Should I be offended?

runnah

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Systematically destroy her life. Sleep with her husband, ruin her reputation and destroy her finances.

Or move on.
 

terri

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I need some advice, because I feel deeply hurt, but I don't know if I'm over-reacting.

One of my closest friends who is also my sister-in-law is having twins. The minute she found out she was pregnant came to me and said I want you to do maternity pics. She showed me endless picture ideas that she found and the one in particular that she wanted was of her in a lake with the sun setting behind her. I was very interested in doing them for her, even looking forward to it. I do all her other photos and photos of her daughter.

Long story short, yesterday i found on facebook that she had had the pictures done by a sister of another friend. She didn't even tell me she was having them done or give me the opportunity to be part of it with her. And she had the other photographer do the one shot in particular (the lake shot) I had told her I was most interested in doing.

I feel deeply hurt by this and I'm not sure I'm justified. I wasn't charging her for them and I don't believe the other girl did either, so it's not a monetary thing. I'm not even sure how to approach her about it.

Thoughts?

Of course, you can't help but feel taken aback by this. You talked about, and she came to you with the ideas, it's not like you were bird-dogging her about it. Don't worry about feeling upset or offended - just do what has been suggested here and keep it in perspective. As a photographer, you will have non-family members also being careless with your time/arrangements, and they certainly won't give a crap how you might feel about that. I'm sure you expected better treatment from a family member, though. Whatever. :hug::

I agree with what Sharon suggested - mention that you saw all the shots on FB and tell her you hope she is pleased with the results. Then, let it go. If you comes to you later for more shoots, you might tell her if you're going to plan something you need to know she is serious, since you have other bookings - but keep things light. I agree with tirediron - best to avoid family, too, mixing business and family can lead to hard feelings, and life is too short. :)
 

Derrel

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I thought there were some GREAT points brought up by sm4him (SHaron M), and by Tirediron, and maybe runnah... ;-) but seriously, not runnah's idea...no, bad, bad runnah. lol. Terri has it about right I think.

But uh, yeah...the best-layed plans of mice and pregnant women...often go awry. A friend and a sister-in-law in one...hmmm...and doing photo work for her...hard to know WHAT happened without you having actually talked with her about the situation person-to-person, woman-to-woman, or firend-to-friend, or family-member-to-family-member...

Who KNOWS...maybe her husband, uh, who I think might be your brother said, "Oh jeeeze, she's really busy, and I don't think it's right to ask her to work for us," or something. And, like Sharon mentioned--maybe SHE had her hand "forced" by another, nearby, and more-aggressive "closer". And really, I do not think it's a thing for you to "share with her"...she might not realllly want that...and maybe her husband doesn't either...

There are a zillion possible issues, but I would definitely NOT be offended--until such time as you find out why she went with another shooter directly from her mouth. ASK HER yourself....her reply will tell you what your response maybe should be. Making a plan to do something, but not following through might be more a matter of her personal inability to say "No!"--to either you, or this interloping, no-good,dirty,rotten interloper who took her lake pics! (grin!) Making a plan, and actually following through with things when carrying a baby can be tough, for a LOT of reasons. I'd try really hard not to let this come off as a slight. I know it might sting, but...I hate shooting anything for family members...it's just....a PITA.
 

TreeofLifeStairs

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Systematically destroy her life. Sleep with her husband, ruin her reputation and destroy her finances. Or move on.
Ummm. It's her sister in law, right? There's a possibility that her sister in law's husband is her brother, and if he's not her brother than she has to be married and she'd be cheating on her own husband then.
 

mishele

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Ummm. It's her sister in law, right? There's a possibility that her sister in law's husband is her brother, and if he's not her brother than she has to be married and she'd be cheating on her own husband then.

What's your point?
 

runnah

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Ummm. It's her sister in law, right? There's a possibility that her sister in law's husband is her brother, and if he's not her brother than she has to be married and she'd be cheating on her own husband then.

You can't worry about such minor details when enacting revenge.
 

TreeofLifeStairs

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I'm a woodworker and have built stuff for my sister in the past and most recently she had discussed building a desk but then found someone else to do it. At first I was a little offended but I was really busy with other customers and figured I was better off not doing it anyway (she can be pretty picky and I never charge her full price). She still came to me to double check everything the other guy was doing though. Which was nice because I know she still views me as the authority when it comes to woodworking but not so nice because it's never just a quick question but fairly involved.

I agree with some of the others. It's completely understandable to feel that way but it doesn't have to be a lot of drama. It could be something very simple.
 

AlanKlein

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Take a really nice photo of her and her new child at some point. Frame it beautifully and give it to her as a gift. She'll love you for it and you will feel great too.
 

Mike_E

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If you're going to be a photographer then you need to understand that the only thing that friends and family are likely to do in that regard is to let you down. Even a profit in another town is just another joe/jane at home.

Expect nothing and be happy with whatever you get.
 

gsgary

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I can't see what there is to be hurt about she saved you the job of shooting now you can go out and shoot what you want
 

astroNikon

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At least you got to keep the deposit from the signed contract right ??

oh .. no ?

hey ... some people just get an idea and start sharing it with many, many people .. then someone jumps up (more than someone else) and does it.

I wouldn't worry about it.
Why worry about it ... it just takes time and energy away from something else you could be doing like cleaning your lenses and camera :)
 

sscarmack

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I went to school with this kid, we hung out since elementary, always played sports together, etc. We weren't best friends, but we were good buddies. So I thought.

He got engaged, he asked me to do the photos so of course I was honored. Everything went smooth, shoot went great. Asked if I'd do the wedding, awesome!!!

They ended up calling off the engagement, blah blah blah. Six months later got back together, wedding date was set for a year later.

Well, I don't have Facebook or any social media. My fiancé told me they posted a save the date picture online and showed me.

So not only did they go to another photographer for the save the dates, they hired said photographer to do their wedding, after I was already asked!

What did I do? Nothing. I told my fiancé I thought it was a little messed up, but I dropped it and life went on.

It happens to all of us, now you know.
 
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robbins.photo

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I went to school with this kid, we hung out since elementary, always played sports together, etc. We were best friends, but we were good buddies. So I thought.

He got engaged, he asked me to do the photos so of course I was honored. Everything went smooth, shoot went great. Asked if I'd do the wedding, awesome!!!

They ended up calling off the engagement, blah blah blah. Six months later got back together, wedding date was set for a year later.

Well, I don't have Facebook or any social media. My fiancé told me they posted a save the date picture online and showed me.

So not only did they go to another photographer for the save the dates, they hired said photographer to do their wedding, after I was already asked!

What did I do? Nothing. I told my fiancé I thought it was a little messed up, but I dropped it and life went on.

It happens to all of us, now you know.

So, you didn't end up going with the sleep with his husband, ruin his reputation and finances plan? Huh. Go figure.

Lol
 

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