It's easy to see where harz is coming from - there's a lot that is correct in the original question, and there is an understanding of the fundamental properties of light and of optics. If you scaled everything to the size of an eye, and put the ND grad right in front of the eye in the same way that a filter is put right in front of a camera lens, the ND grad would have very little gradient effect for exactly the reasons that harz states. The big difference between a camera lens and an eye is that the eye's pupil (which is the eye's entrance pupil - that's where the name came from) is right next to the eye's front element. For most, but not all, camera lenses the entrance pupil is usually a little way back from the front element, and the entrance pupil is where the lens sees the world from.
Using a simple, single-element lens to illustrate why an ND grad has an effect is a little misleading, because the entrance pupil of a single element lens is usually the lens itself, or very close to the lens. There is, therefore, very little distance between the entrance pupil of a single element lens and an ND grad right in front of the lens, and it is the distance between the entrance pupil and the ND grad that allows the ND grad to have an effect. Understanding what the entrance pupil is and what it does is the key to a few of the properties of lenses, such as aperture, evenness of illumination of the image, perspective, rotation point for stitched panoramas, lens hood design and, as here, the use of ND grads.