I would have personally got up close and personal with only 1 or 2 of the flowers, instead of seeing the bunch of them as you did, but it could be a limitation of your equipment, and that was as close as you could get.
Agree that a closer crop on just a few blooms would likely make a much stronger image. I'm also not sure that monochrome is the way to go here; I think this might be better in colour.