Oh, my father-in-law...

[AmberAtLoveAndInk]

So I'm wondering if any you forum members run into the same situation with other people as I am about to explain.
My father-in-law, he is a wonderful man that always means well, his wife included. They are both great to me and love their grandson and for the most part have supported my business... the only thing is... I'm not sure they actually think it's a business..
My mother-in-law is a bit better at hiding her surprise but when we go over for Sunday dinner (they live a block over from us) and I talk about my upcoming shoot or meeting going on this month, my father-in-law acts shocked as ever. Congratulating me on a simple meeting like I'm 5.. or in public appearances, this one really embarrassed the hell out of me, I was going to get a new phone and my father-in-law came with since he knows nothing of high tech phones and was thinking of upgrading his too. The sales guy asks what ill be using this most for to get a good idea for the right phone for me, I told him id like a bigger screen with voice commands for GPS since I'm a photographer and like to show people my work and drive to location most of the time. My father-in-law chimes in: "Ya! She's uhhh... uhh.. an amateur/semi pro photographer. In fact, she's got a meeting this weekend!"
Oh. My. God.
Talk about a slap in the face. The sales guy smiled and nodded and I walked away red faced.

Then, last night we all go for dinner (me, my husband, our son & his parents) and my father-in-law says he picked me up something he thinks ill really enjoy. Really? I ask, well that was nice of you!! He tells me its a DVD course on beginners photography... 20, 30min sessions on teaching ISO, aperture, shutter speed and using your gear in manual mode...
It's one of those extremely cheesy "You can be a pro in 2 weeks!" kind of DVD that has horrible "professional" images on the front that I would consider much worse compared to my work.
Really?!?! Sometimes i just want to scream. I HAVE BEEN IN BUSINESS FOR A FULL YEAR. I am, in my opinion doing quite well! I appreciate the gift, I do, but these are things I am well aware of and use everyday! I have been shooting strictly in M mode for months!!

Maybe I'm being a big baby and taking things too personally, but after a year of being in business and them knowing full well I get paid to do my "job" I would think they would start treating it as a job instead of a hobby, and instead of introducing me to friends of theirs as Alex's wife and then saying I'm a stay at home mom, they could tell people I'm a PHOTOGRAPHER. ughh. Anyway, needed that off my chest, anyone else get this kind of treatment from friends or family??

 

[Rgollar]

I think you should see if they have a Dummies for farther In Laws book and give that to him lol. Tell him if he really wants to help buy you some useful stuff like a new lens lol. I say keep up the good work and he will eventually see its a real job not just a hobby. Good luck.

 

[Overread]

Eh he's trying he's just not all that good at overcoming two big barriers;

1) He likely knows little of photography and thus he doesn't know what he doesn't know - so things like the " how to be a pro" DVD that are super basic appear good ideas to him because he's at that level himself so the videos content blurb sounds informative. You get the same thing when you delve deeper into a hobby from those who are not all that in tune with it - because most of the common stuff on the highstreet shelves is aimed at the beginner - less advanced stuff is present.

2) Potentially a cultural element in finding it harder to understand you as a professional, self employed photographer. This can be from many sources including'

a) Simply finding it harder to adapt to women in the workplace and in positions of authority/superiority in that regard (within certain business circles). Not a bad thing just something that has changed a lot over the years and that some older generations still have trouble adapting to without being patronising.

b) LOTS of people become self employed stay at home mom photographers - and lots are utter rubbish. It's a well known thing now so it might simply be that influence that is tainting his perception.

This all doesn't mean that he thinks you're a bad photographer, not a bad person nor that you shouldn't be doing it - its just influences and ignorance that is combing together. He likely means very well, he's just not all that aware of how out of-touch he is.

Chances are it will sort itself in time; I wouldn't blow the issue up as that would just cause conflict and stress (there he is trying to help and suddenly you snap back and get aggressive for it). You might find that a simple thing such as doing a good senior shoot of him and his wife might start to change his impression. Otherwise keep working at it - improve your skills - work hard - get clients - heck if you got your own studio space that would be a big message that your company is growing beyond shoot-at-home mom.

 

[AmberAtLoveAndInk]

I think you should see if they have a Dummies for farther In Laws book and give that to him lol. Tell him if he really wants to help buy you some useful stuff like a new lens lol. I say keep up the good work and he will eventually see its a real job not just a hobby. Good luck.

Another thing I forgot to add to my post, how in the hell do I tell this man that I already AM at a higher level in photography and that he in turn is embarrassing/offending me with all this beginner stuff without upsetting him?? I'm thinking the dummies book would get quite a reaction lol. Thanks for the input.

 

[tirediron]

What is/was his trade/profession?

