I would upgrade the area you feel is most lacking, or that you feel would most benefit your photography.
the D7100 would indeed be a huge upgrade from the D3100, but do you feel you are missing shots because the d3100 isn't focusing?
do you need better low light performance? do you need a better sensor, dual command wheels, top LCD screen, dual card slots, built in focus motor...?
if yes, i would get the D7100 first.
if you need more focal length because you are not getting the shots you want and everything else is fine...get the lens.
Yeah...there comes a time when the body becomes a limiting factor.
I bought GREAT lenses in the early- and mid-2000's...70-200/2.8, 300 f/4 AF-S, 300/2.8, and so on and more, but the fact was, with the Canon 5D Classic and the Nikon D2x, BOTH of those cameras became liabilities compared to what a D3x body (with a DxO Mark sensor score of like 88) brought to my shooting the very first week I had it.
I had been shooting with GREAT lenses since 2002...but by early 2012, my camera models from 2005, D2x 12MP, and 2006, Canon 5D Classic, were really NOT "leveraging" my glass. Lenses are important, but for some uses, some situations, the BODY and the sensor it has, become the deal-breakers or deal-makers.
To me, the new-sensor, 24MP Nikon bodies are the new standard. the D800 and D800 E are at like DxO Mark 98 scores. The D3100 is a simple body with a not-so-great viewfinder. I don't have the D7100, but I SEE HOW AWESOME its image quality is on a daily basis when I see D7100 pictures. Or D600 pictures. Or Canon 5D-III pictures.
I see the D7100 and the other 24MP + Nikons as being tools to "leverage" lenses and flashes. Well worth the money.