I must be PMS'ing...

MLeeK · Oct 12, 2012

I am just plain old frustrated today.
Back in June we took in another child who is now 13. He comes from a situation that is not good at all. At this point he cannot go home, or so says child protective services.
His father died several years ago and he is to receive Social Security Survivor's benefits. I am sure you know where this is going... His mom is receiving it, he is not.
When he came to us he had NOTHING. A few articles of clothing including 2 pair of jeans that were more hole than pants and some really really poor condition t-shirts, one pair underwear (more hole than cloth) and a pair of shoes about 3 sizes too big.
School shopping has come and gone and we've gotten him quite a wardrobe from nothing, although he needs SO MUCH more. We are not wealthy and this isn't my strongest point in $ during the year-to say the least. I've tapped into my savings to get him glasses, clothing... feed him! everything possible. He goes to school in the next town, not where my kids attend school. The school transports him for classes, but I have to do that for sports. So that's 2 trips to the next town every day. There is just so much and it adds up. Not to mention paying a lawyer on his behalf and other things. SO... I am a little taxed at this point. End of October when sports paychecks come out I'll be fine again, but until then I am feeling the pinch. REALLY feeling the pinch.

His situation is one that EVERYONE knows within the two closest communities. We've had offers for donations and a few even have dropped off clothing or a few school supplies for him, but most mean well and never materialize. Not really a big deal.

SO, getting to my point here... I have asked a several times if anyone has a winter coat that I can borrow, purchase whatever for him. Each time I ask I get 3 or 4 answers of YEP! But nothing comes of it. Now shame on me, I am not one to hound someone for a donation and maybe I should be bugging those YEP's. BUT... I have been asking repeatedly since the beginning of September and... nothing. So, it's now 44 degrees this afternoon and we have a football game to go to tonight. I either go out and buy him a coat which I don't really have the funds for, considering I paid the lawyer this week, or he stays home.

Everyone wants to help the kid, but no one bothers to do a damn thing. I don't mind buying him a coat, but I also don't have a hundred bucks free right now. I've spread myself too thin between my own kids and him. I've even used my credit card that is only for emergency gear (that wedding ER fund.) I am now going to dip into my tax account (I get my "bonus" from this every year cuz I put away more than I need.) Really? Was this too much to ask from a community who has repeatedly called CPS to get him out of the bad situation? I haven't gotten anything from CPS for him as we took him instead of allowing him to go to Foster Care. I get nothing from his social security for him, his mother uses it on booze and everyone knows that. They all cared enough to get him out of there, but couldn't someone care enough to help him out until I can actually buy him a coat?

Or am I really just looking for a hand out? Sometimes I wonder here.

Thanks, guys. I just needed a vent!

pixmedic · Oct 12, 2012

not sure how winterized you need for a coat but....
we have a mint condition double lined leather jacket that's been in the closet for a while.
too small for me, too big for the wife. cant find a size on it, but the sleeves are too short and the chest too small for me. and im not that big. we would gladly send it to you if you think it would be enough. we would cover the cost of shipping as well. we would also like to send you a check for $50 to help with the added expenses. not much admittedly, but times are a bit rough around here as well.
let me know if you would like us to send the jacket.
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Tony S · Oct 12, 2012

Contact child protective services, they should steer you in the right direction as there are systems in place to help foster families bear the expenses associated with the kids they are helping out. Sometimes you gotta push the agencies to get them to act.

Ohhh, and what sizes are you looking for?

sm4him · Oct 12, 2012

I wish I lived near you--I'd bring you a coat he could have! I bet I've got something that would work, leftover from my kids or my dad.

Are there any decent thrift stores around there? Maybe since nobody else has come through, you could at least find something temporary without spending too much? OR--make some calls to see if you can at least BORROW a coat, TODAY, from someone. Raising kids as a single mom, I learned quickly that EVERYone *says* they want to help, "just let us know if you need anything at all," but few are actually willing to put forth effort when the needs arise. I was blessed to have an awesome church family--all I had to do was say, "I desperately need a coat" and my pastor or youth pastor would MAKE it happen.

I just had a very similar experience on Wednesday, however (in terms of those who mean well and don't deliver, I mean--not the actual situation). This was a friend who has been really struggling, but refuses to let anyone help. She and her husband both have health issues, she was laid off last year and is making a "little" money doing Medicare insurance (which mostly only comes in October-December), he's a janitor--and now they have a daughter and son-in-law and newborn baby living with them, because the son-in-law is out of work. She finally got so desperate she asked me for help--diapers, formula, a prescription she couldn't afford to pick up... I sent out a "time to put your good intentions into actions" sort of email--and so far, ONE person has given $10 towards the stuff I went out and bought for this family.

