Corry's Joke of the Day Thread

[Corry]

...at least I'll TRY and come up with a joke everyday! Feel free to add your own jokes. :mrgreen:

Joke for Today

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their
decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the
way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married.

Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"

Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for
Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.

 

[mentos_007]

::scratch:

 

[Digital Matt]

Hehehe...

Mentos, here in the US, (I don't know about other countries), you can go to a store and fill out a gift registry, which is gifts you would like to get, and then when people buy you wedding presents, you tell them to go to this store, and they can see what other people have bought already, and make sure you get something you want, but not what someone else bought.

Ugg, make sense now?

 

[mrsid99]

In my case that jokes too close to home!

 

[Corry]

Hmmm...not finding a lot of really funny ones today, but I'll post this one for now...and keep trying to find a really good one.

Acquiring a taste for peppermint?


> Taste like peppermint
>
>
> A farmer goes to the bank to borrow money for a new bull. The loan is
> made and the banker who lent the money comes by a week later to see how
> the bull is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass
> and won't even look at a cow. The banker suggests that he have a
> veterinarian take a look at the bull. Next week the banker returns to
> see if the vet helped.
>
> The farmer looks very pleased. "The bull has serviced ALL of my cows!
> He even broke through the fence, and serviced all my NEIGHBOR'S cows!
> He's serviced just about everything in sight. He's like a
> machine!"
>
> "WOW," says the banker, "What did the vet do to that bull?"
>
> "Just gave him some pills," replied the farmer.
>
> "What kind of pills?" asked the banker.
>
> "I don't know really know," said the farmer. "But they kind of taste
> like peppermint

 

[Corry]

A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now, back off biker boy or you'll answer to me!"

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago."

 

[mrsid99]

Thanks Corry, I needed that!

 

[Corry]

One more for now (I'll be at my boyfriend's for the next few days, and the internet doesn't always work...I might not be able to get online!...so these'll hold ya over!)

An oldie, but a goodie...

There were two old guys, Abe and Ken, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Ken and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"

Ken thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno, Abe. But let's make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you -- and if you die first, you come back and tell me -- if there is baseball in heaven."

They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Ken is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Ken... Ken...."

Ken responds, "Abe! Is that you?"

"Yes it is Ken," whispers the spirit of Abe.

Ken, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"

"Well," says Abe says, "I got good news and I got bad news."

"Gimme the good news first," says Ken.

Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."

Ken says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"

Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

 

[Alison]

Cute jokes! Here's one someone posted on my pregnancy forum:

A pregnant lady was in an accident and she woke up in the hospital. She noticed she was not pregnant anymore and asked the nurse what happened to her baby.

The nurse said, "You have two healthy babies, a boy and a girl!" The lady said, "Oh, I must name them," but the nurse said, "You were unconscious, so we called your brother, and he named them!"

The lady said, "But he's as dumb as a box of rocks! So what are their names?"

The nurse said, "The girl is called "Denise." The woman replied, "Well that is a pretty name, so what did he name my boy?"

The nurse replied, "Denephew!"

 

[Corry]

Cute jokes! Here's one someone posted on my pregnancy forum:

A pregnant lady was in an accident and she woke up in the hospital. She noticed she was not pregnant anymore and asked the nurse what happened to her baby.

The nurse said, "You have two healthy babies, a boy and a girl!" The lady said, "Oh, I must name them," but the nurse said, "You were unconscious, so we called your brother, and he named them!"

The lady said, "But he's as dumb as a box of rocks! So what are their names?"

The nurse said, "The girl is called "Denise." The woman replied, "Well that is a pretty name, so what did he name my boy?"

The nurse replied, "Denephew!"

I've heard that one...it's hilarious!

 

[Corry]

THE LONELY LITTLE BRAIN CELL

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell,
which by mistake happened to end up in a man's head.

She looked around nervously, but it was all empty
and quiet.

Hello?" she cried, but no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder,
but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone
and scared and yelled at the top of her voice
"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

Then she heard a faint voice from far, far
away......................





"We're down here ...."

 

[Rob]

What did Cinderella say when she left the photo store?

.
.
.
.


Someday my prints will come...

 

[Corry]

What did Cinderella say when she left the photo store?

.
.
.
.


Someday my prints will come...

lmao at both the joke, and your title!

 

[Corry]

Eighty-year-old Bessie bursts into the rec room of the retirement
home with her fist clenched above her head.

"The first person that can guess what's in my hand can have sex
with me tonight," she announces to the room.

An old man looks up from the pool table and says, "Umm, an
elephant."

Bessie thinks about it for a second and says, "Close enough!"
Reply With Quote

 

[kilifila66]

Here comes the most nonsensical joke ever (by the way is it odd to anyone else the sensical is not a word and nonsensical is?):

Two monkeys are sitting in the bathtub
One monkey looks at the other monkey and says "Pass me the soap"
The other monkey says" What do I look like, a radio?"


This comes from the old Ice Cream Doesn't have Wheels franchise and is equally intertaining to tell intoxicated friends.