Where is the community at TPF?

[T-town photographer]

Several posters appear to be due a good flippering.

And who's going to be doing the flipper flogging?

First of all, penguins are evil. How do I know this, the voices in my head have been telling me this. Eating the evil flesh, and burning their oil, in a Harley Davidson, will appease the ice god's, and squash their little evil plans to take over other ice laden regions of the world, on track with their plans to form a one world government, in which all creatures will be enslaved to their evil plans of domination.

Secondly, through their own ignorance, they will soon die off, if we don't find secondary purposes for them, such as food supplements and a renewable source of energy (bio-degradable at that). This is because they live on the bottom of the earth and all of their blood will soon seep to their heads, causing them to become disoriented, and fall off.

Wouldn't it be much better to consume them in a responsible manner, such as grilled penguin steaks, to compliment a nice warm bowl of soylent green?

I don't think you are being rational at all, ant...you're thinking is being controlled (yes, penguins are quite capable of mind control), with a penguins vision of society, which is obscuring your own clarity of thought.

There are devices, available for a nominal fee, which you can fit to your head, that will block out penguin thought control waves, but you can just as easily build one yourself, using only aluminum foil, and coat hangers. I'm wearing mine, just this minute, therefore the unclouded clarity of rational reasoning.

There are also "clinic's" designed for the deprogramming of those obsessed with penguin induced mind control.

Careful, and be grateful that I have forwarned you of the terror that these vile, evil, maniacal creatures have in store for you. And remember, that the duckbill platypus is on your side.

Just trying to save one more person,
Respectfully,

J.

+1

:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

Michael

 

[usayit]

Bloody Penguin Baseball

Penguin Baseball Game - How far can you hit the penguin in this game.

 

[T-town photographer]

^^ I wish I could unread what I just read...

Just jump in and hang on.

Michael

 

[usayit]

You have to admit... It took some creativity to write that post... lol

 

[T-town photographer]

You have to admit... It took some creativity to write that post... lol

Very much so.

Michael

 

[Chiller]

Thanks for the Christmas Evil laugh y'all. holy moly....this thread is officially out of control. Rock the freek on....:lmao:

 

[jbylake]

Thanks for the Christmas Evil laugh y'all. holy moly....this thread is officially out of control. Rock the freek on....:lmao:

I have a question: How off-topic can a post in the "off-topic thread", be off-topic, before it's considered off-topic in the off topic thread, or is this question in the off-topic thread, off-topic?.......ahhhhhh, as he exhales smoke....
BTW, I once heard that grinding the beaks and feet of a penguin, and smoked in a pipe will get you high? Anyone ever smoked penguin beaks? Is it a big high, or just a buzz, or myth. Are those outdoor penguins, or hydroponically grown penguins? Buzz and munchies in one package?

WARNING: Smoking penguins may be illegal in some states and countries, but I believe you can smoke them legally in Amsterdam. Maybe we can raise some cash, meet in Amsterdam, drink some beer, and smoke a couple of bowls of penguin....

J.

 

[kundalini]

Bloody Penguin Baseball

It's been a while since I've played that game, but 958.9 on the third go and 1011.1 as a best tonight. Even so, there's something fascinating about the 27-29 (FT/M(?)) distance. They smash to pieces immediately. buwahahahahaha

 

[Hertz van Rental]

I have a question: How off-topic can a post in the "off-topic thread", be off-topic, before it's considered off-topic in the off topic thread, or is this question in the off-topic thread, off-topic?.......ahhhhhh, as he exhales smoke....

To be off-topic a thread has to be so far off-topic that it is clearly off-topic. But this does not include normal off-topic threads as they are only off-topic and not as off-topic as the threads that are considered to be off-topic.
This thread itself is off-topic as it has gone off-topic. But even if it was on topic it would still be off-topic because it is off-topic.

(Uses fire extinguisher on quoted poster who has clearly overheated)

 

[Hertz van Rental]

BTW, I once heard that grinding the beaks and feet of a penguin, and smoked in a pipe will get you high? Anyone ever smoked penguin beaks? Is it a big high, or just a buzz, or myth.

