If she asked you, how would you respond? If you would have given her permission, it's probably best just to express your feelings. Just let her know what your expectations are in this case, that you need her to run by usage with you first - and then forgive and forget. Because you'd be ok with this anyway, it's kind of a "no biggie" situation.
If you'd charge her for this usage but want/need to maintain a relationship, make that known - and give her a discount. Again, remind her that the images are your and that you need to discuss terms with her.
If you recovering your license is more important than keeping her as a client, then demand full payment. Start softly and end with an attorney.
Just remember, everything you do has consequences. It doesn't matter if you're in your legal right here or not. You have to think about the PR, too.
No, totally. The relationship here is more important than compensation. We're good friends, and she may be my ticket to the big leagues... but using my photo without permission still isn't okay. I'm just trying to figure out what the right words would be for this delicate situation... I want to let her know, but in a way that doesn't make her not want to use my photos again, for fear it would upset me or something.
Well I'm probably in the minority here but I'd say this would be a good time to let sleeping dogs lie.
Anything said about the business card photo is likely to be taken the wrong way. Look at her message to you, she's wishing you a happy birthday and showing off the card thinking you'll be thrilled.
So you have to decide what's more important here, the business aspect or the friendship, and it sounds like to me you've already made that choice.
So yes, you have every right to object and clarify and etc etc, but I don't think you'll end up getting a result you want if you go there.
My 2 cents worth.
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