Photos for C&C Any improvement?

[blackrose89]

I was practicing with some still life photos last week for the time. Nothing super interesting was just trying get a feel. Well, I've been asking for some critiques and one of the ones I got was of this pencil, a lot of people said they liked the depth of field but the tip was too out of focus and the background was too blah.

So today I tried re-taking the photo, but this time I added a notebook under it with some song lyrics that helped me get through a rough time to add that "personal" touch. I also think I got the black of the pencil much more intense in the retakes. I know it's not perfect but I'm hoping it's a little better. The same pencil was used in all photos and these were taken with a Point and Shoot.

Here is the original photo

Here are the re-takes

Photo 1

Pencil 2

 

[Geaux]

#2 is leaps and bounds better than the original. Another thing you could have added to the shoot to give it a special touch, was to have the words by the pencil mean something or have a message. Right now the words in focus mean nothing.

 

[KmH]

Please explain why you used D0F that is so shallow.

How does the extremely shallow DoF add to the appeal of the photo, since 85% of the photo is out of focus?

 

[fjrabon]

I like the third. the words that are in focus suggest stories without telling them. "Could have been" and "forever". They kind fo make me think it's a breakup letter. May or may not be, but that's the story that comes to my mind. The out of focus thing kind of lends to the somewhat dreary feeling overall. The sort of life feeling out of focus way people get in times like that.

At least that was my interpretation.

 

[blackrose89]

I like the third. the words that are in focus suggest stories without telling them. "Could have been" and "forever". They kind fo make me think it's a breakup letter. May or may not be, but that's the story that comes to my mind. The out of focus thing kind of lends to the somewhat dreary feeling overall. The sort of life feeling out of focus way people get in times like that.

At least that was my interpretation.

You're interpretation was very good! It's actually about a friend that deeply betrayed me and how things could have been!

 

[fjrabon]

I like the third. the words that are in focus suggest stories without telling them. "Could have been" and "forever". They kind fo make me think it's a breakup letter. May or may not be, but that's the story that comes to my mind. The out of focus thing kind of lends to the somewhat dreary feeling overall. The sort of life feeling out of focus way people get in times like that.

At least that was my interpretation.

You're interpretation was very good! It's actually about a friend that deeply betrayed me and how things could have been!

Yeah, I know the feeling, lol. Anyway, that's I think what people mean when they want a photo to suggest a story. It's just how the mind works when it sees an image, it tries to figure out what's going on. You want to find that fine balance between having a story in there somewhere and it being just ambiguous enough to make the viewer work for it a bit. Though, again, the storytelling aspect is just one aspect and it's not even necessary. But, I think you should be encouraged that you created, what I think at least, is a pretty compelling story with your image.

 

[blackrose89]

Please explain why you used D0F that is so shallow.

How does the extremely shallow DoF add to the appeal of the photo, since 85% of the photo is out of focus?

Just experimentation. I was looking at other photographs on flickr and such for inspiration and practice subjects to get a feel for different angles, DoF and such and what I like. I somewhat liked how the original came out, more so the concept then the photo itself so I wanted to get the photo more to my liking. So that's why I decided a re-shoot.

 

[fjrabon]

also, just by the way, I think the image might have been a little more compelling if the focus was dead nailed on the tip of the pencil. Also might have worked if the pencil tip was kind of obviously broken while putting the period after "forever".

 

[fjrabon]

Please explain why you used D0F that is so shallow.

How does the extremely shallow DoF add to the appeal of the photo, since 85% of the photo is out of focus?

Just experimentation. I was looking at other photographs on flickr and such for inspiration and practice subjects to get a feel for different angles, DoF and such and what I like. I somewhat liked how the original came out, more so the concept then the photo itself so I wanted to get the photo more to my liking. So that's why I decided a re-shoot.

I think the super shallow DoF works well given the subject here. If you had more of the page in focus, we'd be able to read more, taking away some of the ambiguity. It would start being a specific, personal story, instead of an ambiguous, and thus adaptable for the viewer, story. Also, it gives a feeling of distance from what was written early on the page that I liked.