Martha Stewart tips

[Mitica100]

It was inevitable! I fished this from the Internet, a collection of bad tips from Martha Stewart:

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected.)

If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

Ouch! :!: :shock:

 

[markc]

Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

I remember reading a few years ago about people doing this in Singapore. A cellular phone was such a status symbol that something like 75% of the tickets written for driving while using a phone were to people with fake phones. The authorities still considered it a hazard so the driver still got the ticket. These were hefty fines, too. The people care more about the status than they did about the fines.

 

[oriecat]

The world has gone mad! :roll:

I like the parking ticket one... unfortunately it would only work if you left the car on.

 

[graigdavis]

Reminds me of an article I read. There were an alarming number of women coming into the ER to get cell phones removed from their uh...um...ya know. They would put it on vibrate and keep calling the phone. Then they would get stuck.

 

[oriecat]

:shock:

Do these women not realize that they make things special for that purpose?! Probably a lot cheaper than a cell phone and an ER bill!!

 

[photong]

Reminds me of an article I read. There were an alarming number of women coming into the ER to get cell phones removed from their uh...um...ya know. They would put it on vibrate and keep calling the phone. Then they would get stuck.

Must have been a bar phone. I don't see a flip phone working unless she's got a large ho hum...

 

[Walt]

I suppose it would be safer than a gerbal. :shock:

 

[Mitica100]

Oh my... How quickly we turn from Martha Stewart to vibrators!

:smileys:

 

[mrsid99]

This thread is as amusing as the the post, thanks again Mitica!

 

[havoc]

LOL, a large Ho hum......
I am sure a flip phone could fit quite nicely in a "ho hum" if properly inserted LOL

 

[graigdavis]

Oh my... How quickly we turn from Martha Stewart to vibrators!

:smileys:

Yea well this place has been pretty slow lately. We need atleast one thread to get people laughing!

who is talking about vibrators? I was talking about cell phones.

 

[Mitica100]

Oh my... How quickly we turn from Martha Stewart to vibrators!

:smileys:

Yea well this place has been pretty slow lately. We need atleast one thread to get people laughing!

I see... In that case, I'll be on the hunt for more vib... err... I meant cell phone jokes. :shock:

 

[bogleric]

oh my, this world needs help bad......

...but we are all okay....