How do you deal with heartbreak...?

Nytmair

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Get ready for me to sound like a little girl.. but oh well, I just need a lot of opinions on this... hence posting this on a public forum where I could get made fun of, but hopefully I can get at least some honest advice.

So I'm a 20 year old college student, and last night and today is the first time i've cried since i was a little kid.. my girlfriend broke up with me becuase she said things didn't feel the same anymore.. like we were more like friends. I don't get it though, last weekend (the 9th) was our 3 month anniversary. It was amazing. We took about an hour drive out to the country and took a "fall foliage" train ride where we rode on a historic train through the country. We were so happy then... but i guess it fell apart since then, and I don't know where. Then yesterday the punch in the face came. To sum it up...
"You know I will always love you, but it's not the same.."
"So is this it?"
"...I guess.."
and then i just felt horrible. I drove over to a local park where we used to go together and had so many good times... I just sat there for a long time.. and I cried. I didn't know what to do, all of this **** going through my head.. I can't stop thinking about her, no matter what I do. Everything reminds me of her. I just don't know what to do.. it hurts so bad.

I never wanted to think about what heartbreak was like, since I've never experienced it in my life.. and it's the worst thing I could have ever imagined...

How do you guys and gals go about getting over this kind of thing..? I've never had to and I just feel so lost right now.

Thanks for anything...
-Dan


Sorry for such a bleeding heart emotional post... I figured it might spice up the general discussion forum :)...
 

Dweller

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It will take some time Dan. I am sorry to hear things did not work out but you will come to terms with it when you are ready to.
 

bace

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I don't mean to be harsh. I'm kind-off incensitive like that, but there's three thing to think about here...

1) You're 20, and I'm assuming she's around the same age. You're in college. FIND SOMEONE ELSE!! That's 'probably' what's happened to her, as much as it might suck to hear.

2) You were dating for three months? I know it's very easy to fall for someone, but 3 months is the honeymoon period man. Everything is great the first three months, and then you start realizing what's wrong with your partner. 3 months is really nothing to be stressing about. Think about your relationship ending and then think about marriages ending after years. Just a gain a little perspective.

3) Man, Love hurts, deal with it. It's better that shiz like this happens to you now. That way you're prepared for the big falls that come later in life. And trust me, they will come.

I'll be honest man, I kinda chuckled when I read your post. Not laughing at you, but because I've been where you are. I've also been hurt way worse. Trust me, this feeling you have. It'll go away with time. Longest relationship I had was 2 years. If I were to review my current situation with women, I'd probably say that I'm still not over it (I'm now a manwhore devoid of any feelings and emotions).
 

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Dan, first of all big :hugs: :flower:

Most ppl older then 18 know what heartache/heartbreak feels like when it comes to matters of the heart. Also, it doesnt matter how long or how short the relationship ran, sometimes you can spend 10 years with someone and not have the intensity of feelings as a short relationship of only a few months. Sometimes it doesnt take long to fall deeply in love with someone.

The first real heartbreak I had was at age 21 when my 6 mth relationship crashed and burned. I was hopelessly in love with the guy and didnt wanna believe he had been cheating on me/ found someone else. I moved back in with my mum and spent my days feeling like my heart had been wrenched out and stomped on. My nights were spent sitting in the dark and listening to songs of love lost ( oh gawd * laughs at the way I sucummbed to that break-up cliche* ) and crying myself to sleep. I remember telling my mum that I didnt want anyone else in the world, that he was my 'one'...of that I was 'convinced'....and she assured me he wasnt my 'one' and I'd be happy again.

I didnt believe her.

Mothers are right however. A year later I met the man I would fall deeply in love with and be engaged to for 6 years. He was a BIG love of my life and always will be, even though I eventually had to walk away from that relationship for a multitude of reasons.

Now I'm with Josh, I moved from Aus to Canada to be with him, we got engaged last August and I'm a happy little peanut.:heart:

What I'm trying to illustrate, by telling you whats happened with me, is that you will fall in love again, with someone who will make you happy. You'll most likely have a number of 'big loves' in your life. Thats the way this life is. Every person you meet and love will walk with you for awhile, then they might take another path, but each one will teach you something and fill your life with amazing memories.

Trust me, your heart is going to mend and that you'll be just fine, Dan. Be patient with the pain you're feeling now, take care of yourself and do things that make you feel good ie. spend a day at the beach or any other favourite place and breathe in the fresh air and take photographs, walk the dog ( if you have one ) and marvel in how simple their lives are, their only concern being marking their territories ;), go to a movie, spend time with good friends and other ppl who love you etc.

