Dealing with a breakup. Having trouble shooting.

[Patrice]

Girl trouble, then boy trouble and now break up counselling, ..... has Dear Abby moved here?:violin:

Not to be callous or anything but this is a photo forum mostly frequented by a young crowd. If you are having trouble with this and are experiencing long or deep depression you really should go see a doctor, they can help or can refer you to someone who can.

BTW: a bacon sandwich always helps.

 

[manaheim]

TPF is turning into dear abby.

 

[shefjr]

You are young. 21 is a great age and you have many experiences yet to have. I don't have any solid advice for coping better than what was said about time. Learn to be you again and be happy with you. I find that pieces in our lives always manage to fall into place as long as we keep a positive attitude. So keep your chin up.

 

[raventepes]

**** her best mate

This may be a bit on the extreme side, but he does bring up a good idea. Make her jealous.

 

[cynicaster]

Unrequited love is about the worst feeling imaginable, aside from maybe the death of a loved one.

I shudder when I think about the last time I had to go through it, because everything just sucks.

Do whatever helps you get by, but do yourself a favor and resist the urge to grovel.

 

[SnowflakeMama]

I'm a noob around here, so ignore me if you want. I just have a few random thoughts that may or may not help...
What feels like a "void" that she and your dreams/plans together used to fill will soon become opportunity. Don't get me wrong, I am madly in love with my family, but given a few weeks to be "single" again and I think I might just rule the world.

Don't get too caught up in the "it's too soon to meet people" thing. Just go meet people. For no other reason than to have fun, to have someone to study with, walk with, b.s. with, etc. People will come and go in your life when they're meant to. Enjoy them, hate them, whatever, just don't shut everyone out because you're not ready for the next big relationship. It doesn't matter what you do, it will happen when it happens anyway.

Embrace feeling lonely and then let it go, don't allow yourself to wallow in it endlessly. Even surrounded by loved ones and living the life I've always wanted I still feel lonely sometimes. We all do. So now you're not alone in that.

Don't try to ignore or suppress feelings, moods, or memories. They'll just keep coming back. Acknowledge them and move on - and you will have to repeat this many times before it works, but it will work. If you think of her every time you pick up your camera, just say to yourself, "Okay, I've thought of her now, I can move on". And then do that.

And like others have already said... give it time. Fresh wounds are hard to ignore and easy to bump into. Given time you'll find that remembering her doesn't hurt anymore, it just rankles a bit. And one day you'll realize that it's been months since you've even thought of her. But for now, since obviously there hasn't been enough time yet, I totally agree with the donuts.

Take care!

 

[The_Traveler]

Now that you are in off the ledge, at least for a while, you might benefit from a little perspective.
However much breaking up with a girl is painful, this is, tbh, small potatoes compared with the immeasurable agony of having to live through the illness or misfortune of your own child or the death of a spouse.
Learning to deal with this separation and grief will enable you to handle the inevitable traumas of life.
It does not make them less painful but at least a little more manageable.

 

[sm4him]

Better this heartbreak, after working your heart out for that engagement ring, than to spend a decade or more pouring your heart and soul into her happiness, only to have her rip your heart out and grill it for sandwiches when she leaves. And, by that time, children could have been involved as well.
Hypothetically speaking of course. Not that it ever happened to me. And if it DID happen, not that I'm bitter about it. :lmao:
(Okay, that really is a joke. Yes, it DID happen to me. No, I'm not bitter--I am WAY more in love with life than I ever was when I was married.)

**** her best mate

This may be a bit on the extreme side, but he does bring up a good idea. Make her jealous.

NOOO, don't try to make her jealous!! Because then SHE still "wins," if your emotions and actions are all still centered around HER and what her responses will be. "Wonder what she'll think if she sees me with this girl" kind of thinking is still putting HER at the center of your world. The best thing you can do is to not waste another minute of your life caring that much about someone who obviously didn't value YOU.

You're 21? You're about the same age as my youngest son, and what I would tell HIM is--take some time to enjoy yourself and your singleness. You have the rest of your life to find "the one." Or "one of the ones" however you feel about the whole "soulmate" thing. But one thing is sure--a girl that dumps you at the point that things are that serious between you--she is NOT the one and you are far better off without her.

Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though. Find some friends you can count on to share the hurt with, so you can voice it and move on. Maybe multiple times.
Also--talk to your Momma. She'll tell you--that girl didn't deserve you.

 

[nola.ron]

Time does heal all wounds. Really. I would say the money you saved for a ring could buy some new glass? That always makes me feel pretty good. Surround yourself with humor and friends!

Fabulous idea. I had a similar situation - and used part of the money to buy my boxer. Fast forward 3 years later and I have a new GF and still have my best 4 legged friend. She got me through the hardest time of my life.

 

[IByte]

Well, to put it simply, my relationship with the girl I planned to marry (literally days from proposing to her after working my ass off all summer to pay for a ring) crashed to the ground on Friday. I'm learning to deal with it, but having serious trouble shooting. I just can't seem to shoot when I'm sad. It reminds me of her, but it's also what makes me who I am. I know if I'm going to come out of this whole, I need to keep on, I just don't know how.

Wondering if any of you have suggestions on ways to cope, ways to continue my photography without it reminding me of her?

Thanks folks,
Austin

Oddly enough, I've found that when I'm sad, all of my images come out green. For those interested, my most recent posts to Flickr shows the damage.

Pffft your single and waaay too many fish in the sea. Sorry for your lost but right enjoy life as you can

 

[o hey tyler]

Just remember:

No matter what happens, we'll still have Getting Jiggy With It.mp3

 

[astroNikon]

I went through a disaster too, similar to sm4him except it also greatly affected my kids.

Continue photographing things, but compare your earlier work to what you are doing now. This will help you force yourself to get better, at least in photography to your previous level.

Everyone reacts differently to situations like that, just try to take one step at a time. And as you first asked improve your photography back to the level it was before this happened. Compare your early work to your existing work, that will help you focus and "reunderstand" how you were doing things.

It's one step at a time, over time that you will get through it just fine.

 

[Achaicus]

I went hiking lots after my breakup. Took a camera, but the photography wasn't the goal, getting out and away from things was the point. If you happen to see something take a shot, but don't feel you have to.*

 

[runnah]

You are young. 21 is a great age and you have many experiences yet to have.

21 and thinking about getting married?! That is mistake #1. I hardly recognize the person I was at 21. Wait until closer to 30 and you should have a better idea of who you are and who you want to be with.

As for the trouble with shooting, don't worry it happens to most guys.

 

[OrionsByte]

Here's an "out there" suggestion - find sad things, and figure out a way to photograph them to make them look happier, or hopeful. Use your emotions for your art.

Getting your heart stomped on and watching the future you thought you had all figured out get erased in one fell swoop is not fun, but I guarantee that at 21, this is not the last time it will happen. It may not always be a relationship that does it to you, but you can count on it.

Also, saying that it will happen again also implies that it's likely happened before. I often find it helpful to look back at my life at those times when I was at my lowest, when I thought I'd never be able to get up off the floor, and then look and see all the things that came afterwards. When I can line things up and say, "Wow, yeah, that sucked, but if it hadn't have happened, I never would have had this experience, and that was exceptionally good!" it makes difficult times easier to handle even while I'm in the midst of them.