Girl Trouble

[mishele]

Oh goodie, graphs!! Love and marriage is so romantic!! Hehe

 

[ronlane]

Oh goodie, graphs!! Love and marriage is so romantic!! Hehe

Well, isn't everything graphs and numbers?

 

[The_Traveler]

Old saw

"experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before explaining the lesson."

 

[kathyt]

Oh goodie, graphs!! Love and marriage is so romantic!! Hehe

Just what I love on Mondays....graphs....and charts....maybe fractions will be next?

 

[Tiller]

I didn't say you were dumb but knowledge and experience is different than intelligence.
You don't know what you don't know.

And thinking that how you feel now is either a guarantee that you - or your dearly beloved - will feel the same way next year or that it is close to a possible norm is really a clear indication that, in this situation, you don't know crap.

The OP got his license recently. Would you happily trust him to take a bunch of people on a road trip in your new car?
The same lack of experience and propensity for disastrous crashes applies to being in love and staying with the one.

You however are doomed to make your own mistakes - because everyone does. And you only become aware of the worst in retrospect.

I don't think you need more than one partner as practice to have a happy, long relationship. I think we're going to have to respectfully disagree here. But I understand where you're coming from and I hope I can prove you wrong.

I would agree that dating someone for 6 months when you're 20 and getting married would be an extremely bad idea, which unfortunately I see all the time. But I believe that after dating for 5 years, graduating from college, and having stable jobs, my fiancé and I are not acting on impulse. We have received blessings from both our parents, we are not dumb with money, and I genuinely don't believe that waiting 5 or 10 years would change anything.

 

[Tailgunner]

Oh ****, graphs and charts. My Favorite.

View attachment 53757

Haha!! True Dat!

 

[Trever1t]

A little off-topic here now aren't we?

But to agree with Tiller somewhat. You gotta follow your heart. Right or wrong and no common sense will ever sway such as strong emotion. Granted relationships fail, to not trudge forward following the heart is a larger mistake.

 

[Derrel]

2 - Don't give me that crap. I've heard that logic before. Following your train of thought, then no one should marry before they're 40 or older, which I find ridiculous.

There's no magic number, but age is still dramatically related to divorce rate.

View attachment 53755


Another fun graph showing the earlier ranges in more detail, which are more dramatic than the longer term graph is able to show. Also, the second graph is actually % likelihood, not just per capita amounts in a single timeslice:
View attachment 53756

So getting married at at just 25 instead of 18 for instance HALVES the likelihood of divorce in 10 years. No need to go as high as 40 to see huge results.

Derrel fell asleep as Jar-Jar Gavbenks explained his charts and graphs graps in excruciating detail, droning on and on and on and on....

 

[mishele]

Tiller, don't let us bitter old people stomp on your dream. I really hope you found that one true love that lasts a lifetime!! I'm actually quite jealous if you have...hehe

 

[nycphotography]

Completely outside of the date or romantic context, you were unable to pay for something you had intended to pay for, and someone else covered for you. Whether it was a man, woman or elephant, pay that person back promptly. That's just the right thing to do. If this date had gone well she'd be telling you something like "take me out next weekend so you can pay me back." But, it sounds like it didn't go well, and being able to pick up the check probably wouldn't have fixed that.

Make arrangements to pay her back. Don't even think about turning it into a second date or shot at redemption. If she tries to refuse, insisting that "Mama raised me better than that" usually works for me in such situations. Carry on with life as though this event hasn't phased you at all, and if there is an opportunity for the two of you to try it again later, then that opportunity will present itself. Right now you are "a guy" she went on a date with. If you reimburse her for dinner and aren't awkward about it, you might even become that "nice, but unfortunate guy" she went on a date with. Don't become a "desperate/awkward/needy" guy.

Good luck! There are other fish in the sea. Throw your line back out. You might catch one of them, or this one might come back for another bite. Who knows.

THIS. Honor, Integrity, Self Respect, Respect for Others.

Pay your debt. No obligation on her part. Don't pester her for another date. Hang out with her if you want (ie if you are still interested in her), but don't pay her way. If you two click, you'll get another chance. And you don't click, you don't WANT another chance. And meanwhile continue dating. She is not interested in you that way. Don't be afraid to let her know about your dates. After all, you are friends, and you don't want her to feel stalked by your presence. Give her time and space.

A "date" is really just chance to get to know each other. You didn't win on the date... but she liked you enough to let you still be around her. Thats' not a loss. It's a different kind of win. THink of it this way... now you get to hang out with her and get to know her without having to pay her way for the privilege. As a guy, it doesn't get much better than this. You can be patient. Supportive. BE YOURSELF. And if it's meant to be, oh it most certainly will be. when it's time that is.


And see where things stand later.

 

[jwbryson1]

You can be a jerk and get chicks if:

1. You play a mean guitar; or
2. You have amazing abs; or
3. You have amazing arms; or
4. You find a woman with no self esteem.

 

[jwbryson1]

Or she was really drunk in Vegas? Just kidding!

I Kid! Just looking for a reason to post that vid! :mrgreen:

 

[Big Mike]

Wow, an 8 page thread in just a day. Have you told her "I'm popular on the internet"?

Sometimes I think that I wasted much of my youth pining after girls that just weren't interested in me that way. I spent so much time in the friend zone....I can't think of a joke, but it was a lot of time.

The great tragedy of life, is that we just didn't know then, what we know now. Of course, that is also what makes life a great adventure.

For what it's worth, my advice would be to be brutally honest and be funny about it. Tell her that (or at least make it clear) that you are interested in her (as more than a friend) and tell her that you blew it big time on the first date. "That will make a funny story to tell our grand kids, ha ha"
But don't push it and especially don't sulk about it. Concentrate on bettering yourself and being an interesting person...not just someone who is interested in someone else. It might work out with this girl, but surely others will come and go. Just don't be too caught up in a one sided relationship, that you miss the many other opportunities.

 

[JacaRanda]

Dear Abbey...I'm Confused...

Thanks for the feedback, y'all.... I like Trever's idea of paying her back in some way.. what do the ladies think of this?

Fck her sister.

....thats funny.......i don't care who ya are!!


...i was gonna say slap her on the azz,and tell her to make you a sammich,at the next social event.

 

[JacaRanda]

If you've had only one other date, just got a license and a car, you have absolutely no conceivable reason to be looking for 'the one.'
Cut it out.
You don't have the emotional expertise or experience to do anything serious.
You should date a few girls very casually and learn how to handle life.
You are about 5 years behind the curve and falling in love or finding 'the one' is the absolute last thing you should be doing now.

The truth right here!

Exactly! And, in the case of my sons I would add "You most likely won't be ready until you are at least 40 years old".