Smoking penguins is a bit hit and myth.
You get a 'high' but it is in fact your brain-cells dying. Penguin smoke is highly toxic because penguins are toxic.
So toxic, in fact, that even just talking about them turns people into vegetables.
I myself am a potato.


Some tribesmen in remote parts of East London soak dead penguins in aftershave for several weeks claiming this leaches out the toxins - and removes the smell. They then smoke the penguins in large ovens to produce something not unlike a kipper (in looks but certainly not in taste).
I'll post some Lynx later.

 

[jbylake]

I have a question: How off-topic can a post in the "off-topic thread", be off-topic, before it's considered off-topic in the off topic thread, or is this question in the off-topic thread, off-topic?.......ahhhhhh, as he exhales smoke....

To be off-topic a thread has to be so far off-topic that it is clearly off-topic. But this does not include normal off-topic threads as they are only off-topic and not as off-topic as the threads that are considered to be off-topic.
This thread itself is off-topic as it has gone off-topic. But even if it was on topic it would still be off-topic because it is off-topic.

(Uses fire extinguisher on quoted poster who has clearly overheated)

Dear Sir: I must take umbrage to your post in the off-topic section.
I feel that it was totally off-topic, insinuating my off-topic post in the off-topic thread was.....off-topic. Please stay on topic, when pointing out an off-topic post in the off-topic thread.

Thank you for your continued support, and that old mop that you keep in the basement.

J.

 

[jbylake]

BTW, I once heard that grinding the beaks and feet of a penguin, and smoked in a pipe will get you high? Anyone ever smoked penguin beaks? Is it a big high, or just a buzz, or myth.

Smoking penguins is a bit hit and myth.
You get a 'high' but it is in fact your brain-cells dying. Penguin smoke is highly toxic because penguins are toxic.
So toxic, in fact, that even just talking about them turns people into vegetables.
I myself am a potato.


Some tribesmen in remote parts of East London soak dead penguins in aftershave for several weeks claiming this leaches out the toxins - and removes the smell. They then smoke the penguins in large ovens to produce something not unlike a kipper (in looks but certainly not in taste).
I'll post some Lynx later.

Yes..yes, I've heard of this ritual, however the way I heard it, was that it was West London tribesmen, posing as remote East London tribesman, and that the pengi (plural for penguin) were soaked in basalmic vinegar, not after shave. Then the kipper appearing strips were smoked, to produce hallucinagenic religious experiences in their rituals.

However, in the version that I heard, the kipper appearance analogy was the same.

The reason I brought this up at all, is, as you know, medical marijuana is now being dispensed in some places in the U.S., and that although still against federal law, state laws are allowing it, and local law enforcement is not interfering.

Glaucoma patients, people who suffer from chronic pain from a myriad of ailments, and folks with in-grown toenails and occasional toe jam, are mercifully supplied. I was considering penguin, as an alternative, so that after grinding and smoking the beaks and feet, there would be an abundance of jerked penguin to abate the inevitable munchies.

Therefore my interest in funding a penguin/alternative clinic. Now we have another legitimate use for penguin, and an honorable one at that. Food, renewable lubricants, and an anesthetic like high, for medical purposes.

Now, I must go, It's Christmas, and I'm going to have one heck of a time trying to find a doctor, to vouch that I have glaucoma, to obtain my penguin smoking permit.

Please nominate me for a Nobel Peace Prize, humanitarian category. I could use the million dollars.

Thank you for your valuable time,

J.
c

 

[Hertz van Rental]

Just because you 'feel' something is off-topic does not, I'm afraid, make it off-topic.
And I don't insinuate anything. I merely explained the difference between off-topic and off-topic off-topic. Once you have managed to grasp the principal then you will know whether something is actually off-topic or if it is merely off-topic without having to ask an adult
Apology accepted but don't do it again.

 

[Hertz van Rental]

The reason I brought this up ...

Serves you right for eating it. I told you it was toxic.

