I think the biggest issue is flash-power ratio here. It looks like your fill (behind?) flash is much stronger than the two front ones. This leads to a confusing lighting pattern, where the "shadow" or "darker" areas are actually brighter than the focus of main part of the face. You want your MAIN light to look like a main light, and be powerful enough to match. The fill should be around a stop or more (depending on your proximity, modifier, etc) below your main. Keep at it!
Jake
P.S. I do like the composition. Not an angle we typically see.