It's kinda discouraging--but I believe that in the end, the greatest blessings are for those who put feet to the "good thoughts." (worded very carefully so as to not violate any of the forum "don't talk about religion" rules.

).
You are doing an awesome thing, and I hope someone comes through to help!!

EDIT: After reading pixmedic's post, I realize I neglected to say that I, too, would be happy to send along a coat, or maybe some clothes or shoes if I have anything that would fit him--I assumed that the coat needed to be dealt with TODAY, though, so I didn't mention that.

Tell us what size clothes, shoes, etc. Maybe we could have a TPF clothing drive!!

SCraig · Oct 12, 2012

PM me your address. I'll buy him a coat and I guaran-damn-tee this one won't fail to materialize.

sm4him · Oct 12, 2012

Seriously, let's start a TPF Clothing Drive thread! MLeek, give us sizes and such. And is there anything the kid would just LIKE to have? I've got stuff left at my house from my own boys and they would be more than happy to send it to someone who could use it!

MLeeK · Oct 12, 2012

You guys are wonderful and thank you! You made me cry! I really just needed to vent! I'll pick him up a coat on the way to the game tonight so he can go-and I really will be fine. The income is there to do it... next week or two weeks from now. I am just really really frustrated. His social security will also come to us for him-eventually. You know how quickly the US Government deals with anything!

Yes, there is help through CPS IF he is in foster care. He isn't. We took him instead of allowing that to happen. He is my daughter-in-law's youngest brother, so we are family caregivers of a sort. We might could get help through CPS and social services for him EXCEPT he has an income of over $900 per month on paper-which puts him over the top for any help that way. It doesn't matter that its still going to his mother, it's in his name, his ssn.

As for your offers to help-you can't even begin to know what a wonderful offer that is to me/us/him! We really are OK and it will all work out just fine for him... He's beyond the point of emergent needs. Whatever you have-find someone like Tommie in your town and pay it forward there. There are so many like him that are falling through the cracks and just need a hand! There are a lot of other families like ours who end up taking a kid in like him. It's staggering how much the initial outlay for needs really is. Find one of them and help them!

pixmedic · Oct 12, 2012

How could we NOT come to the aid of someone that has put in so much time snd effort helping the photography community here.

MLeeK · Oct 12, 2012

pixmedic said:
How could we NOT come to the aid of someone that has put in so much time snd effort helping the photography community here.

Thank you!!!

sm4him · Oct 12, 2012

I don't know about anyone else, but I already HAVE similar situations I help out with locally; I'd like to help YOU and Tommie. You, because of what you've given to this forum and to me personally--and Tommie, because I just think it would be absolutely awesome for him to see stuff coming from complete strangers who will never meet him, but who just want him to know we care.

Derrel · Oct 12, 2012

Please let me help out a bit. PM me with an address and I'll send you a check.

bunny99123 · Oct 12, 2012

Thank you for providing a good home for a child, because many do not have one. Also, Social Services are not the best experience for a child. There are so many wonderful foster parents, but in my state the DHS does not seem to care about children. They will take them out of a good foster home, and place them for no reason in a group home or some other home.

I wish I did have extra finances to help you. I am praying for your family and him.

There are places that can help you. One, we have Freecycling.com here, and you just post want you need or giving away. Two, I have posted on Craig's List in the children section to help a family member that needed clothes and things for her new baby. Some churches will help, and many have clothes closets. If he receives state medical insurance, in our state our school systems provide a backpack program that sends food home to children each Friday. The state also has programs in the schools to help buy school supplies for students. I was a teacher, and I keep extra supplies for students who could not afford them. I myself shop at co-signment stores and Goodwill for clothing. I find a lot of nice clothes for cheap price.

Social Security for a child is design to follow the child. I had a child who lived with me for a couple of years to allow her mother to collect herself, and she was on it. I had to take the paper work showing she lived with me and sign a paper work that she was living in my home, and it took about 2 months to start receiving her check. Then went in and sign papers that her mother had her when she went home.

Hope some of this helps

MLeeK · Oct 12, 2012

Derrel said:
Please let me help out a bit. PM me with an address and I'll send you a check.

NO! Thank you!!! Really!!! THANK YOU ALL! But we're really OK! I REALLY just wanted to vent! LOL!

Derrel-your comic relief around here is the best help you could ever give me!