things you thought you'd never have to say until you had kids

[unpopular]

"goldfish don't swim in pee."

that's epic.

When we speak of "the great oil spill of 2010, we're referring to canola, not crude.

 

[ReganP]

"GUMBALLS" My daughter has this really awesome thing she does at the grocery store - she points at people and yells "dumbass". Really loud and then tells me it's just a joke joke. In my delusional mind i pretend nobody can understand her so I pretend she is saying "GUMBALLS" and I say it with her.

This is one of the funniest things I have ever read online, no joke.

 

[cgipson1]

"Why would you eat mommies deodorant?"

"GUMBALLS" My daughter has this really awesome thing she does at the grocery store - she points at people and yells "dumbass". Really loud and then tells me it's just a joke joke. In my delusional mind i pretend nobody can understand her so I pretend she is saying "GUMBALLS" and I say it with her.

"goldfish don't swim in pee."

I would be interested in knowing where your sweet little girl picked this up at! lol!

 

[PixelRabbit]

Yes I'm sure the cat will be cooler now that he has less hair, but I need the scissors now, can I have them please... Oh and I'll take the cat too.

 

[MTVision]

I would be interested in knowing where your sweet little girl picked this up at! lol!

Seriously I have no idea where she got the pointing at people part. I have a potty mouth and it's usually directed at my devil of a cat. Instead of calling my cat a stupid b***ch all the time I changed her nickname to dumbass. Not much better but a little. So she got the dumbass thing from me but the pointing.....beats me. I have never pointed at people and called them dumbass - that's for sure.

I was so embarrassed the first time she did it - and all the other times. But the first time I wasn't even sure what she was saying so stupid me asked "what". Then she really started yelling it while pointing at random people. When I told her it wasn't nice to do that she tells me "It's just a joke joke." which was also something I'd never heard before.

The worse part is she knows she isn't suppose to do it. She spent the night at my moms and was telling her how "mommy was mad because I was pointing and calling people dumbass." Now I think she does it because it gets a reaction from me. It also doesn't help that one of my friends works at the grocery store and she was laughing and saying dumbass too. After we checked out and were walking away my daughter screams really loud "BYE DUMBASS!"

 

[MTVision]

Yes I'm sure the cat will be cooler now that he has less hair, but I need the scissors now, can I have them please... Oh and I'll take the cat too.

LOL! When I was a kid I cut all the whiskers off my cats face. Mean huh??

 

[Derrel]

"Why would you eat mommies deodorant?"

"GUMBALLS" My daughter has this really awesome thing she does at the grocery store - she points at people and yells "dumbass". Really loud and then tells me it's just a joke joke. In my delusional mind i pretend nobody can understand her so I pretend she is saying "GUMBALLS" and I say it with her.

"goldfish don't swim in pee."

I would be interested in knowing where your sweet little girl picked this up at! lol!

That brought back memories! A few years ago when my son was five and we were all in his Mom's van and headed out for a Sunday afternoon event, he shouted from his car seat in the back, "Hey Mom, look at that dip$hi+ talking on his cell phone and driving! Knucklehead!" and my wife turned and looked at me and said, "Huh...I wonder where he's heard that expression!" [stare of daggers]

 

[PixelRabbit]

(shortly after we moved out of the city)

No honey that is harness racing not Mennonite racing.

 

[unpopular]

^^ lmfao

 

[CCericola]

Me: Did you get Bianca some lunch while I was out?
Dad: I thought you fed her before you left she has been running around with a chicken nugget.
Me: We haven't had chicken nuggets for 3 days. BIANCA STOP EATING A 3 DAY OLD CHICKEN NUGGET.
Dad: Where did she hide that from us?
Me: I wish I knew. Now we have to find our 1 year old's stash.

 

[unpopular]

food hoarding is such a child strange behavior. my brother had a gum collection in a cardboard box. He'd select the flavor du jour, and place the chewed gum back into the box when he was finished.

 

[CCericola]

I had almost wished it was a McDonalds nugget. At least there is enough preservatives and salt in them that it wouldn't go bad. No, it was a home made nugget I made 3 days before.

 

[sm4him]

"Why would you eat mommies deodorant?"

"GUMBALLS" My daughter has this really awesome thing she does at the grocery store - she points at people and yells "dumbass". Really loud and then tells me it's just a joke joke. In my delusional mind i pretend nobody can understand her so I pretend she is saying "GUMBALLS" and I say it with her.

"goldfish don't swim in pee."

I would be interested in knowing where your sweet little girl picked this up at! lol! ;-)

That brought back memories! A few years ago when my son was five and we were all in his Mom's van and headed out for a Sunday afternoon event, he shouted from his car seat in the back, "Hey Mom, look at that dip$hi+ talking on his cell phone and driving! Knucklehead!" and my wife turned and looked at me and said, "Huh...I wonder where he's heard that expression!" [stare of daggers]

Yep, good memories, lol!
I was in a store with my eldest (who was then about 2, I think). We were looking at some greeting cards, and a quite "substantial" woman had moved in between us, so I tried to just discreetly motion for my son to come over by me, and sort of whispered, "just go around." To which my son replied, in an incredibly loud voice, "I CAN'T go around, mommy--she's TOO FAT!"

Yes I'm sure the cat will be cooler now that he has less hair, but I need the scissors now, can I have them please... Oh and I'll take the cat too.

Oh, yeah, that reminds me of one, too:

"Yes, honey, I agree that a rainbow-colored cat would be pretty, but that's NOT what mommy's acrylic paints are FOR."
It takes a remarkably long time to remove acrylic paint from a cat.