I would have to go with 'no shots at the funeral service, maybe a couple graveside from a distance, and some family shots at the get-together afterwards'.
The key, in my mind, is to be very respectful of everyone there and especially to not be an 'intruder' into what, for many, is a very difficult time in their lives. That means absolutely NO FLASH in the service, and probably not graveside, either.
At the reception later on, it would likely be more of a family reunion setting. So I'd likely take some pictures of grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, etc. I know at my paternal grandmothers funeral 30+ years ago, as she was the last of her generation in a family of 8 children, it was a family reunion for those who rarely got together due to distances, location, etc. It can actually be a good opportunity to make up lost time with family. On the other hand, at the funeral of my (now ex-)wifes' aunt 20+ years ago, the ongoing 'family feud' wsa still very much in evidence to this outsider.
So, if you do go with camera in hand, tread with caution. Try to be invisible as much as possible unless someone approaches you and asks you to 'get a shot of me and xxxx...'.