News Flash from 2029

[Sharkbait]

Got this from my father-in-law. :LOL:
Some are funny, some are dumb, some are frighteningly accurate.
Apologies if it offends anyone; I didn't write it.

News flash: The year 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh
largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and
livestock.

Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory
of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and
Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more
years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and
reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to
weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches, but
the latest Dream Team was still beaten by Puerto Rico.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly
swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.

 

[Osmer_Toby]

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

if only....

 

[MDowdey]

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

MD

 

[mentos_007]

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

I'' kill yah!!! grrrr

 

[graigdavis]

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

 

[MDowdey]

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

I'' kill yah!!! grrrr

i might take you up on that. sounds like a date to me!!!

md

 

[Corry]

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

You know you think this is funny but it's really not funny cuz its just so degrading to women and stuff and why do men think they are so superior they are such sexist pigs always saying stuff like 'that's womens work' or women talk to much or some other crap and it's just not right what happened to eguality and the women's rights movement and susan b anthony I MEAN REALLY PEOPLE!!!


Betcha didn't catch my mouth shut there! Ha ha!

 

[MDowdey]

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

You know you think this is funny but it's really not funny cuz its just so degrading to women and stuff and why do men think they are so superior they are such sexist pigs always saying stuff like 'that's womens work' or women talk to much or some other crap and it's just not right what happened to eguality and the women's rights movement and susan b anthony I MEAN REALLY PEOPLE!!!


Betcha didn't catch my mouth shut there! Ha ha!

did you guys hear something?

md

 

[Osmer_Toby]

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

You know you think this is funny but it's really not funny cuz its just so degrading to women and stuff and why do men think they are so superior they are such sexist pigs always saying stuff like 'that's womens work' or women talk to much or some other crap and it's just not right what happened to eguality and the women's rights movement and susan b anthony I MEAN REALLY PEOPLE!!!


Betcha didn't catch my mouth shut there! Ha ha!

well. all i can say to that is that the world sure had gone downhill since women got the right to vote.

 

[Corry]

Boys...you're askin for it!

 

[photogoddess]

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

You know you think this is funny but it's really not funny cuz its just so degrading to women and stuff and why do men think they are so superior they are such sexist pigs always saying stuff like 'that's womens work' or women talk to much or some other crap and it's just not right what happened to eguality and the women's rights movement and susan b anthony I MEAN REALLY PEOPLE!!!


Betcha didn't catch my mouth shut there! Ha ha!

well. all i can say to that is that the world sure had gone downhill since women got the right to vote.

:lmao:

 

[MDowdey]

Boys...you're askin for it!

yeah after you get done, could you make me a sandwich??? k, thanks.


just kidding, my lady, without yall girls, the world would be WAY less color coordinated.

md

 

[Osmer_Toby]

Boys...you're askin for it!

yeah after you get done, could you make me a sandwich??? k, thanks.


just kidding, my lady, without yall girls, the world would be WAY less color coordinated.

md

ya, and we'd be walking around with wrinkled shirts all the time.

and the toilet bowls would get reeeeaaaalllly dirty.

 

[photogoddess]

Boys...you're askin for it!

yeah after you get done, could you make me a sandwich??? k, thanks.


just kidding, my lady, without yall girls, the world would be WAY less color coordinated.

md

ya, and we'd be walking around with wrinkled shirts all the time.

and the toilet bowls would get reeeeaaaalllly dirty.

Awwwwwww you look sleepy. How about you take a nap while I go clean up that mess? **slinks off looking for my gun**

 

[Osmer_Toby]

Boys...you're askin for it!

yeah after you get done, could you make me a sandwich??? k, thanks.


just kidding, my lady, without yall girls, the world would be WAY less color coordinated.

md

ya, and we'd be walking around with wrinkled shirts all the time.

and the toilet bowls would get reeeeaaaalllly dirty.

Awwwwwww you look sleepy. How about you take a nap while I go clean up that mess? **slinks off looking for my gun**

:lmao: