Wedding Ad Feedback?

[Designer]

I've learned to ignore the people on here that post comments irrelevant to the original post. Just not worth the effort. To those that have shared their opinions about the ad - thank you. I have made changes based on your feedback.

You certainly have steadfastly ignored my comments and suggestions in the past, and you have once again ignored the broad hint that I offered in this thread. Apparently you already know more than anyone who is experienced in business, so no need to learn anything more. In spite of it all, I still wish you luck and success. You're going to need it.

 

[limr]

You certainly have steadfastly ignored my comments and suggestions in the past, and you have once again ignored the broad hint that I offered in this thread. Apparently you already know more than anyone who is experienced in business, so no need to learn anything more. In spite of it all, I still wish you luck and success. You're going to need it.

I know I've learned my lesson. Discussions about language are totally irrelevant in a post asking for feedback on a written advertisement. Because language has nothing to do with writing. So I'll keep my opinions about the writing to myself.

 

[DGMPhotography]

I've learned to ignore the people on here that post comments irrelevant to the original post. Just not worth the effort. To those that have shared their opinions about the ad - thank you. I have made changes based on your feedback.

You certainly have steadfastly ignored my comments and suggestions in the past, and you have once again ignored the broad hint that I offered in this thread. Apparently you already know more than anyone who is experienced in business, so no need to learn anything more. In spite of it all, I still wish you luck and success. You're going to need it.

I've tried to ignore your blantant attempts to get a rise out of me, but this is just too much. Get off your holier-than-thou high horse.

I clearly did take the feedback here to heart, as you will see from the third version of my ad that I completely changed it based on the feedback I got here. John's, in particular.

You certainly have steadfastly ignored my comments and suggestions in the past, and you have once again ignored the broad hint that I offered in this thread. Apparently you already know more than anyone who is experienced in business, so no need to learn anything more. In spite of it all, I still wish you luck and success. You're going to need it.

I know I've learned my lesson. Discussions about language are totally irrelevant in a post asking for feedback on a written advertisement. Because language has nothing to do with writing. So I'll keep my opinions about the writing to myself.

Comments about the ad itself are relevant. Arguments with someone else who was giving me feedback is not. And now y'all have got me off topic too. Ridiculous.

 

[Derrel]

"and take that magical photo" should most definitely be dropped, in favor of "and make those magical photos". Adding the word make instead of take makes it seem that you are more in-control and less of an opportunist, and even more-importantly, changing from "that magical photo" (you are going to make only one, magical image?) to "make those magical photos" creates the idea that there will be multiple magical, lovely photos.

Think about the phrase, "Make the many magical wedding photos you've always dreamed about," as opposed to "take that magical photo." Similarly, something like "I will create the many lovely wedding photos you've dreamed about for so long."

Sell it!

Speaking of lovely, there are words that people like, words like beautiful,lovely,gem,happiness,etc.,and there are words that people dislike, like moist, impetuous,cancer,and so on. I think you need to be very careful on the ad copy. Every single word needs to be considered. For example the statement, "I will record __ _____ __ ___ ___." That word, record, is passive, not active, and also makes me think you'll be shooting video. Instead of record, do you mean that you will document the day?

 

[DGMPhotography]

"and take that magical photo" should most definitely be dropped, in favor of "and make those magical photos". Adding the word make instead of take makes it seem that you are more in-control and less of an opportunist, and even more-importantly, changing from "that magical photo" (you are going to make only one, magical image?) to "make those magical photos" creates the idea that there will be multiple magical, lovely photos.

Think about the phrase, "Make the many magical wedding photos you've always dreamed about," as opposed to "take that magical photo." Similarly, something like "I will create the many lovely wedding photos you've dreamed about for so long."

Sell it!

Speaking of lovely, there are words that people like, words like beautiful,lovely,gem,happiness,etc.,and there are words that people dislike, like moist, impetuous,cancer,and so on. I think you need to be very careful on the ad copy. Every single word needs to be considered. For example the statement, "I will record __ _____ __ ___ ___." That word, record, is passive, not active, and also makes me think you'll be shooting video. Instead of record, do you mean that you will document the day?

Good ideas, thanks! I was hoping you would chime in.

 

[DGMPhotography]

Here's the latest version:

Getting married soon?

When it comes to capturing those special moments, you want the very best for your beautiful wedding day, and in Virginia, that's Enchanted Weddings by Daryll Morgan Photography.

Together we'll create the magical photos you've always dreamed of; images you'll cherish with family and friends for years to come.

Dates are filling up fast, so act soon! Booking and info at www.daryllmorgan.com. Currently offering a FREE album with your package while supplies last!

Video: https://drive.google.com/a/daryllmo...R2em-xHFj8njjoKnnEVy8gxihl0/view?usp=drivesdk

 

[Derrel]

I'm on my phone right now, and it's Friday night. I gave your new ad copy a quick read through, and I think it's much better than the earlier two versions.

 

[Derrel]

Good ad copy.

 

[Vtec44]

I know I've learned my lesson. Discussions about language are totally irrelevant in a post asking for feedback on a written advertisement. Because language has nothing to do with writing. So I'll keep my opinions about the writing to myself.

I'm not running an ad or requested feed back on my written advertisement. So nice, try. Feel free to continue to contribute something helpful to the original post.