Girl Trouble

[runnah]

If you've had only one other date, just got a license and a car, you have absolutely no conceivable reason to be looking for 'the one.'
Cut it out.
You don't have the emotional expertise or experience to do anything serious.
You should date a few girls very casually and learn how to handle life.
You are about 5 years behind the curve and falling in love or finding 'the one' is the absolute last thing you should be doing now.

The truth right here!

 

[Tiller]

If you've had only one other date, just got a license and a car, you have absolutely no conceivable reason to be looking for 'the one.'
Cut it out.
You don't have the emotional expertise or experience to do anything serious.
You should date a few girls very casually and learn how to handle life.
You are about 5 years behind the curve and falling in love or finding 'the one' is the absolute last thing you should be doing now.

I disagree with this. I've dated one girl, ever. I started 'dating' her when I was 16. We've been together for 5 years now and are engaged.

You can't give a timetable for when people can fall in love.

 

[mishele]

Treat them mean...It will keep them keen. I'm serious. If she thinks she can have you at the click of her fingers, she won't be bothered. If she feels like she's got to traverse hell and high water just to get you to acknowledge her, she'll suddenly find you more desirable than Johnny Depp wrapped in milk chocolate.
Girls crave, and are used to attention, so not giving them what they’re used to will puzzle them and make them want to know more about you and why you aren’t hanging on their every word. If you’re approaching a group of girls, pay more attention to the one that you’re not actually after. Make the other girls laugh.
Once she’s been treated mean and kept keen, she will start wanting to be looked after by the perfect gentleman. Trust me.

:badangel:

Sadly there is some truth in there. I'm not going to go as far as to say we want to be treated "mean" but we don't want someone slobbering at our feet either.

 

[The_Traveler]

If you've had only one other date, just got a license and a car, you have absolutely no conceivable reason to be looking for 'the one.'
Cut it out.
You don't have the emotional expertise or experience to do anything serious.
You should date a few girls very casually and learn how to handle life.
You are about 5 years behind the curve and falling in love or finding 'the one' is the absolute last thing you should be doing now.

I disagree with this. I've dated one girl, ever. I started 'dating' her when I was 16. We've been together for 5 years now and are engaged.

You can't give a timetable for when people can fall in love.

Three points: 1) your situation is an anomaly. Most people at 16 have the long term judgement of a butterfly in heat and your single experience is in no way indicative of the way the vast majority of people find their lives have run.
2) to be perfectly honest, you are 21 dude and, in the long run, you don't know crap about life. You may think you do but, from my perspective and experience, the chances are overwhelming that in 20 years your opinions will be a lot different. I can say that because I met 'the one' when I was 17, maried when we were 21, stayed married for 14 years and then found out that 'that oneness' rarely lasts.
3) Love? It is totally laughable that you think that love is the only and deciding factor for how relationships go. Let me repeat a subtle point I made before that you may have missed; you are 21 and you don't know crap about life yet.

 

[runnah]

I shudder to think how my life would have been if I married the woman I was with at 16. Probably more tie-dye.

 

[mishele]

Lew, you big meany...hehe I agree w/ you. Who you are at 21 and 40 are two different people. I don't mean that in a bad way, it's a natural progression. At 21 you really have no idea what you want out of life, you might think you do, but you don't. =)

Tiller, I really hope you're the exception and you 2 grow together through the changes!! It would be quite the romantic story to tell the kids!

 

[Tiller]

Three points: 1) your situation is an anomaly. Most people at 16 have the long term judgement of a butterfly in heat and your single experience is in no way indicative of the way the vast majority of people find their lives have run.
2) to be perfectly honest, you are 21 dude and, in the long run, you don't know crap about life. You may think you do but, from my perspective and experience, the chances are overwhelming that in 20 years your opinions will be a lot different. I can say that because I met 'the one' when I was 17, maried when we were 21, stayed married for 14 years and then found out that 'that oneness' rarely lasts.
3) Love? It is totally laughable that you think that love is the only and deciding factor for how relationships go. Let me repeat a subtle point I made before that you may have missed; you are 21 and you don't know crap about life yet.

1 - I never said I wasn't an anomaly. However, it is possible. 50 years ago, getting married before 20 was much more common than today. I know more than a few senior adults who are still happily married when they got married before 20.

2 - Don't give me that crap. I've heard that logic before. Following your train of thought, then no one should marry before they're 40 or older, which I find ridiculous.

3 - Did I say that it's the only factor? No. Lew, I understand that wisdom comes with age, and I respect that. But don't treat me like a dumb child.

