Corry's Joke of the Day Thread

Corry · Jul 3, 2005

Here...I can't explain it myself really, so here is a link to an encyclopedia definition.

http://www.nationmaster.com/encyclopedia/Amish

ferny · Jul 5, 2005

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

What did the farmer say to the cow on his roof?

Moooove.

What did the farmer say to the cow wearing sunglasses who was on his roof?

Nothing, he didn't recognise him.

What's green and smells of pork?

Kermit's finger.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I eat mop.
I eat mop who?

Think about that last one.....

Corry · Jul 5, 2005

ferny said:
Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

What did the farmer say to the cow on his roof?

Moooove.

What did the farmer say to the cow wearing sunglasses who was on his roof?

Nothing, he didn't recognise him.

What's green and smells of pork?

Kermit's finger.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I eat mop.
I eat mop who?

Think about that last one.....

Those last two were SOOO NAUGHTY! :lmao:

Corry · Jul 5, 2005

Sex in the Dark
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time
they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night,
while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session,
she turned on the lights.
She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated
leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real
one. She went completely ballistic.
"You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to
me all of these years? You better explain yourself!" The husband looks
her straight in the eyes and says
calmly: "I'll
explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."

Meysha · Jul 5, 2005

OOOoooohhhhhhhhhh. Someone's in trouble now!

hehehe these are all so great!

jstuedle · Jul 5, 2005

A BEER BEFORE IT STARTS

A man came home from work, sat down in his
favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his
wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.
When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me
another beer. It's gonna start."

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him
a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another
beer, it's gonna start any second."

"That's it!" She blows her top, "You S.O.B.! You
waltz in here, flop your fat butt down, don't even
say hello to me and then expect me to run around
like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and
clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The husband sighed. "Oh hell, it's started.

jstuedle · Jul 5, 2005

Little Mary

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human
body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should
not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my
parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire
you!"

With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down. Mrs. Parks ignored her
and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its
size when stimulated?"

Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy,
is she going to get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part
that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the
eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued.
"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

One, you have a dirty mind.
Two, you didn't read your homework
And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

Corry · Jul 5, 2005

Poor little Mary!

jstuedle · Jul 5, 2005

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not. God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too. When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good." God was not pleased.
So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good, because
He wanted to encourage them.
Give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the E-mail said?

Just wondering, I didn't get one either......................

mentos_007 · Jul 6, 2005

the one with Mary is cool

ehh I didn't get this e-mail too

PlasticSpanner · Jul 6, 2005

jstuedle said:
A BEER BEFORE IT STARTS

A man came home from work, sat down in his
favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his
wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.
When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me
another beer. It's gonna start."

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him
a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another
beer, it's gonna start any second."

"That's it!" She blows her top, "You S.O.B.! You
waltz in here, flop your fat butt down, don't even
say hello to me and then expect me to run around
like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and
clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The husband sighed. "Oh hell, it's started.

You should try this for real! One of those few jokes that actually work! :lol:

Corry · Jul 6, 2005

Warning..slightly racy...(but really funny!)

Sign Language

A couple is doing yard work and the wife goes to take a shower. Her husband is looking for a rake and can't find it. He yells up to his wife, but she motions to him from the window like she can't hear. So he points to his eye, hits his knee, and then makes raking motions. ("I need the rake.") She replies by pointing to her eye , grabbing her left breast, slaps her ass, then rubs her crotch. The man is confused and runs upstairs.

"What? What was that?"

"Eye, left tit, behind, the bush."

jstuedle · Jul 7, 2005

Four women were driving across the country. Each one was from a Different
state: Idaho, Nebraska, Florida and New York.

Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Idaho started pulling potatoes from her bag and throwing them out of the window. "What the heck are you doing?" demanded the Nebraskan.

"We have so many of these darn things in Idaho, I am just sick of looking at them!"

A moment later, the gal from Nebraska began pulling ears of corn from her bag and tossing them from the window. "What are you doing that for?" asked the gal from Florida.

"We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I am just sick of looking at them!"

Inspired, the gal from Florida opened the car door and pushed the New Yorker out