 

[robbins.photo]

So I'm wondering if any you forum members run into the same situation with other people as I am about to explain.
My father-in-law, he is a wonderful man that always means well, his wife included. They are both great to me and love their grandson and for the most part have supported my business... the only thing is... I'm not sure they actually think it's a business..
My mother-in-law is a bit better at hiding her surprise but when we go over for Sunday dinner (they live a block over from us) and I talk about my upcoming shoot or meeting going on this month, my father-in-law acts shocked as ever. Congratulating me on a simple meeting like I'm 5.. or in public appearances, this one really embarrassed the hell out of me, I was going to get a new phone and my father-in-law came with since he knows nothing of high tech phones and was thinking of upgrading his too. The sales guy asks what ill be using this most for to get a good idea for the right phone for me, I told him id like a bigger screen with voice commands for GPS since I'm a photographer and like to show people my work and drive to location most of the time. My father-in-law chimes in: "Ya! She's uhhh... uhh.. an amateur/semi pro photographer. In fact, she's got a meeting this weekend!"
Oh. My. God.
Talk about a slap in the face. The sales guy smiled and nodded and I walked away red faced.

Then, last night we all go for dinner (me, my husband, our son & his parents) and my father-in-law says he picked me up something he thinks ill really enjoy. Really? I ask, well that was nice of you!! He tells me its a DVD course on beginners photography... 20, 30min sessions on teaching ISO, aperture, shutter speed and using your gear in manual mode...
It's one of those extremely cheesy "You can be a pro in 2 weeks!" kind of DVD that has horrible "professional" images on the front that I would consider much worse compared to my work.
Really?!?! Sometimes i just want to scream. I HAVE BEEN IN BUSINESS FOR A FULL YEAR. I am, in my opinion doing quite well! I appreciate the gift, I do, but these are things I am well aware of and use everyday! I have been shooting strictly in M mode for months!!

Maybe I'm being a big baby and taking things too personally, but after a year of being in business and them knowing full well I get paid to do my "job" I would think they would start treating it as a job instead of a hobby, and instead of introducing me to friends of theirs as Alex's wife and then saying I'm a stay at home mom, they could tell people I'm a PHOTOGRAPHER. ughh. Anyway, needed that off my chest, anyone else get this kind of treatment from friends or family??

Well, you know my guess is if you shot Nikon you wouldn't have these problems..

Lol..

Seriously though, if you really want some advice, I'm guessing your best bet is to just forget about it and move on. Your in-laws don't get it. Believe it or not, this is not at all an uncommon occurence by any means. They sound like very sweet, good natured people who are just going to be a little irritating from time to time because they are for the most part mostly clueless as well. Problem is to "fix" this is going to require you or your husband br both to say something to them and frankly I just don't see the upside, perhaps them being a little less embarrasing about your photographic career at times, being worth the possible downside in that they could get their feelings hurt pretty badly. Sad part is that even if they did get their feelings hurt, after they got over it I doubt it would be long before they fell back into the same old habit and started treating your job as a hobby again. Let's face it, the older people get the less likely it is that they are going to be able to change.

So when they hand you a DVD for beginners thank them and tell them how wonderful they are and go home and use it as a coaster.

 

[AmberAtLoveAndInk]

Eh he's trying he's just not all that good at overcoming two big barriers;

1) He likely knows little of photography and thus he doesn't know what he doesn't know - so things like the " how to be a pro" DVD that are super basic appear good ideas to him because he's at that level himself so the videos content blurb sounds informative. You get the same thing when you delve deeper into a hobby from those who are not all that in tune with it - because most of the common stuff on the highstreet shelves is aimed at the beginner - less advanced stuff is present.

2) Potentially a cultural element in finding it harder to understand you as a professional, self employed photographer. This can be from many sources including'

a) Simply finding it harder to adapt to women in the workplace and in positions of authority/superiority in that regard (within certain business circles). Not a bad thing just something that has changed a lot over the years and that some older generations still have trouble adapting to without being patronising.

b) LOTS of people become self employed stay at home mom photographers - and lots are utter rubbish. It's a well known thing now so it might simply be that influence that is tainting his perception.

This all doesn't mean that he thinks you're a bad photographer, not a bad person nor that you shouldn't be doing it - its just influences and ignorance that is combing together. He likely means very well, he's just not all that aware of how out of-touch he is.

Chances are it will sort itself in time; I wouldn't blow the issue up as that would just cause conflict and stress (there he is trying to help and suddenly you snap back and get aggressive for it). You might find that a simple thing such as doing a good senior shoot of him and his wife might start to change his impression. Otherwise keep working at it - improve your skills - work hard - get clients - heck if you got your own studio space that would be a big message that your company is growing beyond shoot-at-home mom.

Thanks for that. I honestly never considered the women working thing but now that you mention it, he is almost 65 and has quite a few ways he's set in, maybe this is one I have never seen yet. I have offered numerous times to do some family pictures of us (hell, every other weekend in doing family portraits for pay!!) and he in turn smiles and says not to trouble myself... I almost have to laugh lol its that frustrating.

 

[AmberAtLoveAndInk]

What is/was his trade/profession?

