Are you a good kid?

oriecat · Feb 7, 2004

I often feel as though I am a bad daughter. I never call, I never visit... I love my parents dearly, but I am just one of those people who is really bad about keeping in touch with others. I rarely see or talk to my friends. But sometimes I really worry that this hurts my parents, but I don't know what to do about it, because it's just the way I am... I do talk to my dad a bit on MSN, so it's not like we are completely out of touch. And I don't like talking on the phone at all, and especially with my mom because she has a hearing problem and usually can hardly hear me anyway so it's just frustrating when I try. And it's not like anything is ever going on, so I usually just feel like I have nothing to talk about anyway...

steve817 · Feb 7, 2004

oriecat said:
I often feel as though I am a bad daughter. I never call, I never visit... I love my parents dearly, but I am just one of those people who is really bad about keeping in touch with others. I rarely see or talk to my friends. But sometimes I really worry that this hurts my parents, but I don't know what to do about it, because it's just the way I am... I do talk to my dad a bit on MSN, so it's not like we are completely out of touch. And I don't like talking on the phone at all, and especially with my mom because she has a hearing problem and usually can hardly hear me anyway so it's just frustrating when I try. And it's not like anything is ever going on, so I usually just feel like I have nothing to talk about anyway...

I don't think it makes you a bad kid BUT I will tell you this. If it bothers you now, (and I think it does or you wouldn't have posted this) it will eat you alive when your parents are no longer around.

My Dad never was one to talk on the phone and my Mom couldn't get off and she repeated herself over and over and over. It was very annoying. They have been dead almost 4 years now I was only 34 when it happened. I would give my whole world for just one more annoying phone call.

It's better to be a little frustrated now than it is to be very disturbed later.
Trust me on this one.

Steve

mrsid99 · Feb 7, 2004

Right on the money Steve!
My Mom is still alive in the UK and I make a point of 'phoning her every weekend even though she too is getting hard of hearing but then so am I!
She's also daft as a brush on occasion and there's very little to talk about mostly but it's going to be a really bad day when she's not there to talk to.

Not Neve · Feb 7, 2004

Hi Mindy!

I think Steve is right, if you feel bad about it now you'll feel worse when your parents are gone. Since you don't like talking on the phone I bet they'd be understanding if you just called and said hi and kept the call short. I'm sure they'd love to know that you were just thinking about them. And like you said, if your mom has difficulting hearing she won't mind that it's a short call. Maybe send them a postcard once in awhile. (or maybe you already do)

Since my parents are both gone I don't have this dilemma but I do think sometimes I'm a bad friend. That's something for another thread.

manda · Feb 7, 2004

Im with Steve. You know my story Min, so I dont need to elaborate.,

I know when I FINALLY move out I will prolly phone my Mum everyday. It doesnt make you a bad daughter but if you are concerned, you probgably need to make more of an effort.
It doesnt have to be phonecalls. WRite them letters, send them cards or gifts in the mail. Make them a hamper, send them some of your photographs, plan a trip up to see them.
Life is too short to spend it worrying. Go do.

vonnagy · Feb 7, 2004

*just inspired me to call my family in the states* :hug:

Dew · Feb 7, 2004

i talk to my mom at least once a week (i havent talked to my dad in over 5 yrs) .. she's in a different city..

i'll admit, most times she calls at the wrong time and sometimes its annoying .. but i love her

sometimes i just feel the urge to talk to her, make sure she's doing ok, she just likes to talk on the phone for at least an hour, and sometimes i dont have an hour to give her :?

my mother was a very protective mother while i was growing up ... and up until i got married, she tried to "control" my life (now the hubby's doing it

) .. somehow, i feel like i needed to "break free" and have my own life outside of her...

now i feel like i can stand independently and have her see me as her equal and not her little girl

... im glad she finally realized her "little girl" is all grown up :sillysmi:

Thorniest Whisper · Feb 7, 2004

Hi Oricat :hug:

just thought..
I have mother who is much like you have described yourself. When I was young I had to listen to her mother cry, gripe and whine about how much my mother never called etc... :irked:

I just came out one day and discussed it with my mom. :roll: It's not that she doesn't care or doesn't think about us, she just doesn't keep in touch like the rest of us do. I am confident that it is just her own nature and I have had a real peace about it even though we don't "stay in touch" that often. I suspect you inherited your nature and perhaps just a frank talk with your parents would help you. Demonstrating your affection in a way that really communicates to them :love: may relieve you of a lot of guilt. :guilty:

As it has been said already, they won't be here forever.
I liked the suggestion of writing or dropping notes etc, if that works for you. Just make sure however you do it, that you do communicate and express your love to them as often as you can. If you feel the need to make a change, do it, however small....but throw out the guilt. :wink: