I like the low key lighting idea and the way the flash picks un the detail in the iris of the right eye. I'm not lovin' the left eye and and nose being out of focus and I'd cut back on the power just a bit as you are just about blown out on the left side. Interesting composition. I find I am drawn to the right eye, probably because it high contrast and really sharp on focus. For me, that is an uncomfortable focal point as it is too close to the edge of the frame.