 

[amolitor]

"treat them mean" is stupid.

"be confident" is not stupid.

Losers confuse being confident with being a jerk. Jerks aren't confident, either they've just been reading a bunch of PUA horsepuckey on the internets to cover up their lack of confidence, or they're just jerks. Nobody's actually all that interested in either of those two options. Needy people sometimes can't leave the jerks alone, since they need approval, but needy people aren't all that attractive either.

The main difference between being a jerk and being confident is that anyone can be a jerk, but in order to be confident you have to be, well, you have to be confident. That means being comfortable in your own skin and happy with yourself and with your life. If you're not, there's a ton of reasons to work on yourself first, and gettin' with someone awesome is somewhere on that list -- but not at the top.

You wanna be interesting? Be interested in something. Be interested in something interesting.

 

[Braineack]

I shudder to think how my life would have been if I married the woman I was with at 16. Probably more tie-dye.

I was 18, now 31; still strong and absolutely no tie-dye.

 

[amolitor]

I shudder to think how my life would have been if I married the woman I was with at 16. Probably more tie-dye.

Plus, I'm a guy now. AWK-ward.

 

[manaheim]

Ummm... wut?

 

[manaheim]

"treat them mean" is stupid.

"be confident" is not stupid.

Losers confuse being confident with being a jerk. Jerks aren't confident, either they've just been reading a bunch of PUA horsepuckey on the internets to cover up their lack of confidence, or they're just jerks. Nobody's actually all that interested in either of those two options. Needy people sometimes can't leave the jerks alone, since they need approval, but needy people aren't all that attractive either.

The main difference between being a jerk and being confident is that anyone can be a jerk, but in order to be confident you have to be, well, you have to be confident. That means being comfortable in your own skin and happy with yourself and with your life. If you're not, there's a ton of reasons to work on yourself first, and gettin' with someone awesome is somewhere on that list -- but not at the top.

You wanna be interesting? Be interested in something. Be interested in something interesting.

Actually, a lot of girls flock to jerks. I'm not suggesting it's a good thing, but it is a fact. Jerks are often also quite confident, or appear to be so, and girls are people too. We all make mistakes.

 

[amolitor]

Yes. Needy girls flock to jerks. Or rather, needy girls are attracted to jerks, and if you are in needy-girl-dense territory (or needy-dude-dense territory) you'll see "flocking". See also high school, facebook.

If you're dealing with mostly confident grownup people, you'll see a lot less flocking.

 

[The_Traveler]

Three points: 1) your situation is an anomaly. Most people at 16 have the long term judgement of a butterfly in heat and your single experience is in no way indicative of the way the vast majority of people find their lives have run.
2) to be perfectly honest, you are 21 dude and, in the long run, you don't know crap about life. You may think you do but, from my perspective and experience, the chances are overwhelming that in 20 years your opinions will be a lot different. I can say that because I met 'the one' when I was 17, maried when we were 21, stayed married for 14 years and then found out that 'that oneness' rarely lasts.
3) Love? It is totally laughable that you think that love is the only and deciding factor for how relationships go. Let me repeat a subtle point I made before that you may have missed; you are 21 and you don't know crap about life yet.

1 - I never said I wasn't an anomaly. However, it is possible. 50 years ago, getting married before 20 was much more common than today. I know more than a few senior adults who are still happily married when they got married before 20.

2 - Don't give me that crap. I've heard that logic before. Following your train of thought, then no one should marry before they're 40 or older, which I find ridiculous.

3 - Did I say that it's the only factor? No. Lew, I understand that wisdom comes with age, and I respect that. But don't treat me like a dumb child.

I didn't say you were dumb but knowledge and experience is different than intelligence.
You don't know what you don't know.

And thinking that how you feel now is either a guarantee that you - or your dearly beloved - will feel the same way next year or that it is close to a possible norm is really a clear indication that, in this situation, you don't know crap.

The OP got his license recently. Would you happily trust him to take a bunch of people on a road trip in your new car?
The same lack of experience and propensity for disastrous crashes applies to being in love and staying with the one.

You however are doomed to make your own mistakes - because everyone does. And you only become aware of the worst in retrospect.

 

[runnah]

Yes. Needy girls flock to jerks. Or rather, needy girls are attracted to jerks, and if you are in needy-girl-dense territory (or needy-dude-dense territory) you'll see "flocking". See also high school, facebook.

If you're dealing with mostly confident grownup people, you'll see a lot less flocking.

Yup. Getting laid is very easy. Having a relationship is very hard.

Anyone who says they have figured out relationships is a lair and possibly a communist.