All you mommas and papas out there!

[nossie]

maybe, maybe not. Thats not my point though. Just providing prospective. The GOLDEN perspective. This is one point that will never change. Not until daddies little girl is independent and on her own.

I'm agreeing with you. My Father-in-law thinks I'm a punk and frequently resists the desire to kill me when he sees me with his baby girl. He know's I'll do good by her but still he wants to kill me when he sees us together. It might change after the wedding, I hope so coz he's way bigger than me and my sheer aggression will only get me so far. Oh well, I'm Irish and I love a fight

 

[hawkeye]

He know's I'll do good by her but still he wants to kill me when he sees us together.

It's one of those natural born instincts. I guess it never really completely goes away.

 

[skieur]

To show you that things can work out. I topped you! Parents sent their shy 16 year old daughter on an exchange trip to Québec and ended up having this 18 year old (me) appear at their door with their daughter carrying her suitcase at 6 am. in the morning, waking them up. How about that for shocking the parents! I married her eventually and our 37th wedding anniversary is this year and we are grandparents.

Cheers!
skieur

 

[dpolston]

Okay... I did not read a single reply so that I do not get tainted!

I have 2 daughters, one 13 (in a month) and one 15. I would personally think it's a little weird meeting each other on line BUT having done this myself, I think I wouldn't freak out as much. Being that this girl is "their little darling precious" and they have probably seen all the episodes of "To Catch A Predator" on Dateline, they do have very real reservations on meeting or trusting you.


As far as the parents thing goes. I would (and realize that this might blow up in your face... you never know) invite them all (your parents included) out on a fun date (bowling, local sports thing, light dinner, something other than a movie) so that you all can meet and talk to each other. The reason I mention all of the parents is because I know the parents of most of my kids friends and there is a common something that we have.

I wouldn't stress anything by thinking longtime commitment or anything, I think you both need to tell each others folks, that there is something there but you're not looking at Wedding China patterns yet.

I would use the "I'm Young and Stupid [that's just a term! I don't think you're stupid) Card". They were young too and they probably realize your intentions more than you might give them credit for. And I wouldn't sweat the no job thing either. This might be a BIG issue if you were to ask for her hand in marriage... but I don't think you're there yet.

Go... have fun! Set up an adult play date with the folks!

<whewww> Now I can read the other pearls of wisdom!

 

[Sideburns]

Dude, you're in COLLEGE. why are you bothering with a girl in HIGH SCHOOL?

^^^ would be my thoughts if i were the dad of the little girl whom you're trying to get into the pants of.

big difference between high school and college, especially a JUNIOR in high school.

you should try to meet chicks that are in COLLEGE.
and leave the little high school girls alone..

Well I don't mean to sound a bit short...but I don't like the fact that you've labelled me as a horndog. I mean sure...I'm a 18 year old guy...with hormones...but I also have a set of morals and self control. I do see what you mean about high school/college whatnot...if it was grade 12/grade 10 I doubt people would think twice...
I'm not trying to justify my being attracted to a younger girl...but I am not a sex fiend or a predator or whatever you want to assume.

Now...perhaps you don't assume that...I dono. But let's try and stay away from that side of the story.
I know that your opinion matters because you're a father...and I thank you for helping out...
However, I asked for assistance, not reasons to avoid her...

To show you that things can work out. I topped you! Parents sent their shy 16 year old daughter on an exchange trip to Québec and ended up having this 18 year old (me) appear at their door with their daughter carrying her suitcase at 6 am. in the morning, waking them up. How about that for shocking the parents! I married her eventually and our 37th wedding anniversary is this year and we are grandparents.

Wow...that's pretty cool. I'm not really planning anything that extreme...but it's nice to hear a happy story lol

Cheers!
skieur

Okay... I did not read a single reply so that I do not get tainted!

I have 2 daughters, one 13 (in a month) and one 15. I would personally think it's a little weird meeting each other on line BUT having done this myself, I think I wouldn't freak out as much. Being that this girl is "their little darling precious" and they have probably seen all the episodes of "To Catch A Predator" on Dateline, they do have very real reservations on meeting or trusting you.


As far as the parents thing goes. I would (and realize that this might blow up in your face... you never know) invite them all (your parents included) out on a fun date (bowling, local sports thing, light dinner, something other than a movie) so that you all can meet and talk to each other. The reason I mention all of the parents is because I know the parents of most of my kids friends and there is a common something that we have.

I wouldn't stress anything by thinking longtime commitment or anything, I think you both need to tell each others folks, that there is something there but you're not looking at Wedding China patterns yet.

I would use the "I'm Young and Stupid [that's just a term! I don't think you're stupid) Card". They were young too and they probably realize your intentions more than you might give them credit for. And I wouldn't sweat the no job thing either. This might be a BIG issue if you were to ask for her hand in marriage... but I don't think you're there yet.

Go... have fun! Set up an adult play date with the folks!

<whewww> Now I can read the other pearls of wisdom!

Very helpful. I suppose it would be a good idea to do something fun with everyone involved...show that I can get along with her, her brothers, and them...all at once...hmm...I'll keep this in mind.

 

[LaFoto]

There's one thing I don't get, and that is why two little years should make that much of a difference? Two years cannot possibly be considered a "big age gap" by anyone, no matter what the one is doing and what the other is doing. And why would two years difference in age be something "less" when both still go to the same school, but suddenly be "a gap" when one has already started in college and the other is still in high school?

