I can't speak to the break up...but you say photography is part of YOUR identity but reminds you of her. The best advice might sound harsh but I promise it isn't meant to be is that you need to separate those memories no matter how difficult it might be. It is YOUR identity not hers and don't let her be your identity. I suggest to got out, with your camera, and regain YOUR identity and get lost in it for a while.
I appreciate the insight, and I will do my best to take it to heart. Separating the two, damn thats going to be hard, but it needs to happen. I suppose because she always made me happy, and so does shooting. I could always share my photos with her, always.
Well, burn all of your negatives of her. Cut up all enlargements of her. Burn all of the 4x6 glossy prints of her.Throw out alllll of the color slides of her. Dump all of your developers, stop bath, and fixer, and buy all-new darkroom stuff. Oh wait,wait...this advice is like 30 years out of date...Sorry kid...don't know what to tell you.
I suppose you could fall back on some of the Classics though: repeatedly listening to "breakup songs" on your 8-track car stereo system; drowning your sorrows with buckets of KFC; make some new dude friends, guys with catchy classic dude-names like Johnny, and Jose, and Jack; become a poet or a drummer in a grunge band; become despondent and drift into obscurity; and so on. I mean, really, the world is your oyster! She dumped you or whatever, so hey,you can get all bummed, get fat, get drunk all the time, join a band, and become depressed.
Orrrrrr....you can get out there and find a better, different relationship.
My real advice????? "TIME heals all wounds."
Haha, thanks for the well-needed laugh on that Derrel, it's the first time I've laughed in a few days now. Every day is having its tough moments, but I am doing much better than I was even a day ago, and time is helping. At some point, I might get back out there, but I think I want to focus on bettering myself first. Maybe if I can find some new photography friends...
Time does heal all wounds. Really. I would say the money you saved for a ring could buy some new glass? That always makes me feel pretty good. Surround yourself with humor and friends!
Done on the glass portion, picked up a 17-40 f/4L. Now for the humor and friends part, that seems like the tougher matter. I'd normally say that I'm introspective, shy even, but I think I'll try to toss that out of the window when I get back to college in a few weeks. It just sucks that it's taken me so long to try to get out there and find some other friends.
Exercise works for me, especially hiking up into the mountains (when nearby). Bring your camera if you want but shooting pics isn't really the purpose. getting your neurotransmitters sorted out is the goal and exercise helps with that. Depending on why you broke up you might get back together, but if there is some really hurtful stuff there, forget about it and get your mind around the concept that single is way better than being in a destructive relationship.
Also, assuming you're relatively young (under 30) I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that there are many fish in the sea and your best dating options open up between 26-40.
If you have guns, park them with someone you trust for a couple months. A bad five minute stretch can last a lifetime.
Thank you, I can totally relate. I'm actually stuck up in the mountains at the moment, so I'm sure some hiking will take place, camera or sans camera. It's tough, because I always saw myself doing these things with her, but I'm not willing to give up that part of myself out of fear of some painful memories/past dreams. When I get back to my college town, I'm sure I'll be spending plenty of time in the gym. I am 21, and my young mind has a tough time seeing the whole picture when it comes to "fish in the sea," but I know it's the truth.
G.A.S? New camera.. new start?
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Yeh.. time... heals. Just give it time.
Noted. Right now, I'm doing my best to fill my time. Too much time to think really hasn't seemed healthy over the past few days.
When I'm sad I like to eat donuts.
Donuts do sound really good, maybe the smallest bit counter-productive, hell I don't care too much right now. Donuts it is!
A breakup of any kind of relationship is intensely traumatic and you must allow yourself to grieve.
What you are feeling is the loss, not only of the person, but all the future you have dreamed about - and that's not easy.
Trying to suppress the feelings of grief is like trying to hold an inner tube under water; eventually when you get tiring of exerting the effort it will pop up.
Do what work you can, but don't analyze and try to push yourself to heal, just go with the flow, make very few decisions, just feel bad for a bit.
Find an environment where you can function and get comfort, if you need it.
Don't get intense about finding someone new. That kind of behavior is an absolute recipe for disaster.
Get exercise, go to new restaurants, get some new activities.
Find ways to enjoy what you can without making permanent changes or decisions about your life.
Most of all, do one day at a time.
As far as your comment on dreams, got damn you hit it on the head. I had planned my entire life around her, around us. The empty void that now fills that space seems more frightening than anything at the moment.
Just feel bad for a bit. Thats something I will try to keep in mind, something that needs to happen. I'm hoping being back at school, around thousands of people will help me function a bit more. I normally hate crowds, but being able to just disappear into my studies sounds fantastic.
Thanks for the note about finding someone new. I've had names of people I've met along the way pop into my head. That said, it feels much too soon for anything I could possibly feel to be real, more than a reflex to feeling so alone. If, or possibly more like when, I get into a new relationship, I can't bring into it all this emotional baggage. It also feels a bit insulting to what was, if I already start thinking about what could be with other folks. Whether thats right or not to feel that way, I can't help it at the moment.
Thanks for all the insight Lew, and everyone else as well. You all are a great group of folks, and I can't tell you enough how much it's helping me to read your responses. It's illogical, I know, but feeling as alone as I do really sucks.
The plan:
1. Ask for support if I need it.
2. Keep shooting, it's my identity, my passion.
3. Exercise, get out, fill my time.
4. Get new friends, good ones, and lots of them.
5. Don't make life-altering decisions when I'm so "unstable"
6. At some point, get out there.
7. I need to improve myself, for me, and no-one else. It will help in future relationships, whether with her, or anyone else.
Thank you again, everyone.
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