I think it's a nice effort, but I'm not feeling it...... yet.
I think the focus is off a tad on your eye. But it's not that so much as I think it's the DoF...... a bit too shallow. Being so shallow and in combination with a slightly hot main light, you have lost detail with the top of your ear, which features prominent. The earrings also have gone by the wayside in detail (blurry) and I don't think they should be. The shallow DoF has also made the skull look a bit nappy, rather than crisp (it's subjective and hard to put into words), but perhaps have a clean shaved skull next time. What was your aperture? I've found f/4 (min) to be quite pleasing with SP's.
In addition, I feel some bounce/fill/reflective light from the opposite side of the main flash would benefit to bring the beard (right side) in a more influential element of the image.
The fingers need to go. They just appear and have no added value to the image IMO.
I dig the mood you are trying to capture and can forego the general opposition to having the image weighted towards the right side. Your glance into the lens supercedes stereotypical "rules" of composition.
Well done. :thumbsup:
One thing I do when taking SP's is to have a lightstand (or anything that works) with a focused point on a knuckle (of said lightstand) where my eye will be. Focus on that point and turn AF off. "X" marks the spot to stand. Stop down the lens a bit.