Are there any child psychologists or similar experts on the forum?

[jwbryson1]

I have a question about a bizarre story I am hearing from my child about another neighborhood child -- please PM me.

Kat Thorson? Anybody else?

Thanks!

 

[sm4him]

I'm a single parent who successfully raised two boys, and neither of them have a criminal record, is that good enough? ;-)

 

[jwbryson1]

I'm a single parent who successfully raised two boys, and neither of them have a criminal record, is that good enough? ;-)

I dunno. This is a story about a 9 year old girl at told by another 9 year old girl. I'm a bit wigged out and I know this is not the place to come for a "real" answer, but I thought I'd toss that out there anyway.

 

[manicmike]

I have a degree in Psychology and spent quit a bit of time studying child psychology. Also have 3 kids fwiw.

 

[sm4him]

Well, in all seriousness, I *can* tell you this. I was a Boy Scout volunteer for many, many years (still am, officially, though I believe I'm done--I've only done mentoring toward Eagle Scout for the last few years, but I feel like it's time to move on, having seen one last kid successfully make Eagle a month ago).
I've also worked some in the youth group at our church.

The Boy Scouts are quite stringent about their "Youth Protection" training. We have to go through it every two or three years, no matter how long we've been there.

The point of bringing all that up is this--one of the big "points" to their training is: Don't try to make these judgments for yourself. Tell the authorities and let THEM figure it out. Better to speak up, and find out it's just a kid with a wild imagination, than to decide not to make anything of it, and find out later you could have done something to help a child avoid more tragic consequences in life.

Whatever it is, I'd tell an authority and let them sort it out.

 

[jwbryson1]

Yeah, I am going to drop this at this point. My wife is going to speak to this girl's mom and get her feedback.

Sorry to start such a silly thread. I was grasping somewhat...

 

[runnah]

Boys will be boys.

 

[Gavjenks]

I am a child psychology researcher and have a couple degrees in it.

Are you just trying to figure out if the story is true? If so, obviously there is going to be a significant element of basic detective work, not just child psychology. Especially if there were any adult witnesses to whatever events she is describing in her story or other evidence, then you're probably best off relying on that. It seems like you have come to a similar conclusion yourself. BUT, there are special considerations that you might want to take, if the child's story is truly important in some serious way.


If this is just like "ha ha what a weird story, I'm curious" then okay, whatever, talk to the mom and so forth. Who cares?

If this is a really serious incident though involving something that might end up in legal or child services action or similar, and if the two little girls are the only witnesses, then it is imperative that you not waste any time lollygagging around being polite about it, etc.

Children are extremely suggestible, and it is a trivial thing for a parent or similar to plant false memories or distorted memories in a child's head, even if they don't intend to at all, merely by talking to them about it and asking even the most slightly leading questions in their attempts to make the story clearer. So if something serious relies on the truth of the story, you should avoid prompting the other parent to muddle things by bringing it to their attention before you are prepared, and seek an expert trained in how to interview children without bias as soon as possible, before the girls are exposed to too much uncontrolled external influences. Also probably you should cease talking to your own child about it, unless you are concerned about her being potentially in some sort of trouble. I.e. if you feel that knowing as much as possible before asking for outside help is necessary for you to protect your child as much as possible, then obviously as a parent, go for it. But if she's not in any danger or trouble and you are thus more concerned about the truth, then try not to bring it up anymore if you can.

 

[amolitor]

Everything I know, which ain't much, agrees with Gavjenks here.

 

[kathyt]

I generally refer all suspicious cases to social services, but from my experience there is usually some validity to every story. It may not be directly related, but something is usually going on that is not quite right.

 

[jwbryson1]

My wife is speaking to the other girl's mother, so for now I'm going to drop this. Sorry to waste everybody's time.

 

[nycphotography]

The point of bringing all that up is this--one of the big "points" to their training is: Don't try to make these judgments for yourself. Tell the authorities and let THEM figure it out. Better to speak up, and find out it's just a kid with a wild imagination, than to decide not to make anything of it, and find out later you could have done something to help a child avoid more tragic consequences in life.

Whatever it is, I'd tell an authority and let them sort it out.

While nobody wants to do nothing, I'd suggest you have _some_ moral duty to satisfy yourself that there is something to it before involving the authorities.

Unfortunately, the "authorities" have less and less discretion to do the right thing in cases where there is substantial doubt. In some jurisdictions they are required to take certain actions. If in fact, there was nothing to it, the consequences of those actions would then be very unfortunate.

Nobody wants to let something slide. But you also should want very much to make sure you aren't the one to call in the dogs on the McMartins either.

And for the record, every time I hear a cop say "tell it to the judge" I have the same thought... that cop should be arrested on the spot and charged with molesting children, so he can get his turn to "tell it to the judge".

Just consider all the possible explanations, get as much first hand information as possible, and use the absolute best judgement you can muster. And make sure you will sleep well at night if you call it in. Or also if you don't.

 

[sm4him]

The point of bringing all that up is this--one of the big "points" to their training is: Don't try to make these judgments for yourself. Tell the authorities and let THEM figure it out. Better to speak up, and find out it's just a kid with a wild imagination, than to decide not to make anything of it, and find out later you could have done something to help a child avoid more tragic consequences in life.

Whatever it is, I'd tell an authority and let them sort it out.

While nobody wants to do nothing, I'd suggest you have _some_ moral duty to satisfy yourself that there is something to it before involving the authorities.

Unfortunately, the "authorities" have less and less discretion to do the right thing in cases where there is substantial doubt. In some jurisdictions they are required to take certain actions. If in fact, there was nothing to it, the consequences of those actions would then be very unfortunate.

Nobody wants to let something slide. But you also should want very much to make sure you aren't the one to call in the dogs on the McMartins either.

And for the record, every time I hear a cop say "tell it to the judge" I have the same thought... that cop should be arrested on the spot and charged with molesting children, so he can get his turn to "tell it to the judge".

Just consider all the possible explanations, get as much first hand information as possible, and use the absolute best judgement you can muster. And make sure you will sleep well at night if you call it in. Or also if you don't.

When I say "authorities," I do not necessarily mean the cops. Social services, a school principal if the kids go to school together--someone who, in an official capacity, has the training and experience to deal with such situations and talk to the girls without, as some others have mentioned, putting thoughts and words into their heads so that the story becomes what the adult thinks it is, rather than the actual truth.

Yes, it's good to have SOME idea that there is some truth to the story, but I'd tread VERY carefully about trying to get AT that truth myself.

 

[jwbryson1]

The mom had no clue and is going to speak to the kid. Long story short -- the kid got a bit upset over something minor and her reaction was to strip and cry in a corner in order to get her way. Just seemed a bit strange to me...

 

[Designer]

Well, o.k., that's kind of bizarre.