Girl Trouble

DGMPhotography · Aug 25, 2013

First, today is my birthday... yayyyy.

Now, you guys have been really helpful to me in terms of photography and I really appreciate everything you do. This is a great community.

I'm struggling with this girl. She's really cool, gorgeous, and we had been flirting like a month over text....

I know, I know -_-

Anyway, we had our first date the other night and the restaurant wouldn't take my card so she ended up paying....... needless to say I felt pretty bad, and when you're feeling bad you're not much in the mood to be awesome. So we talked a little before heading to the movie which we were late to... and she drove.

I know.

And it took me about an hour and a half to finally put my arm around her. She accepted.

Then we went back to her apartment and some other people were there so we all just hung out. Then, eventually, with a hug, I left. The next day she wouldn't answer my text. And then she cancelled on getting milkshakes at midnight for my birthday. And now she has told me she wants to get to know me as a person before anything else, so we hang out in groups and stuff.

I guess there's still a chance, and I really want there to be. What do you think?

jwbryson1 · Aug 25, 2013

Leave her alone and if she's interested, she'll come back. Otherwise, zillions of fishies in the sea...

runnah · Aug 25, 2013

Text her photos of your penis so she knows what she is missing.

manaheim · Aug 25, 2013

Play it cool and casual. She'll come back as long as you don't appear to want it too much.

That said, my experience is that the ones that only come around when you act like you don't need them aren't the keepers.

runnah · Aug 25, 2013

manaheim said:
Play it cool and casual. She'll come back as long as you don't appear to want it too much.

Too late, he has been friendzoned. At this point you only have Hail Mary plays left.

manaheim · Aug 25, 2013

I once had a girl who I chased for years. Was totally given the "friendzone" thing, so I played it off like it was no biggie and barely gave her the time of day. In a little while it sparked her interest, and she agreed to a date. She broke up with me before we even went out. No biggie. I blew it off. A month later, she agreed to a date and we dated for two weeks and then she broke it off again. No biggie, says I, and played it cool. A few months later we connected again and dated for a year.

In the end this girl was not really the girl for me, but I wanted to make it work and I did... primarily just on appearing confident. Mind you... all that time I was going out of my mind wanting to be with this girl.

It's all how you play it.

Robin_Usagani · Aug 25, 2013

I have no advice. I have been out of the game way too long.

DarkShadow · Aug 25, 2013

Thats the first mistake right there not having the funds to pay for the date.Always Have cash on hand, anything can go wrong with Credit Cards.I went through quite a few women before meeting my sole mate married to her now for 15 years. The more I played her off the more she chased me.If it's meant to be it will happen and if not move on to the next.

Derrel · Aug 25, 2013

I think you just got a trial membership in the Friendzone club. The way you described how the date went make me think she's really interested more in a guy who can pick up tabs more so than in you per se. I could be wrong, we don;t have too many details, but it sounds like she's backpedaling furiously at this point. So...

Designer · Aug 25, 2013

Gee, Daryl, I don't know you, and I'm certainly not an expert, but I think you need to get your money situation well sorted out, and then send her flowers. Not some cheap bouquet, either. The following week, send her some really nice candy. The week after that, send two tickets to a play or something like that and your phone number. That is all. If she invites you to go with her, then you're golden. If not, then forget it.

Trever1t · Aug 25, 2013

Did you pay her back for the dinner? That'd be my first move. Apologize (even if not your fault) for putting her in that situation and give her what she spent. Then a day to think about what a good man you are...and then ask her to meet for a coffee or juice whatever.

pgriz · Aug 25, 2013

Can't help you on the personal experience front, as I've got really lucky about 30+ years ago, and hope to keep her interested for another 30 years or so. However, playing sounding-board for my three daughters, it seems that many guys (and I am not saying it relates to you at all), are too interested in themselves (and their toys), and not enough in the relationship. Many guys are not "context-aware", in that they do not adapt their behaviour/clothes to the situation at hand. My daughters don't want to be either pushed or dragged - so some one who walks with them at their pace, and senses enough to slow down or speed up as the situation presents itself, will convey a much better impression than someone who's into his own ideas of how he wants things to go, and is not willing to adapt. It's about respect, building of trust, knowing and respecting the boundaries, and making the other person WANT to be with them. The reciprocal is also true - if your prospective partner is more concerned about appearances and expresses little interest in you as a person, then there's not much common ground on which you can build something.

In sales, the key is to create desire in your prospect for whatever it is that you are selling, and make the cost of acquisition seem like a bargain. The dating game's not much different.

wyogirl · Aug 25, 2013

I'm pretty sure everyone who replied to you is male (I may be mistaken)... so take it from a female:
You are out dude and she is trying to not be bi...uh witchy about it. That isn't to say that you cant recover from the disaster of your first date though.

First dates are a real make or break. I almost didn't give my husband a second date because he wore really ugly shoes on the first date...
I know that's low and shallow sounding but its the truth. My friend had to talk me into another date, which went way better (obviously).

So, if you can, get a friend to talk you up, maybe a second date will be better. But don't hang out in the friend zone.... if you do, you won't get out of it. If you can't get a second date, just walk away and act cool. It may make her crazy enough to ask you out. And if it doesn't, go find another fish.