boys

[ceno2000]

ok guys please answer me
my fiance belongs to a forum and sometimes they post pictures of naked girls-and such
and all his replies are as you can imagine pretty crazy
my question is why is it that guys fall all over thirselves for the bad slutty porn girl but want to marry girls like me b/c im nice and sweet and crap?
i just dont get it his friends think im hot but to him im just cute and i am supposed to just be conntent with that but still annoying --bring out the bimbos
wtf?
any suggestions?
oh and if i try to act/dress like them he flips out

 

[cypilk]

i am gonna be biased..here..


1.guys see a girl that is flirty/seductive/flashy all that stuff.. and they flip out over it

2. when your fiance sees you he sees a future wife.

3. when he sees you try to be like that. he probably likes it... but then he is aware that other people are flippin out about you...

i also think guys are naturally dominant.. so when they have a wife. its sort of "theirs" so to speak.. -not trying to be offensive to females- but generally.. this is true... for the most part...

this is just my opinion.....

 

[MDowdey]

guys like to believe that they have the right stuff...

and when a guy sees a slutty girl...the girl is "more loose" and easy to get...

but...when a guy sees a good girl with manners and scruples...he wants her more, because it takes work to get her..and the feelings are more genuine...


md

 

[Osmer_Toby]

actually, i like all women. i may show my attraction in different ways, but the way i value one does not diminish from the way i value another. and always, deep down and first and foremost, it is the very core of their being, their femininity, that is constant; it is this that i love so much about them.

that being said, if your guy goes nuts over a slut, it does not necessarily mean he has any less feeling or any different feeling for you. a slut is so defined because she exudes sexual allure, and that's all he's reacting to. now, i'm well aware that such a response often hurts your feelings, cause you're probably asking yourself: "what, am i not good enough for him? i give him my heart with no reservations, and yet he's attracted to that slut???!!!"
am i right?
truth is, it's all hormonal. it is a chemical reaction within a male body, a reaction that took millions of years of evolution to perfect. if it were not for this response, people like us would have never evolved in the first place, for it is this response that leads to coitus and thus reproduction.
now, if you ask your man to never have these reactions, you are asking him to go against nature's very plan. all men are slaves to this reaction, hence we often are accused of thinking with our little head instead of the one on our shoulders. and you know what? too often, it is true. some of us are just better at resisting the inbred response, but mostly it's just that some of us are better at hiding it from you women. we all suffer the same malediction together!
what you might want to try is accepting the response for the biological reaction that it is. don't be offended by it, understand it. once you think about it this way, maybe you wont feel threatened. tease him a little, (depending on the guy, be sure not to tease too much- you might get too powerful a reaction- use your judgement here) by "joining" him in his reaction- say something to the effect- "ya, she is pretty hot.... wouldn't ya love to get a piece of that? too bad you're mine tho. i don't care where you get your appetite, honey, just so long as you come home to me for dinner."
or something along those lines. be firm, tho, in letting him know the limits- he can let his eyes roam, but that's all that may roam.
even bust his chops about being that hormone slave, but be sure to do it with a healthy dose of humor, and don't humiliate or embarrass him, cause then all he'll do is get defensive and do something stupid.

now, if you have any doubt that you can pull this off, don't even try it. you have to be pretty secure with yourself to do this, it requires you to be the brave one. but if you can have that kind of relationship, believe me, there'll a lot less stress on both of you.

good luck.

 

[oriecat]

Yeah, what Toby said!

Ok, I ain't a boy, so I'll just throw my girl thoughts in... a) yes, boys will be boys, it doesn't mean he really wants someone that way, obviously not since he's with you. b) if he only acts like that on the forum, maybe it's just part of his online persona, we have tend to act a little different online than in reality, allowing ourselves to be a little looser and freer... maybe it's just his way of going along with the crowd and fitting in with his group.

That's all I got for now...

 

[photobug]

This is weirdly related to the "Why do good girls like bad boys" thread of several days ago...

 

[Osmer_Toby]

ya, it is almost a reflection of that, isn't it?

 

[Harpper]

Osmer wrote a very insightful post which might have answered your question but I'll throw my 2 cents in.

My brother and I had a similar conversation awhile back. What you are talking about is very similar to the question why girls like bad boys. Actually there was thread about this awhile back too. If you can answer why girls like bad boys then I think it will greatly help you with this question.

I believe Osmer really hit the point when he said it's built into our genes. Guys do have the sexual lust for "slutty" type girls and girls seem to have the lust for bad boys who tend to treat them like crap but they keep coming back. Slutty might also be a wrong word for it too, because I've seen some classy nice girls who know how to use sexual allure without looking/acting slutty. It's also not a gender thing you are going through because plenty of guys have heard..."you're everything I want in a guy but I'm just not attracted to you". How can anyone not scratch their heads and not be aggravated at the situation.

