creative careers are foolish

[bribrius]

sounds like you were raised like me. It isn't that they are for weak or women, it is that it isn't about you. It is about your responsibilities and obligations. All emotional and frigged in the head you aren't beneficial to anyone. Ever hear the term "build your house on solid rock". Well NEWS FLASH. Soon as you reproduced you became that solid rock. And if you can't hold it together who else is going to be that rock? The wife or the baby? Go chop some wood. Life goes on. Get over it.

Yeah I have a very, very hard time with empathy. Sympathy sure, but empathy is a tough nut to crack.

Honestly. I had a similar conversation with a photographer/videographer i know last year. He had two modes. "poor me" or "i need another drink". He showed up on my door step a few times. Looking for someone to feed into it. And i told him the same damn thing i am saying in this thread. Course, he didn't listen. A year later his wife divorced him. Dropped a restrainer on him. The state stepped in because of his potential "mental health issues" wondering if he is a danger to the children. Now he is restricted to supervised visitation. why? he thought it was all about him. And when push came to shove everyone else got involved in protecting the wife and kids from HIM. So if he went on some drunken binge pity party and decided to eat a bullet at least he would only be taking himself out.
I told him to get over it. He didn't listen.

 

[mmaria]

Learned behavior I guess. Emotions are seen as weakness and weakness will not be tolerated. I have to fight that urge and realize it's ok to be seen as "weak".

but then how is alcohol seen?

you're a big dude with a beard... a bit of emotions showed won't crush the image of you, it would just make you look ..idk, approachable maybe, not weak.

I'm amazed with how you guys see "weak"... I think I even don't have that word in my vocabulary nor I've ever thought that a guy in an emotional state is "a weak one".. and I'm pretty sure that applies on majority of women.

 

[runnah]

Learned behavior I guess. Emotions are seen as weakness and weakness will not be tolerated. I have to fight that urge and realize it's ok to be seen as "weak".

but then how is alcohol seen?

you're a big dude with a beard... a bit of emotions showed won't crush the image of you, it would just make you look ..idk, approachable maybe, not weak.

I'm amazed with how you guys see "weak"... I think I even don't have that word in my vocabulary nor I've ever thought that a guy in an emotional state is "a weak one".. and I'm pretty sure that applies on majority of women.

Eh, booze is a crutch and an escape. Helps to turn the mind off for a bit. Lol I sounds like a massive drunk.

I am not a emotionless robot! I do have then I just check myself before I expose too much.

Yeah weakness was/is seen as a very bad thing for guys. Men are expected to be strong and powerful. This means big muscles, a powerful job, flashy car, beautiful wife etc...

 

[Gary A.]

For me, if I wore-my-emotions-on-my-sleeve, if they were not in "check", I couldn't perform my job as a photojournalist.

 

[bribrius]

Learned behavior I guess. Emotions are seen as weakness and weakness will not be tolerated. I have to fight that urge and realize it's ok to be seen as "weak".

but then how is alcohol seen?

you're a big dude with a beard... a bit of emotions showed won't crush the image of you, it would just make you look ..idk, approachable maybe, not weak.

I'm amazed with how you guys see "weak"... I think I even don't have that word in my vocabulary nor I've ever thought that a guy in an emotional state is "a weak one".. and I'm pretty sure that applies on majority of women.

Eh, booze is a crutch and an escape. Helps to turn the mind off for a bit. Lol I sounds like a massive drunk.

I am not a emotionless robot! I do have then I just check myself before I expose too much.

Yeah weakness was/is seen as a very bad thing for guys. Men are expected to be strong and powerful. This means big muscles, a powerful job, flashy car, beautiful wife etc...

In my book (anyway) a guy that drives a subaru (responsible good on gas), tries to support his family, has a couple night caps before bed (keeps his wits about him) and holds it together so his wife and kids aren't insecure as all hell is a man. You can have big muscles, a powerful job, and flashy car and still be a total putz.

 

[runnah]

Learned behavior I guess. Emotions are seen as weakness and weakness will not be tolerated. I have to fight that urge and realize it's ok to be seen as "weak".

but then how is alcohol seen?

you're a big dude with a beard... a bit of emotions showed won't crush the image of you, it would just make you look ..idk, approachable maybe, not weak.

I'm amazed with how you guys see "weak"... I think I even don't have that word in my vocabulary nor I've ever thought that a guy in an emotional state is "a weak one".. and I'm pretty sure that applies on majority of women.

Eh, booze is a crutch and an escape. Helps to turn the mind off for a bit. Lol I sounds like a massive drunk.

I am not a emotionless robot! I do have then I just check myself before I expose too much.

Yeah weakness was/is seen as a very bad thing for guys. Men are expected to be strong and powerful. This means big muscles, a powerful job, flashy car, beautiful wife etc...

In my book (anyway) a guy that drives a subaru (responsible good on gas), tries to support his family, has a couple night caps before bed (keeps his wits about him) and holds it together so his wife and kids aren't insecure as all hell is a man. You can have big muscles, a powerful job, and flashy car and still be a total putz.

Well it's more to society view of being a man. Just like fake tits and blonde hair are for ladies.

 

[limr]

I'm not insinuating anything at all, I've just mentioned that because there is a reason I want to know why do you take that path?

Learned behavior I guess. Emotions are seen as weakness and weakness will not be tolerated. I have to fight that urge and realize it's ok to be seen as "weak".

This is the part of the equation that has always bothered me (in general - not specifically about your comments. You just happened to say something that triggered this reaction.)

It's not a question of people accepting weakness. It's a matter of people accepting the fact that emotions can be the source of strength and are NOT a sign of weakness.

