things you thought you'd never have to say until you had kids

[unpopular]

"No. We don't eat calculators; eat some chicken"

 

[jwbryson1]

Stop bouncing your sister.

 

[unpopular]

"STOP! You don't need to dip mom's purse in sour cream!" (or something to that effect)

"The oven doesn't need quarters" (same night, moments later)

 

[sm4him]

"Don't dunk Mommy's toothbrush into the toilet." :lmao: No, seriously, folks, a word to the wise: Go ahead and tell your kiddos NOW that toothbrushes do not belong in the toilet. Don't wait until you walk in on them dunking your toothbrush in the toilet, because then you will have NO idea how many times they did it BEFORE you caught them. Just sayin'.

My least favorite phrase of my father's, which became my most used phrase as a parent:
"You don't HAVE to WANT to, you just have to DO it."

 

[unpopular]

No, seriously, folks, a word to the wise: Go ahead and tell your kiddos NOW that toothbrushes do not belong in the toilet.

It's been a while since you've had toddlers, hasn't it. Because I would NEVER even give my son the idea in the first place that toothbrushes CAN go in the toilet. If I mentioned this to him, I can just imagine the gears spinning.

 

[unpopular]

A conversation between my father and brother

Dad: "Nathaniel, did you put rocks in the pipe"
Nathaniel runs inside and looks guiltily over the giant hold in the ground where the pipe sewage had to be replaced, on the day before thankgiving when we were expecting a large number of family to visit
Nathaniel: "I have to go tell dad something"

 

[sm4him]

No, seriously, folks, a word to the wise: Go ahead and tell your kiddos NOW that toothbrushes do not belong in the toilet.

It's been a while since you've had toddlers, hasn't it. Because I would NEVER even give my son the idea in the first place that toothbrushes CAN go in the toilet. If I mentioned this to him, I can just imagine the gears spinning.

a. Yes, it has. QUITE a while.
b. That was an attempt at levity, not to be taken that I literally believe you should go have a sit-down talk with your toddler about toothbrushes and appropriate water sources. Although, I DO believe you make sure your toothbrush is completely inaccessible to your toddler.
c. I assure you, particularly if the toddler is a boy--if they have been in the bathroom for any period of time, and if the toothbrushes are within reach, the gears are ALREADY spinning. :lmao:

 

[Big Mike]

Is that chocolate or poop?

 

[Compaq]

I suppose I'll chime in here in some years

 

[usayit]

SSSHHHHH......... errrr.... .<deep breath> smile.

 

[subscuck]

Quit pickin' and lickin'.

 

[Designer]

Just because I've had to say this more times than I could count: "Leave the dogs ALONE!"

Stepping on, tripping over, falling on, poking, prodding, chasing with toy tea cart, throwing toys at, moving food bowl, dumping water dish, and the one that ended in retaliation; blowing into the nose. (got bit on that one)

 

[Derrel]

"How much toilet paper do you think this thing can take before it floods over? No...no....no....not NEARLY that much."

"Is that blood, or is that ketchup on the couch?"

"Yes, that much cake CAN make a person throw up, honey."

"You let that cat OUT OF THE DRYER this INSTANT!"

"Every time I step on a Lego at 3 in the morning in the pitch dark on my way to the bathroom, I'm gonna pick it up and throw it out into the street!"

 

[Stradawhovious]

"Now kids.... Tell me what we don't bring up in front of Grandma......."

 

[MTVision]

"Why would you eat mommies deodorant?"

"GUMBALLS" My daughter has this really awesome thing she does at the grocery store - she points at people and yells "dumbass". Really loud and then tells me it's just a joke joke. In my delusional mind i pretend nobody can understand her so I pretend she is saying "GUMBALLS" and I say it with her.

"goldfish don't swim in pee."