I am genuinely asking because I don't get the concept. To me it is quite normal a girl of 16 would NOT WANT to go out with a boy of 16, for at that age, the boys are often still noticeably behind the girls in maturing (mostly so in their minds). Not that my daughter had so far come up with any boy-friend (she'll be 15 in April), but it's not that she weren't in touch with boys (school, swimming), and she finds most of them (mostly so the teenaged ones) way too silly to take any of them seriously. But that's just her...

Anyhow, when I was 16, my boy-friend of the time was 19, my parents didn't like him at all, we did not care ... but he had his set of morals, too, and nothing ever "happened".

It's not that each and every young man is a walking sex monster! When I was 17, I started going out with a 24-year-old. My parents were totally appalled, we didn't care ... and nothing ever "happened", either. That young man was no walking sex monster, either!

But IF we had wanted to have anything "happen" (which reads: if I had wanted, which I didn't), my parents would have been the last persons to prevent anything, I am sure.

 

[Sideburns]

There's one thing I don't get, and that is why two little years should make that much of a difference? Two years cannot possibly be considered a "big age gap" by anyone, no matter what the one is doing and what the other is doing. And why would two years difference in age be something "less" when both still go to the same school, but suddenly be "a gap" when one has already started in college and the other is still in high school?

I am genuinely asking because I don't get the concept. To me it is quite normal a girl of 16 would NOT WANT to go out with a boy of 16, for at that age, the boys are often still noticeably behind the girls in maturing (mostly so in their minds). Not that my daughter had so far come up with any boy-friend (she'll be 15 in April), but it's not that she weren't in touch with boys (school, swimming), and she finds most of them (mostly so the teenaged ones) way too silly to take any of them seriously. But that's just her...

Anyhow, when I was 16, my boy-friend of the time was 19, my parents didn't like him at all, we did not care ... but he had his set of morals, too, and nothing ever "happened".

It's not that each and every young man is a walking sex monster! When I was 17, I started going out with a 24-year-old. My parents were totally appalled, we didn't care ... and nothing ever "happened", either. That young man was no walking sex monster, either!

But IF we had wanted to have anything "happen" (which reads: if I had wanted, which I didn't), my parents would have been the last persons to prevent anything, I am sure.

Ahhh yes. I am sure you understand what I am saying. Thanks. That is what I have been thinking as well. A girl at 16, is about as mature as half my guy friends at 18/19/20...so what's the problem? ya, sure...I'm closer to starting a career (maybe...probably not...)...and I'm closer to the drinking age (19 in Ontario)...
But does it mean that I'm going to corrupt a 16 year old girl? No.
Could a 16 year old girl teach me things? Well...maybe, maybe not...but I doubt I could show her anything she doesn't already know about.

I'm gonna talk to her tomorrow about her parents...find out what they're like...what they do...see if maybe they'd like to meet me for a night of bowling or something...that's always fun...(making a fool of myself cause I suck).

Thanks for the support, Corina.

 

[Battou]

I'm gonna talk to her tomorrow about her parents...find out what they're like...what they do...see if maybe they'd like to meet me for a night of bowling or something...that's always fun...(making a fool of myself cause I suck).

Hey that just mean you don't have to try very hard to let them win :mrgreen:

 

[jols]

this thread is strange.

two years is nothing.

just go around and meet them let them make up there minds after several visits.

if you get serious just keep meeting and talking.

lets face it they might end up loving you or hating you. you can never tell.

just go with the flow

 

[dpolston]

You're welcome! (sometimes it just takes a dad) =o)

 

[jstuedle]

First, Cathy and I have 3 adult children. Two are girls. When Cathy and I met and started dating, my mother had a cow! Cathy is 4 1/2 years older than I and my mother still has not accepted her and I together. We married when I was 18 and she 22. That was 34 years ago. My father loved Cathy and felt we were made for each other. So no matter what you do, you can't please everyone. I know I tried.
I also have dealt with the dating problem as the parent of 2 girls. I will admit to "testing" there suiters in many ways. When my first was being picked up for her senior prom I greeted him on our front pouch. I was sitting in a rocking chair cleaning my shotgun. Looking back, it was very funny, but he didn't think so. Scared the poor boy to death. My daughter got a kick out of it.
Any caring parent will test you and want to find out as much as they can before feeling at ease letting their little pride and joy go. So all I can really advise is be yourself, be honest and don't attempt to deceive her or her parents. Just let is roll.

 

[dpolston]

John... I actually can not wait to meet the first boy that picks up my daughters on their first date. We have set guidelines years ago that out daughters wouldn't "date" until they're 16. But I already have my opening line ready.

I will calmly open the door, invite the boy in briefly explain that my girls are my very heart and soul and then I'll tell them that "I'm not afraid to go back to prison!" ;o)

David

By the way, the shotgun thing didn't bother me at all. We (my father in law) had that thing off the wall and talked about it the first night. I actually offered to clean it for him.

 

[Christie Photo]

I've been on the other side of this. I have twin daughters, and they've brought home all types. Same deal with the age difference too.

What would make me relax was getting to know the guy and seeing him demonstrate that my daughter and her life came first.

He could show me this by spending time with her at our place. In fact, our place should be the "default" place... at home more than away.

Also, concern about her life... seeing that she was safe and her family was happy, making certain that school came first, anything like that would settle me down.

Good luck!

-Pete