Witty help needed ASAP

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by jocose, Sep 21, 2005.

  1. jocose

    jocose TPF Noob!

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    Hey gang,

    As you are all multi-talented, I figured that I would ask for your help/advice/suggestions.

    About a month ago I asked my sister (for the 3rd or 4th time) if she wanted me to speak at her wedding. She said no, I was fine to do nothing but be in the wedding party, and that I didn't need to worry about giving a speach/toast.

    My mother called me last night and said something to the effect of "I've been meaning to mention this, and I probably should have done it earlier, but you should think about something to say at the wedding." :pissed:

    Of course, I was prepared NOT to say anything, but here it is, Wednesday, and the wedding is Saturday, and I have nothing written, have not even thought about it, and haven't a f'in' clue what to write.

    So, I beseach upon your witicism and wisdom. Can anyone help with suggestions?

    Thanks so much.
     
  2. Big Mike

    Big Mike I am Big, I am Mike Staff Member Supporting Member

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    How about this....

    Tell the bride to hold out her hand, tell the groom to put his hand on her hand. Tell the groom to look into her eyes and remember this moment...

    because it is the last time he will ever have the upper hand in the relationship. :lol:
     
  3. Alison

    Alison Swiss Army Friend Supporting Member

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    As a wedding photographer I often see the bride and groom get frustrated as speeches go on, and on, and on! Keep it short and sweet. A little joke is fun...I like Mike's suggestion! Also, since it was your Mother that told you to speak, you might want to run it by your sister to see if that is HER wish, and not your Mom's ;)
     
  4. jocose

    jocose TPF Noob!

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    that's pretty good!

    I think he's pretty smart and already figured that out though (so it makes me wonder what he was thinking when he proposed :lol: )
     
  5. jocose

    jocose TPF Noob!

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    That is sound advice (the first part); I hate speaking in front of groups, so I promise here and now that it will be short.

    I tried to call my sister @ work, but I think that she is already on leave...damn. That means that I still need to have something prepared in case she says yes. But the truth is that if that what my mom whats, that is what happens :)

    That is something fascinating that I have learned during this process...actually both of my sisters are getting married, one this weekend and the other in March. And it has just be absolutely fascinating to me to watch how all of this works. I have realized that it's not really true when people say that it's not about the groom but about the bride....it's really about the parents. Both of my sisters wanted to elope (or at least just get married by the justice of the peace, but my mom insisted on a big-deal wedding.
     
  6. Big Mike

    Big Mike I am Big, I am Mike Staff Member Supporting Member

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    I'm getting married in a few weeks...and you are right. Often it is about the parents throwing a party. I think that is a kind of tradition that has been passed down from simpler days. It used to be that people lived with their parents until they got married...not so much these days.

    The parents would throw a huge party and everyone who came would bring gifts/money to help the couple get their start.

    Often, the thought is that so & so invited us to their daughter's wedding, so we invite them...& so on & so on. It can also be about status...putting on a big lavish wedding for your children, is a way to show off to your friends & family. That's not really the case with mine but I've seen it at may other weddings.
     
  7. jocose

    jocose TPF Noob!

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    Mike,


    You are quite right about the last bit. Fortunately, these aren't like that either. It's more like, well you have to invite Cousin Bob. Who cares if you've never heard of him, he's your cousin, and we were very close before you were born.

    My sister wanted only to invite people she wanted to have there, but my mom insisted that many others needed to be invited.
     
  8. hobbes28

    hobbes28 Incredible Supporting Member

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    I think the best funny thing I ever heard was by a dj at a wedding I was recording. He says, "Being in love is like peeing your pants....Everybody can see it but only you feel the warmth."

    I almost felt the warmth myself from laughing so hard.
     
  9. jocose

    jocose TPF Noob!

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    LOL

    That's pretty funny!!!

    I came up with something, but I'm not sure I like it. Apparently, not only am I selfconscious about speaking in front of people, but also about what I would say :)

    Once I finish tweaking it, I might post it...we'll see how brave I am.
     
  10. Artemis

    Artemis Just Punked Himself

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    I do a lot of acting, and talking to people, and im a nervous guy.
    Remember, confidence comes accross so well people will love you, and just be ready for an answer to everything, and that, who cares? everyone WANTS you to speak, otherwise you wouldnt be speaking...
     
  11. jocose

    jocose TPF Noob!

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    Acting...I have spent the greater part of my theatrical career either behind the curtain or in the classroom :)

    I'm not really petrified to speak...after all, you're right. Everyone is there not to be judgmental, but to laugh and have a good time (well, his family anyway--mine is DEFINITELY there to be judgmental :lol: )

    But you are right...if I trully sucked they would be thinking of excuses that I shouldn't be speaking rather than guilting me into speaking.

    OK, here's the first draft of what I am thinking about saying. What say all of you?



    For my family, no, I am not going to sing. For anyone who doesn’t get that, I’m Jocose, A’s brother. A originally told me I wasn’t allowed to speak and then, in her usual fashion denied that she said that. So, since I found out only 4 nights ago that I was allowed to give a toast, I promise this will be very short.

    I thought of many mean stories I could share with you about A, but apparently, toast etiquette says I’m not supposed to embarrass the bride. Then I thought of all the sappy stories I could tell about how wonderful of a big sister A was to me growing up, but then I realized that I was remembering Brady Bunch reruns and not our own childhood. Then I remembered that I needed to include M. I only have one funny story about meeting M, but apparently it was only funny in my head.

    So instead of trying to embarrass A and M, or embarrassing myself with not-funny jokes, I decided to follow Jewish custom and offer a blessing. Traditionally, the Sheva Brachot, the 7 wedding blessings, are recited during the wedding ceremony, and since I promised this would be short, I offer the one I deem the most important:

    “Let the loving couple be happy, just as You made Your creation happy in the garden of Eden, so long ago. Blessed are you, Lord, who makes the bridegroom and the bride happy.”

    Speaking of bridegrooms and brides being happy, my parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary last month, and because A is so much like our mother—having inherited that creepy stalking gene and all—I have no doubt that in 40 years from today, I will again be standing up and offering a toast to A and M’s 40 years of happiness and togetherness.

    In keeping with my theme of Jewish custom and weddings, I will of course end this with the traditional Jewish toast—actually, the only one really—“l’chaim.” Although she has done a wonderful job teaching M all the important Yiddish words and expressions, and even though she is once again fluent in Hebrew having just gotten back from Israel, I won’t embarrass A by asking her to demonstrate her amazing knack for Hebrew. But if I were to ask people to translate “l’chaim,” they would most likely say it means “To Life,” just like Tevya taught us in Fiddler on the Roof. This is in fact incorrect. “L’Chai” means to life; the toast “l’chaim” is plural and actually means “to lives.” The rabbis say that this expresses the idea that no one can live life alone, that we all need someone to share it with. There’s no point in toasting to life alone, they say, because a life that is not shared, is a life unlivable. So, we toast “to lives,” in which we share with others what is truly meaningful in life.

    A and M are now sharing their lives not just with each other, but with each other’s friends and each other’s families, and as such, it is all the more fitting that we raise our glasses and drink to the blending of all of these lives. “L’Chaim.”
     
  12. Artemis

    Artemis Just Punked Himself

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    "Ladies and gentlemen, if I could only say a few words, this would make an interesting speech"
    Then sit down.


    OR


    "And now, for the man who needs no introduction"
    Sit down.
     

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