I'm not sure of the exact title but he's a higher up in an industrial company. He travels to meet with big ticket clients and snooze them into buying his companies goods, something like that.

 

[robbins.photo]

I think you should see if they have a Dummies for farther In Laws book and give that to him lol. Tell him if he really wants to help buy you some useful stuff like a new lens lol. I say keep up the good work and he will eventually see its a real job not just a hobby. Good luck.

Another thing I forgot to add to my post, how in the hell do I tell this man that I already AM at a higher level in photography and that he in turn is embarrassing/offending me with all this beginner stuff without upsetting him?? I'm thinking the dummies book would get quite a reaction lol. Thanks for the input.

Simple, take some really nice photos - have them professionally printed and framed, and give them as a gift to the in-laws. If that doesn't do the trick, nothing will.

 

[AmberAtLoveAndInk]

Robbins.photo: Its just too bad I don't have someone who actually IS needing some beginner instruction because over the course of two years he has handed me numerous digital photography books, a handful of sound business lectures and now this DVD lol perhaps ill open up a school on the side! Ya I agree, unless my husband can find some sweet way to tell his dad he is being a bit embarrassing, it will be a disaster. Thus the utter frustration..

 

[robbins.photo]

Robbins.photo: Its just too bad I don't have someone who actually IS needing some beginner instruction because over the course of two years he has handed me numerous digital photography books, a handful of sound business lectures and now this DVD lol perhaps ill open up a school on the side! Ya I agree, unless my husband can find some sweet way to tell his dad he is being a bit embarrassing, it will be a disaster. Thus the utter frustration..

Ok... so, your a business woman. Be a business woman. Craigslist the stuff, or sell it on Ebay, and buy something you really need for your setup.. lol. Big part of what your dealing with is most likely generational. Sounds like your father in law is a pretty successful guy and is probably pretty well paid. As a result even if you were making pretty good money and shooting every weekend, well, lets face it - if your not doing covers for "Vogue" or "Vanity Fair" and traveling via private jet to your next photoshoot, eh - well he's probably always going to see this as more of a "hobby" than a "career". For him the word "career" just carries a different connotation, that's all.

It also sounds like he really is trying his hardest to be helpful and as a result pretty much any way you find to tell him, "Dad, your being a nit" is going to wind up doing more harm than good. So yup, afraid your just going to have to bite the bullet on this one. Look at the upside though, generally when one of my family members does something embarrasing local law enforcement generally gets involved. So really, it could be a whole lot worse

 

[Overread]

Family - sometimes you got to grin and bare it.


And then rub it in their faces when you land on the front page of the National Geographic

 

[AmberAtLoveAndInk]

Robbins.photo: Its just too bad I don't have someone who actually IS needing some beginner instruction because over the course of two years he has handed me numerous digital photography books, a handful of sound business lectures and now this DVD lol perhaps ill open up a school on the side! Ya I agree, unless my husband can find some sweet way to tell his dad he is being a bit embarrassing, it will be a disaster. Thus the utter frustration..

Ok... so, your a business woman. Be a business woman. Craigslist the stuff, or sell it on Ebay, and buy something you really need for your setup.. lol. Big part of what your dealing with is most likely generational. Sounds like your father in law is a pretty successful guy and is probably pretty well paid. As a result even if you were making pretty good money and shooting every weekend, well, lets face it - if your not doing covers for "Vogue" or "Vanity Fair" and traveling via private jet to your next photoshoot, eh - well he's probably always going to see this as more of a "hobby" than a "career". For him the word "career" just carries a different connotation, that's all.

It also sounds like he really is trying his hardest to be helpful and as a result pretty much any way you find to tell him, "Dad, your being a nit" is going to wind up doing more harm than good. So yup, afraid your just going to have to bite the bullet on this one. Look at the upside though, generally when one of my family members does something embarrasing local law enforcement generally gets involved. So really, it could be a whole lot worse

I suppose I will bite the bullet.. It just sucks because since he is in a higher position and talking to all sorts of business owners and families , he could really help out by telling people I take photos and possibly handing me a job, oh well. I'll just put the DVD along side the books on my coffee table (my husband religiously sets it all out before his parents come over, so that they believe I am using all of the crap that's been given to me) thanks for everyone that has taken the time out of their day to hear me whining. It helps knowing I can take this photographic frustration here and people will try to help me.

 

[runnah]

Pro Tip: Throw the dvd at his teeth and call his wife ugly.

 

[sscarmack]

I have never had anyone degrade my photography. Not even when I started out shooting in high school.

I'm assuming your making money off of this? Since he said your 'only' a semi pro, I'm assuming you have a 'real' job? This isn't a full time job I wouldn't let it bother you, in fact I would just chuckle and say yeah, maybe one day I'll be lucky enough to do this for a living, until then I just enjoy meeting new clients and love taking photographs.


Don't let it bother you though. Water under the bridge, because we all know who will be taking the family portrait, right? (Assuming haha)