Your fiance might be having the same problem. He see you as a girl he can spend his life with and finds you attractive but in a different way so when you try to be more "slutty" he automatically doesn't like it. It doesn't neccesarily mean that he doesn't find you sexy. It's just a different type of attraction. Of course, I don't know for sure because the human mind is very complex and there could be many other reasons for his actions so use your best judgement.

Here is some other information that may or may not help you. When my brother and I were talking about all this we both came to the conclusion that hot bad girls are nice but the nice cute girls are the ones we want a long relationship with. There's a different kind of attraction that's going on and I don't think I can really explain it myself. I've also heard some girls say something similar so it's not just a guy thing.

Then again it could just be a group of guys messing around and making comments about some hot girl. I'm not saying that it's right and that he should ignore your feelings, but girls aren't innocent in this matter either. I've heard plenty of married girls talk among themselves about how dreamy some actor/famous person is and how if they weren't married....

My ex-girlfriend had a bad habit of telling me what guy she thinks is hot but if I told her what girl I thought was hot she gets all jealous and defensive. Relationship advice is really hard to give because most situations/people are different but hopefully things work out for you.

Hopefully I didn't say anything that might have offended anyone. I'm sorry if I did.

 

[manda]

Personally I think all women should be "hot" to their men.
Use it to your advantage. You say his friends think you are a hottie.
Be that girl to him in private.
You can still be the one he loves and wants to marry and also be someone he goes nuts over in the hottie department.
Just because he thinks you should be cute and his girl doesnt mean you can't be a hot mama.

All women have the potential, women are gorgeous creatures. You can still be hot without being a tarty skank.

 

[Osmer_Toby]

Just because he thinks you should be cute and his girl doesnt mean you can't be a hot mama.

amen, sister!

 

[Walt]

As has been said in one form or another, you're fiance looks at "slutty women" as a result of the male hormones. I guess all of us do to one degree or another. As for his attentions to you, I may draw a little ire here but, for wives don't many men look for someone like "their mother"? And who wants to think of their mother as slutty? :shock:

 

[Harpper]

You say his friends think you are a hottie.
Be that girl to him in private.
You can still be the one he loves and wants to marry and also be someone he goes nuts over in the hottie department.

Manda does have a point. Knowing when and when not to use your sexual attraction would most likely fully both of his needs. This could just be me, but I find it a turn off when a girl always tries to be slutty, hot, sexually alluring, or whatever you want to call it all the time. That's probably why my brother and I didn't think a long relationship with a bad girl would work out. Knowing when to turn on and off the sexual allure is more sexy in my opinion. Basically combining the best of both worlds.

 

[markc]

Looks like everyone's pretty much covered it. Thinking isn't just little electrical sparks. There are a heck of a lot of chemicals involved.

I used to feel so guilty about looking at a girl and thinking sexual thoughts (lovely Catholic upbringing), even if I wasn't involved with anyone. I wasn't comfortable with myself untill I became comfortable with that. I'm going to feel sexually attracted to women because that's how I'm wired, and I expect any woman I'm involved with to understand that. I expect and understand that she's going to be sexually attracted to certain guys. That's just the way it is, and if you can share that with each other and even make it fun, all the better. You have to be comfortable with yourself first, though.

It's not the sexual attraction that's really the issue. It's what the person does about it. Personally, I think "look but don't touch" is a great motto.

 

[zio]

we like the bad slutty girl porn b/c its something fun to have but you dont really want it. its like touching "the red button" in a missile silo. you really want to do it, but you know you can't. we don't want our wives to be that red button.
we want our wives to be good wholesome people b/c lets face it, people judge you by the people you associate yourself with. every guy wants that rebellious freak girl that let you tie her blindfolded to the bed....ok, i'll stop with where i was going with that :roll:
but seriously, its just something fun to have or see but you really dont want to associate yourself with on a daily basis. its why a group of us will go to a strip club and get all drunk and roudy and flirt with the girls b/c we know thats the type of girl they are. they're not a bring home to mom and dad type of girl. do you really want to look back 30 years from now and tell your grandkids that you met grandma when she was stripping and she gave a lap dance to your bestfriend? i dont think so.
to quote ludacris...."a lady on the street but a freak in the bed!"

 

[graigdavis]

Heres what it comes down to.

Women want their guy "uglier" than they are. Women cant be show up buy their mates. They have to be the pretty one in the pair.

Men want their woman to be hot because then they can say "look at what I got." But we still got a little bit of that thought, if shes really smokin then whats gona keep her with my ugly mug?

I have more to add but I think everyone else has already said it.