By the way, your version is the myth.
There are no West London tribesmen.
I lived in the East End of London for many years and was once able to observe the ritual preparation of penguin - although at great peril to my life.
I can assure you that they do indeed use aftershave. Their ritual actually coined the name 'aftershave' as it is used after they shave the penguins (shaving is used as East London tribesmen are not particularly nice pluckers but they are good at close shaves).
And the treated and smoked penguin meat is used as the main ingredient of doner kebabs.
The actual process originated with the Utopi indians, a group of whom were shipwrecked on Canvey Island in the Winter of 1978. The inhospitable landscape forced them into cannibalism, the last two survivors opening a kebab shop in Dagenham.
Originally the Utopi applied the process to mushrooms for use in their shamanistic rituals*, but mushrooms and fungus in the East End generally serve a structural function in Council housing so the last two Utopi adapted it to penguins - a plentiful commodity in that part of the world.
No Nobel prize for you this year. I suggest you stick to something simpler like uses for glue.



*This is where the urban myth you repeated has it's origins, the Utopi originally coming from the Western Isles.

 

[jbylake]

The reason I brought this up ...

Serves you right for eating it. I told you it was toxic.

By the way, your version is the myth.
There are no West London tribesmen.
I lived in the East End of London for many years and was once able to observe the ritual preparation of penguin - although at great peril to my life.
I can assure you that they do indeed use aftershave. Their ritual actually coined the name 'aftershave' as it is used after they shave the penguins (shaving is used as East London tribesmen are not particularly nice pluckers but they are good at close shaves).
And the treated and smoked penguin meat is used as the main ingredient of doner kebabs.
The actual process originated with the Utopi indians, a group of whom were shipwrecked on Canvey Island in the Winter of 1978. The inhospitable landscape forced them into cannibalism, the last two survivors opening a kebab shop in Dagenham.
Originally the Utopi applied the process to mushrooms for use in their shamanistic rituals*, but mushrooms and fungus in the East End generally serve a structural function in Council housing so the last two Utopi adapted it to penguins - a plentiful commodity in that part of the world.
No Nobel prize for you this year. I suggest you stick to something simpler like uses for glue.



*This is where the urban myth you repeated has it's origins, the Utopi originally coming from the Western Isles.

Well, glue this....
Even as you were typing your whimsical nonsense,I was completing an online college and due to my altered state, under the influence of beak and feet, I was able to earn my Phd in Penguin Science. Having typed a 300 page thesis, which will soon be published, I was able to uncover empirical evedince, to totally refute your entire diatribe as to the Utopi/Penguin connection.

As a Professor in Penguinology, I was able to determine, that I was correct in the concoction for penguin elixer, used in holistic rituals. Also, according to Dr. Boya D. Umas, PhdP, No penguins ever arrived in London, they were shipwrecked in a fjord in Norway, and died as a result of fatal injuries received. The year was 1977, not 1978 as you stated, although penguin use a calender based on the traditional antartica calender.

However the roots to your mythical revisionist history of a penguin "invasion" in England, go to a much more sinister cause. Penguin Satan Worship. Without a full blown discourse on the subject, it is well established that Alister Crowley, himself, had once tried to capture the power of penguin mind control, and win over to himself, an army of penguins, pooling their mind control powers into one formidable force. His plan failed.

However penguins then had two powerful attributes, their thought control ability, with a combined dose of power from the prince of darkness.

Lastly, non-hallucinogenic penguins are not toxic, their meat, as mentioned much earlier, is quite edible, and even considered a delicacy in Outer Mongolia. Jerked, grilled, fried, boiled, baked or otherwise, it's quite edible. However, it is advised, that you wear your thought control helmet (construction instructions can be found in an earlier post) while killing the Penguin for preperation. Also, due to their well known involvement with Satan Worship, each penguin should be doused in Holy water, and be blessed by a priest. This is best done with large groups of penguins, and unused meat, immediately frozen.

In future installments, I will instruct you in the proper methods of torture, and killing of penguins.

J. B.S.M.E., Phd. PS.