so.....
My whole "photography life" is online. I'm serious. The only photographers I spoke to live are
@limr , her boyfriend, and a former member of this forum (I'll mention also
@binga63 and
@The_Traveler via Skype)... Every conversation I had about photography was online.
I finally decided to see is there any photo clubs around my area. I figured it's time to enter the real world and hopefully meet some photographers. Maybe I'll meet someone interesting, maybe I'll go to an exhibition or two, maybe I'll learn something etc.
I sent an email to the only photo club I could go to. They haven't replied for a few days and I decided to call a number on their website.
The person I spoke with is a member of the jury on various international competitions, has some photography title idk what was it and all in all we had a very pleasant conversation.
He started to talk about courses they organize and I said that the courses aren't the reason I called, I called because I would like to meet other photographers, be a part of exhibitions etc.... and I said something like "I don't need a course, I'm into photography for a few years now..." and there was the trouble...
Completely unexpected trouble! I couldn't even say I'm a photographer. I felt completely incompetent and felt like my place isn't in any exhibition. Oh God, I don't even have any picture I could print and hang somewhere and show to other photographers!
I know I know stuff about photography and editing it's not about that. I could talk about that... but showing pictures to other photographers who are good in what they do ... In real life! Standing beside them. Oh God no! I can't do it. Saying out loud, in real life "Yes, I'm a photographer". I can't! Is anything I've done worthy of showing? I don't even know how much my picture (any of my picture) is worth (in money)? Am I any, and I mean any good?
I calmed down after initial "almost panic attack" and I'm not panicking now a few hours after the conversation, not at all, but I'm not any better in terms of thinking about this whole mess... seriously thinking of giving up. I don't want to give up but I don't have enough of courage for this. It took me 6 years to make that move and start to ask questions about photography in my area.
6 years to feel that I'm ready to print something and show the print to someone I could see in person! And now I know I'm not ready at all.
I could also say that I'm a communicative/outgoing person and I'll rather talk in person than writing online, but it seems that with photography I'm really not anything like that.
I'm blushing even while writing this. How to gather the courage and not go away from this? What can I tell to myself?
I don't want to give up, I want to be able to say "At least I tried".