writing a song

[GFS]

Hi!

I'm not a photographer, but I'm writing a song about one. well, i guess that's not entirely accurate. i'm writing about a fading friendship with one. anyway, there are a few lines that i really want to make sure make sense before i put this out online and make a fool of myself.

here are the lyrics, the lines that i want to be sure are accurate are in bold:


when i look back on my time here
i wish i had spent it more wise, dear
i wish that i could say i had tried
but you don't need a macro lens
you don't need to zoom in
to see a flaw that's 10 miles wide


oh, i slipped right out of focus
i'm becoming bokeh, my friend
well i f$#@%d it up this time
and i don't think your angle's wide enough
to fit me in your frame again
whoa oh oh

she said "i think that you should know
to dial down your ISO
cause i am sure you're making too much noise
it ain't grainy or vintage
but i swear every single picture
is just making more and more annoyed"

oh, i slipped right out of focus
i'm becoming bokeh, my friend
well i f$#@%d it up this time
and i don't think your angle's wide enough
to fit me in your frame again

i need to find some balance
cause everything is getting blown out
and if you need me to leave
i don't need to be shown out
just increase the aperture
lower the f-stop number
push the button and watch me as...

i slip right out of focus
i'm becoming bokeh, my friend
well i f$#@%d it up this time
and i don't think your angle's wide enough
to fit me in your frame again

ISO, when it's too high, that makes your pictures noisy, right? on film, it would add grain, but with a DSLR it's just pixelated noise, correct?

do you use white balance when certain colors are blown out?

and is "increase aperture and lower the f-stop number" a (very basic) description of the steps to achieve the bokeh effect?

THANK YOU!!!!

 

[proberok]

Pretty much on point. My concern is the amount of syllables in each sentence. Depending on the flow, there may be too much going on to cram all those words into one line.

 

[GFS]

thanks!!

i've been writing songs for myself (and bands i've been in) since 1997, so i can make the syllables work for me hahah.

here's the song:

http://fatwreckwiki.com/jgt/out-of-the-picture2.mp3

it has the F word in it, just in case you are at work!

appreciate the fact checking!!

 

[Compaq]

Dude, I loved this song Epic lyrics, with meaning. I liked the stripped down presentation. I like your voice. Just, I LIKE it. I want it in one of my spotify playlists!

I just wish there was a small break for some guitar deliciousness. In my opinion, almost all songs are better with a guitar solo

Update: I downloaded it from that site. Syncing it now