Biggest lesson to learn is be happy in yourself and your life, whether it be single or attached. It's a cliche but....everything happens for a reason. It's a lesson I learned and I've found that I am very content and happy in the times I have been single.
 

Hertz van Rental

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It only gets easier with time because you find better ways of coping - and the build-up of scar tissue helps ;)

My eldest has just had an almost identical experience - and suffered his first broken heart. He's trying to take my advice and keep busy. The worst thing you can do is sit around thinking about it. Throw yourself into work or your studies. Go see your friends and go out with them. Anything to take your mind off it for a while. Inside a year you'll wonder what you were fussing about - trust me.
 

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You will probably fall in love several times in your life before finding the right person for you. Sometimes people are in our lives for a lifetime or some just long enough to teach us a life lesson and every person that you love will stay with you in some capacity forever. Instead on dwelling on the love that you feel that you've lost, think about what having that 3 month relationship with her brought to your life and has taught you. It's hard to see this right now when your feelings are so raw but you've learned something from loving this girl that can make you a better person as well as a better boyfriend in the future. That lesson might be how to chose more wisely (in the event that Bace is right and she has found someone else), it might be for you to learn how to really appreciate when you have found the right person (and be able to show them) and it might be a lesson on how to give someone your heart to someone without giving up who YOU are. Whatever it is, you will eventually find that time really does heal. Some quiet refection time is great.... just try not to get so involved in your own sadness that you let it consume you. Fill your life with friends and things that you enjoy. You'll be ok. :hugs:
 

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Well...ive never been in a "Real" relationship thing for longer than 3 weeks...its my curse...the 3 week curse.

Heres what I do...I dont listen to crappy music, I dont think "oh I miss her" (well I generally do then tell myself to shut up)
I listen to good music, and think "Meh, she had this annoying habit, that one, its her loss, and I was too good for her" and youll probably find its true.

I got to agree with Bace tbh, however harsh it is...just think "Screw it...im a man...we have no emotion...no wheres that photography magazine."

From now on when girls dump me I try to go "Ah...ok...cool...cya around then" and it stings them more than you get stung.

Your better than her, she probably had those annoying habits...and the girl down the rode's nicer anywho.

Sorry Dan, but youll be ok buddy...And dont worry about posting...need to vent some way huh? Good luck buddy :)
 

bace

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You're only 20 man. If she doesn't want you, she wasn't worth it anyway.

Also, someone once told me never to "Fall" in love. Falling means you're gonna have pick yourself up eventually. Stand in love. Sounds retarded, but think about it, it makes sense.

You're too young for love anyway.
 

Artemis

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bace said:
You're only 20 man. If she doesn't want you, she wasn't worth it anyway.

Also, someone once told me never to "Fall" in love. Falling means you're gonna have pick yourself up eventually. Stand in love. Sounds retarded, but think about it, it makes sense.

You're too young for love anyway.

Wise words Bace...wise words indeed :)
 

bace

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photogoddess said:
No he's not dude! Every love counts - even when you're young. You're just jaded. :greenpbl:

Psssht!

Yeah....so.

*cries*
 

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I'm sorry to hear about the break up man. =\ I was with my ex for six months, and we broke up on the night of our six month anniversary. It hit me hard, and now, three and a half months later, I'm still lovesick and broken up about it, so I may not be the right guy to give advice. However, I have learned one thing. While we're sitting around wondering how we're going to deal with the pain, we ARE dealing with the pain. Life is what happens while we're waiting for life to happen. The only smart thing to do is to get up, dust ourselves off, and keep going with the things that are important. Don't let this change the type of guy you are, unless it's for the better. And hey, you don't need to get bitter or anything either. A lot of people will advise that you get mad at the girl, so that you can get over her better. I wouldn't advise that. My ex has moved on, and she's content with me not being in her life. I, however, miss her terribly every single day and still can't really imagine having serious feelings for anyone else. But that's okay! Eventually time will heal it as much as possible, and if she's not the girl for you, then I'm sure some fantastic girl will come along and you'll be swept off of your feet more than you thought possible.

Good luck man, you'll be in my prayers.
 

bace

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Yeah, don't get mad at the girl.

I'm actually still friends with a lot of heartbreaks in my life. The one long term that I had was a messy breakup and I haven't talked to her or seen her in 4 years. Not knowing how she's doing is very upsetting sometimes. Moreso than her not being with me the way that I wanted.

What's more interesting is that atleast 2 of my ex's have been models of mine.

It kinda sucks having their pics up in my apartment right now, cause damn they were hot...haha.
 

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