ok, some advice that has been given to me in the past:
- you have some harsh shadows there. If using natural light a diffuser or reflector can help provide a fill light to fix that.
- Use your long lens and focus close on the eyes. Hold the focus and zoom out for the shot. This will help assure your focus is right and your eyes aren't too soft.
-The composition of these are great, now the other parts to work on are lighting and post-processing..... Google is your friend!!!
-The over sharpening in the first one doesn't work.
- I'm still fairly new as well so take this with the grain of salt.
Good luck and good first try.