:(

[luvmyfamily]

For some people, control is more important than love and partnership. Partnership is based on respect, trust and shared goals. In a controlling relationship, trust and respect are absent, and are replaced by a power dynamic. Power tends to be one-way, non-equal, possessive, and abusive. Replacing the power relationship with a trusting one, requires sharing, letting go, a two-way conversation, a willingness to respect other points of view. If the people in a relationship are not used to this, then there is a lot of hard work ahead, to learn how to talk, to trust, to accept differences. I have no idea if that's the dynamic in your situation, but if it is, you'll need strength, patience, and self-assurance. Hopefully you have all that and can see this thing through.

His control has gotten worse over the years. I am no dishmat wife, so we are like oil and water sometimes because I fight back when he makes stabs at me. We don't have trust issues, but respect maybe. If you google controlling husband, he has probably 90% of the symptoms. He goes on rages, (can't believe I'm putting this on here) has punched holes in walls, doors, creamed at me an inch away from my face, never hit me though. I can't do anything to make him happy....no matter if he got $ex 8 times a day, I kept the house anal retentively cleaned.....there would still be something! We are in therapy, I have spoken to my therapist alone and he is going through a process to help him realize this. I have already left twice, im tired of running, haven't been spending much time on photography lately, becoming depressed, sleeping more...this is just not me. A lot of women do not know the signs of controlling emotional abuse, they think it's just the guy being a jerk. He got onto me the other day because the garage was a mess and the laundry room was a mess. I left over the weekend, came back because my kids go to school here. While I was gone, he anal retentively cleaned the exact things he got onto me for.....told my therapist that today and he said he did that to make me feel worthless. Trying a new tactic. I will only take so much more.....this is exhausting...

 

[luvmyfamily]

I also suggested time apart....he won't go...

 

[rgregory1965]

I just read this thread...I wish you the best of luck....It can be hard sometimes, I dont really have any advise other than keep strong. I have only read one side of the story and there is always two.

 

[Bitter Jeweler]

Yeah, I am sure there is more than one side of the story as well.

But there is no reason to force something that isn't there.

 

[luvmyfamily]

Yeah, I am sure there is more than one side of the story as well.

But there is no reason to force something that isn't there.

Yes, 2 sides to every story, but wow, I am emotionally beat down. Trying to come out of it and get back to my happy bubby free spirited, singing in the car self

 

[Mrgiggls]

Life is way too short to spend it trying to engineer someone elses happiness at your own expense.

I'm not saying there is blame to be laid for unhappiness on anyone's part here, but if it's not there and you are stressing yourself into tears trying to manufacture it then that fact needs to be looked at seriously.

I will be following this thread and wishing you a happier times.

 

[Kerbouchard]

Life sucks and then you die.

When I read your first post, I was kind of like, 'who cares'. As I am reading your later posts, I have changed my mind. This sounds like a situation you need to get out of. It's tough. It will be hard. Honestly, it will probably be the hardest thing you have ever done. Leaving the familiarity and 'somewhat' security is scary, but if you are unhappy there is no reason to try to keep it going.

I am sure there are two sides to this story, but that doesn't really matter. Sometimes, two people just don't click. That's why there are about 6 billion others out there.

Oh, and for what it's worth, I could see my wife posting the exact same things you are posting. Basically, an identical story, but we are happily married. Like I said, sometimes two people just don't click. And in the grand scheme of things, that is all that matters.

Do what is right for you and your kids.

 

[luvmyfamily]

Life sucks and then you die.

When I read your first post, I was kind of like, 'who cares'. As I am reading your later posts, I have changed my mind. This sounds like a situation you need to get out of. It's tough. It will be hard. Honestly, it will probably be the hardest thing you have ever done. Leaving the familiarity and 'somewhat' security is scary, but if you are unhappy there is no reason to try to keep it going.

I am sure there are two sides to this story, but that doesn't really matter. Sometimes, two people just don't click. That's why there are about 6 billion others out there.

Oh, and for what it's worth, I could see my wife posting the exact same things you are posting. Basically, an identical story, but we are happily married. Like I said, sometimes two people just don't click. And in the grand scheme of things, that is all that matters.

Do what is right for you and your kids.

Nothing any better. I tried to get out with some friends yesterday for a bit, and before I left, he turned all the wedding photos down. Does things just to hut me purposely. Switching therapists, found out we have a quack that was using NLP "neuro linguistic programming" on us, hipnotic crap. I call it mind F'ing. We got worse while under his care. He was also using inappropriate words while in a session alone with me that i am not allowed to say on here. Anyway, switching and still hoping for the best.

 

[Mach0]

Sometimes, the best thing is to count your blessings, and part ways.

 

[IByte]

Stay strong lil lady things will work out.

 

[snowbear]

We're pulling for you.

 

[Dominantly]

From what you've said so far, I would say get out.

He sounds like he has some real issues, maybe even some at the sociopath level.

It's always best to think a few steps ahead, especially if it keeps you off the news.

 

[elizabethysmom]

After reading all that he has done it seems that it may be time for you to leave. If you don't do it for yourself do it for your kids who are watching him treat you like this. Do you have family you can stay with for support?

 

[luvmyfamily]

Ok, I am not taking up for him nor his actions, but we have been together for 16 years, have had many great times, it just seems the control has gotten worse each year. I reeally have faith that therapy can help. I think the reason we argue so much is he tries to control me, and I don't take it, so that makes oil and water. All has been quiet since i told him I had the police on speed dial and if he yelled or screamed at me in front of the kids anymore, I'm dialing! Now, he is doing quiet things to get to me like turning over the wedding photos when I was going to get out for a bit with friends. This has been a 9 week long fight between us, and throw a quack therapist on top of it! When he is not angry, he treats me like a queen. The problem here, is that I am always the one who says I'm sorry for something I didn't do.....and I'm not budging this time because I am using tough love to teach him he can't do this again. Doesn't look like he is budging yet either, however he is willing to go to therapy with speaks volumes. I can't just leave someone after 16 years, when I know there is hope. I am fine, going on about my business. I DO think we need time apart, just waiting for school to get out for the kids and I can go stay with family for a while. Leaving seems to be the only thing that works to get his head out of his azz. Last thing he wants is to lose me. He treats our son like GOLD. It's just me he takes it out on. If you google controlling and emotional abuse, there is a cycle, which i am determined to STOP, or, YES, I am gone!!!

 

[HughGuessWho]

Passive aggressive behavior is hard to deal with. Their defense is always "what? I just turned the pictures over. You are over reacting". And if they are I denial, its near impossible for a counselor to deal with them. You're in a tough spot my friend. Hang in there and do what's best for you. He sure isn't going to.