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pre-dawn ride 7/4/07


TPF Noob!
Apr 19, 2003
Reaction score
Pasco, WA
Note: This is an attempt to catch up a bit on how I mis-spent my summer vacation. It's a repost from a bike forum I hang at, so for the purposes of this post Bimjo is photobug. Actually I'm Bimjo everywhere but here. No idea why I did that.

Setting the stage from the other board a bit. I posted up a 2:00 am departure for a morning ride to a photo op. Only got one taker & now everybody knows we're crazy instead of just suspecting it. Anyway, here 'tis.


Bimjo & Uncle's Excellent Adventure in pictures...

But first some narrative. Get something to drink, this may take awhile.

There are no pics of the beginning of the epic journey. Why? BECAUSE IT'S DUCKING FARK AT 2:00AM, THAT'S WHY!! Besides, I left the flash at home. So sue me.

To give you some idea just how ducking fark it is at 2:00am here's a pic taken at 4:15am. Just slightly less ducking fark. This is Stonehenge in the flesh.

Okay, it really wasn't quite that dark, more like this.

After fortifying Uncle with 2 cups of coffee the adventure started at 2:15am. Only 15 minutes late, that's pretty good! Sailed down 395 to Hwy 14 and then along the river to Stonehenge. We debated wearing liners in the jackets, but decided against because it was quite warm in Kennewick.

Bad move. It alternated between too warm & waaaaaay too chilly all the way to Roosevelt. Which is were I remembered that the studly Adventure Strom bike had grip heaters. Wonder of wonders, warm hands, warm heart. My neck was still cold, but we couldn't stop because we were on an excellent adventure! Riiiiiiiiiiiight. Too stupid to pull over and put more clothes on. But hey, we were making good time so we pressed on.

As you cross into Klickitat County the road surface changes a bit. It's darker. It's smoother. It has raised yellow reflectors on the centerline. Strom bike thought it would be great fun to use them as a slalom course. I sez "no Strom, it's DUCKING FARK you moron! We could get killed or something worse!" Strom reluctantly agreed. More on this later.

Somewhere before I remembered the grip heater thingee, we were attacked! Right on the road! By a, a... it was a... Killer Moth from Haitch Eeee Double Toothpicks!! Thing was huge! Or maybe it was Batman! Mighta been a very small owl. It swooped up over my head and dropped down in front of Uncle. I figgered I was pretty safe after it flew past me, but I feared for Uncle. Not enough to slow down or stop to see if it got him or nothin' though. I mean hey! it was HUGE & it was DUCKING FARK & I was skeered! No! Really! I figgered if Uncle was a goner wasn't no sense in both of us buying the farm so I never wavered in the proper application of "get outta Dodge" throttle setting. Fortunately his headllight stayed right on my tail so it all turned out ok. Whew, that was close!

Approaching Stonehenge turnoff. Slow down, to make the turn onto the access road and discovered that fairing mounted headlights are USELESS for 25mph hairpin curves. Especially when you're doin' somewhere around 40mph at the time. Duh, headlights worked fine at 65mph all the way down here, now's a fine time to find out the slow speed inadequacies of Strom headlights on slow turns. Strom bike, still being somewhat vexed about the slalom thing seemed determined to go exploring off-road, but I called it a dirty name and threatened to turn it into a 2 wheeled can opener and it grudgingly fell into line.

So, we finally arrived safely at Stonehenge, park the bikes, fall off (more or less) after 110 miles & an hour & 45 minutes in the saddle. And... IT'S STILL DUCKING FARK! But this is good, because the whole premise behind this adventure (besides convincing our wives that there isn't 3 brain cells still living between the 2 of us) was to take pictures at sunup. Ergo, we had to get there in the dark. Note to self: Next time do this in spring or fall when sunup isn't so damn early!

Anyway, we irrigated a few bushes and proceeded to set up to do what brought us here:

Stonehenge at sunrise. Success! We can go home now.

Well, heck, since we came all this way and we're here already we might as well take a couple more pics.

Arty-fart shot

Uncle reading the plaque. I know he was readin' it cuz I looked at the pic later and it was totally in-de-cipherable. Alien language or somethin'.

