Be Careful With Ultimatums

[keen.observer]

You can put as much thought into finding a mate as you put into buying a new pair of shoes, selecting a pet dog, or deciding where to eat dinner...and so be better off...or you can put no thought into it, spend all of your time feeling-while calling it thinking-and have an unhappy life. Your choice. I choose to think before acting...whether making a picture, or cooking a meal, or forming a relationship. Feel free to do things differently if you like.

 

[480sparky]

..............Feel free to do things differently if you like.

I'll just find a woman I hate, give her all my stuff and avoid the hassle to begin with.

 

[limr]

And apparently, "putting thought into finding a mate" means...

find someone who needs, wants, and loves, you more than you need, want, or love him / her. That keeps you in the power seat. YOU can be the one to dish out ultimatums. YOU can be the one who leaves without regrets.

You call it "reality" and a "rule" and I call it "emotional manipulation and gaslighting."

Which means, of course, your next move would be to come back with 'proof' that I'm wrong and naive and crazy.

Save your energy for people who actually fall for that kind of nonsense.

 

[otherprof]

In every relationship one party wants, needs, loves, etc, more than the other does. Being on the correct side of the equation is what counts. If you are the needier, most in love, etc, you are at a disadvantage, and will be hurt more. Before settling into a long term relationship, find someone who needs, wants, and loves, you more than you need, want, or love him / her. That keeps you in the power seat. YOU can be the one to dish out ultimatums. YOU can be the one who leaves without regrets. If you want, need, or love, your partner more than he / she wants, needs, or loves, you then you are in for trouble, and heartache. It isn't romantic, but it is reality. Careful mate selection is the key to happiness.

Wow. That's really really messed up.

I agree with you, limr. Not every relationship is a zero-sum game. Sometimes everyone is a winner, and better off together than apart. If you are in a relationship where if one person is getting what they want the other one is making a sacrifice, i.e., if one person is winning, the other must be losing, you should be looking for another game.Poker is a zero-sum game, where the chips are only moved around the table. Life does not have to be a zero-sum game; sometimes were create happiness is created.

 

[Overread]

You can put as much thought into finding a mate as you put into buying a new pair of shoes, selecting a pet dog, or deciding where to eat dinner...and so be better off.

Wait are you telling me it takes about 5-10 minutes to work out who a suitable mate is? Or that you spend several weeks courting, taking out to dinner and generally getting to know your shoes before you buy them? Cause either way I think you might be doing something wrong.



Oh wait no would you be one of those that subscribes to Alpha theory; the dominance of the male over the lesser and the lower in the group. The prime of life; fit healthy and breeding ready? Cause not saying you are, but if you are, you do know that not only was the whole alpha theory based on wolves not people; but it was based on incorrect science and proven at the time with captive wolves. Same guy later found it was a load of rubbish and that it was more bully behaviour based on fear, confined space, stress and such; whilst in the wild it was misidentification of parental individuals within family groups; plus longer study shows that even then the dominate individual theory never held up.


But that's wolves not people; so even if the theory were right its not right for people.