Someone can have and show emotions and still be taking care of responsibilities. These two things are not mutually exclusive. The idea that someone would like to be more satisfied at work and who expresses that does not mean someone is "all emotional and frigged up in the head" and suddenly shirking responsibilities. It simply means that person is human.

Compassion is not weakness and it's bullsh*t that anyone would think so.

 

[limr]

Well it's more to society view of being a man. Just like fake tits and blonde hair are for ladies.

And that's why traditional gender roles and stereotypes are just as destructive for men as they are for women. I can't for the life of me understand why we're so invested in thoughts that make us all feel like crap about ourselves.

 

[runnah]

I'm not insinuating anything at all, I've just mentioned that because there is a reason I want to know why do you take that path?

Learned behavior I guess. Emotions are seen as weakness and weakness will not be tolerated. I have to fight that urge and realize it's ok to be seen as "weak".

This is the part of the equation that has always bothered me (in general - not specifically about your comments. You just happened to say something that triggered this reaction.)

It's not a question of people accepting weakness. It's a matter of people accepting the fact that emotions can be the source of strength and are NOT a sign of weakness.

Someone can have and show emotions and still be taking care of responsibilities. These two things are not mutually exclusive. The idea that someone would like to be more satisfied at work and who expresses that does not mean someone is "all emotional and frigged up in the head" and suddenly shirking responsibilities. It simply means that person is human.

Compassion is not weakness and it's bullsh*t that anyone would think so.

It's slowly going away, I see it already in people younger than me. But I am still from the "boys don't cry" era. Its hard to break free of that after growing up with it for so long.

 

[bribrius]

I'm not insinuating anything at all, I've just mentioned that because there is a reason I want to know why do you take that path?

Learned behavior I guess. Emotions are seen as weakness and weakness will not be tolerated. I have to fight that urge and realize it's ok to be seen as "weak".

This is the part of the equation that has always bothered me (in general - not specifically about your comments. You just happened to say something that triggered this reaction.)

It's not a question of people accepting weakness. It's a matter of people accepting the fact that emotions can be the source of strength and are NOT a sign of weakness.

Someone can have and show emotions and still be taking care of responsibilities. These two things are not mutually exclusive. The idea that someone would like to be more satisfied at work and who expresses that does not mean someone is "all emotional and frigged up in the head" and suddenly shirking responsibilities. It simply means that person is human.

Compassion is not weakness and it's bullsh*t that anyone would think so.

It's slowly going away, I see it already in people younger than me. But I am still from the "boys don't cry" era. Its hard to break free of that after growing up with it for so long.

That isn't a good thing. IMO. The men are crying more than the women of thirty years ago did. You guys are putting a total spin on this. It is these old mentalities that survived the great depression, made it through wars, settled the plains. I get that it is "old school thinking" but there is a reason it is there. And i am not "discounting emotion" because of lacking sympathy. Just the reason some of these mentalities existed is because it revolved around sheer survival and building a country. It is easy to say "we shouldn't think like that anymore" but the ones saying that weren't the ones that built the country. Most of those in the emotion camp never built anything. Emotion does little good when you are starving or need to build a house or keep a farm or anything independent and productive. I could cry over the snow in my driveway but it isn't going to move it out of the way any quicker.

 

[limr]

That isn't a good thing. IMO. The men are crying more than the women of thirty years ago did. You guys are putting a total spin on this. It is these old mentalities that survived the great depression, made it through wars, settled the plains. I get that it is "old school thinking" but there is a reason it is there. And i am not "discounting emotion" because of lacking sympathy. Just the reason some of these mentalities existed is because it revolved around sheer survival and building a country. It is easy to say "we shouldn't think like that anymore" but the ones saying that weren't the ones that built the country. Most of those in the emotion camp never built anything. Emotion does little good when you are starving or need to build a house or keep a farm or anything independent and productive. I could cry over the snow in my driveway but it isn't going to move it out of the way any quicker.

Bullsh*t.

 

[bribrius]

That isn't a good thing. IMO. The men are crying more than the women of thirty years ago did. You guys are putting a total spin on this. It is these old mentalities that survived the great depression, made it through wars, settled the plains. I get that it is "old school thinking" but there is a reason it is there. And i am not "discounting emotion" because of lacking sympathy. Just the reason some of these mentalities existed is because it revolved around sheer survival and building a country. It is easy to say "we shouldn't think like that anymore" but the ones saying that weren't the ones that built the country. Most of those in the emotion camp never built anything. Emotion does little good when you are starving or need to build a house or keep a farm or anything independent and productive. I could cry over the snow in my driveway but it isn't going to move it out of the way any quicker.

Bullsh*t.

harsh truth of it. run out of food and go try to grow a crop and tell me how much emotion helps.

 

[bribrius]

disagree all you want. Sorry i peed in your cheerios with the reality check.

 

[limr]

And tell me how emotions get in the way of someone taking care of their responsibilities.

How many parents cried in private because of the troubles they were having? How many people feel stressed and vent after work with some friends, but then still go into work the next day and get their jobs done? How many people are driven by emotion to work harder to provide for their families or even to work for other people?

It is pure and utter excrement to say that emotions never built anything and that people who show their emotions can't survive.

 

[photoguy99]

I get what you're saying, bribrius.

There's plenty of room for emotional displays in our society, we're affluent and lucky. But even here, when the stuff is hittin' the fan someone's got to get down to business and get things done. Even if it's trivial, the wife is sick, and someone's gotta put the kids to bed and wash the dishes. Getting on facebook and whining about how hard your life is isn't going to get the dishes any cleaner.

This doesn't mean there's no love, there's no sadness, there's no anguish. It's there, but you put it down for a bit to get the dishes washed, or get the kid to the ER, or plant the corn, or bury the cow, or whatever.

I had NO idea what this has to do with the OP's remarks, though.