'Nother arty-farty shot

Studly adventure bikes. See Strom flippin' me off? Payback's a medivac!

Studly adventure dudes. Handsome devils at that! Intrepid souls of the first order. That'd be me on the right.

Look! A mountain! In Oregon! Who'da thunk it?


And the saga continues...

Having fulfilled the mission for this adventure it occurs to us that "hey, we're hungry!" And, we know where there's some breakfast. Closer than the original route home. And it'll probably be cheaper than any restaurant (final deciding factor). We're off! To the gas station for a pit stop. We didn't really need gas, but Uncle only bought coffee & I was sipping from the Camelbak and we felt guilty, so we bought gas anyway. It's the little things that endear studly adventure dudes to the public.

And we're off! Headed east toward breakfast in Stanfield, Oregon. Whereupon major flaw in the planning of the most excellent adventure becomes apparent as soon as we top the first rise and meet Mr. Sun. Criminitley! That's BUCKING FRIGHT! That's even worse than it being DUCKING FARK even! So now what?

Wellllllllll..... we could sit here until the sun climbs a bit higher in the sky. Uh-uh, we'll miss breakfast. So, we wick up the throttle and press onward, like the studly adventure dudes that we are!

Shortly after setting out Mr. GPS decides to take a break and lock up, so we had to pull over and make emergency repairs. Said repairs consisted of Bimjo turning the air inside his helmet blue while making dire threats to turn Mr. GPS into a pencil sharpener. Unfortunately, Mr. GPS, unlike Strom bike, seems immune to threats. Removal of batteries will kill the evil Mr. GPS! Not! Remove & replace was not good enough, Bimjo had to resort to bribing Mr. GPS with fresh new batteries. Bribe worked, Mr. GPS back online & the adventure continues.

As we are sailing east into the BUCKING FRIGHT sun Strom bike decides that since visibility is poor at best now would be a good time to sneak toward those purty yellow reflectors lining the middle of the road. Sneaky turd got me on a curve and I swear I could hear maniacal laughter as the rear tire slid sideways off the reflector. Having succeeded once Strom bike proceeded to try and hit reflectors in every left curve all the way to the county line. Even managed to nail a few in a couple of right-handers too. Me and Strom bike will be talkin' later. I'll be talkin' with a big stick.

And...... reflector abuse not being enough, some kind soul left road gators all over the place. Normally not a problem, you just dodge them. But when you're riding into the BUCKING FRIGHT sun they can be a bit difficult to see. Only by the grace of God and my personal force shield were we able to miss them all. Take that road gator leaving turd person!

Having successfully negotiated to "road of death and burnt retinas" we are now cruising between Hermiston and Stanfield headed toward chow. When we meet what would nearly be our Waterloo. Coming down the road toward us is a woman on a Honda Metropolitan scooter. Not just any woman. I'm talking a WOMAN. Beeeeeeeg WOMAN. Herculean in size. Looked like the entire front line of the Seahawks. Just puttin' along on that poor scooter. I was shocked. Uncle damn near fell off his bike laughing. That would have been an ignominious ending to an epic adventure. Especially if we'da missed breakfast!

Uncle, being the studly adventure dude he is, pulled it together and we made it to breakfast without further delays.

Breakfast was super, the people were very friendly, and we beat James to the table. What more could you ask?

The End.


Well, this is one of the big reasons I bought the bike, so I could go on rides and take pics. Unfortunately I seem to tend to do more riding than taking pics, but I plan to change that when I get the new bike.

There's two more adventures before the crash story & I'll post them up soon.

Hope you enjoy. :)
That was HUCKING FILARIOUS...:lol::thumbup: Love the first mountain pic, fantastic.
wow..learn something every day.

had to urbandictionary.com it...but now I know what road gators are.

1. road gator

bits of truck tires left when a retread tire shreds on the Interstate. the tire treads look like an alligator's back
Thank you gentlemen, I appreciate your comments. :)

And road gators is bad news to Studly Adventure Dudes on motorsickles. They can make you fall down and go "snap, crackle, pop- you broke something!"

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