Ernicus, I am impressed. The willingness to discuss one's shortcomings (whatever the reason and cause) in a public forum, and to extract from the experience the learning lessons is a mark of a great deal of maturity and humility. And to share this so that others can learn, is very generous (and brave!) on your part.
I have taken part in many weddings, and shot quite a few as the "family photographer". All of the weddings had professional photographers (and seconds) doing their thing, and it has always been interesting to talk to them. The most professional were well-equipped (two cameras each shooter, flashes with external battery packs, cameras with good high-ISO performance, lenses with f/2.8 or better maximum apertures, etc.), and their shooting approaches were well-structured and they had their key spots picked. The less professional often had only one camera each, and were usually running after the action. Many of the venues were difficult and those in churches were almost always without flash. Crowd control was a big difference between the "good" pros and the "semi-pros" - the good ones had all the key shots choreographed and directed the parties through the set pieces rather efficiently. The "semi-pros" were scouting out the shooting locations for the group shots and the individual shots during the wedding event - with hit-and-miss results.
When talking to these photographers, their attitude also distinguished the seasoned pros from the semis. The good ones were pretty relaxed and were quite willing to discuss what they were doing and how. Their flow was relaxed up to the key moments, when they were all business, and in between the key moments, they would kinda step back and observe. The "semi-pros" were rather standoffish and often brushed me off with "sorry, I'm busy". I was OK with that, but what I observed is that they were just hanging around looking for opportunities to do the snaps. It was also clear that the good ones did a lot of preparation beforehand, and had obviously scouted out the shooting locations and had discussed with the bridal party the sequence of shots.
Of the equipment discussion that preceded my post, some used brackets, most did not. The pros used bounce flash a lot, some with diffusers, most not. The semi-pros never had flash brackets, and often shot direct flash.
Ultimately, the difference seems to be that the real pros were prepared, both with the right equipment for the job (which they knew how to use), and with the preparation and sequencing of shots.
May your next wedding shooting experience be with a good professional who can give you clear instructions and even more importantly, show by example how to do these events.
How about flashes.. they must be a crutch also!
