how to politely decline shooting a wedding

[kellylindseyphotography]

I'd go to the wedding with camera in hand (as it would be that way regardless) and take the best photos I could. Enjoy the day and not put pressure on myself. I would then PP the best I could and provide the B&G with low res JPEGS with watermarks on CD.

If they wanted prints, then they would have to cover the cost, but I would still do it basically free for family. That's just me.

In the back of my mind I would hope this will lead to paying opportunities.

I also believe in karma.

That is EXACTLY what I said I would do. I just don't want to be "the official wedding photographer". I said I would do the best with what I have, but I'm NOT A PROFESSIONAL. I recommended to my mom to tell her to hire a professional. I said, I would shoot what I could and do what I could for her, but that I feel very uncomfortable with being the "official wedding photographer".. kwim?? I said I would put up the shots on my website and she could purchase them for no profit from me, but that I couldn't put that on my dime.

I was then called selfish and she refuses to email with me anymore.

 

[kundalini]

Perhaps let the dust settle with your Mom and discuss this directly with you cousin.

Take Mom out of the equation for the moment. Sounds like anxiety is creeping in and the tension with Mom wil only increase if calm is not brought back.

Family...... what can you do?

 

[kellylindseyphotography]

Family...... what can you do?

I think there are laws against killing them :lmao:

 

[Mystwalker]

If they are not going to hire a photographer, it is better to have someone "with a camera" (regardless of ability) then noone at all.

As long as they do not expect pro quality.

I always tell friends/family to "not count on me for quality shots". I will be there with camera and will stay out of way, but you roll the dice if you want "pro quality" - probably more like buying Lotto ticket

 

[asfixiate]

Here's a different angle to responding for you.

What equipment do you have and what is the lighting situation going to be like there?

I've been to weddings where disposable cameras were at every table and those were the pictures used.

I've been to weddigns where the photographer cost the couple 3500..

Like everyone says. What are their expectations?

What I'm saying...What can you do?

See what's out there as far as wedding photos are concerned and ask yourself...Could I do that?

Ever hear of believing in yourself?

 

[JimmyO]

Also, why arent you talking directly to your cousin?

 

[asfixiate]

JimmyO
That is the 10.00 question so far.

 

[kellylindseyphotography]

I'm not close with my cousin. The wedding is 3.5 hours from my house, in a church that I have no knowledge of. No knowledge of the lighting, the etiquette, how it will be set up.. nothing. My mom and grandfatehr think this will be such a great "present" to my cousin, so this is just sprung on me literally days before this wedding.

The wedding is Sunday.

The only communication I have wiht my cousin is via myspace, we talklk maybe 2 times a year.

You can see how this is coming out of the blue at me with this new expectation.

My cousin announced she was getting married at the beginning on April and I think she thought she was just going to have something with her, the groom and a few friends. Well word travelled around my family pretty quick and then they all scrambled to try to make it nice for her.

I think it was one of these last minute things like "hey, dawn maria doesn't have a wedding photog. lets see if we can get kelly to do it" 1 week before this wedding.

My mother sent me a text message saying I sickened her with my "greed" and wanting to charge her, so I think she totally misunderstood what I said when I said I would shoot, but she would have to purchase the prints for herself. I mean, what the hell else can I do? I am a single mom, taking the only day off that I work during the week to drive 4 hours to a wedding for a person I'd hardly say I'm close to.

I'm going to eat the cost of gas, a little suit for my 2 year old, lose a paycheck, pay tolls, buy a dress, spend my time shooting her wedding, process the pictures and upload them to my site (all during finals week no less!) and all I asked is that she pay for the prints. I don't see how I"m so far feckin off here.

 

[asfixiate]

Are you interested in eventually expanding to weddings? See if she will cover your expenses at least.

 

[kellylindseyphotography]

Nope not interested in weddings in the least.

I don't mind taking the day off. I don't mind buying a dress. I don't mind paying for gas for the 4 hour trip. I don't mind making my son miss his weekend with his father. I don't mind taking some shots for her. I *want* to do all these things, as she's my cousin, its my family and she's getting married! Its great for her.

What I *do* mind is being called a selfish asshole because I won't pay for prints.

 

[asfixiate]

Woah!

Before I moved 5 years ago I ran a part time consulting business. I was volunteered to help family a little more than I would have liked. My mom telling everyone I had a business turned into everyone in the family using me instead of Geek Squad, etc. I NEVER once paid out of my pocket for parts, supplies, software, etc. The only thing I did for free was the actual help. In your case the actual shot taking.

They're out of their mind if they expect you to pay for prints. Make a cd and give them a cd. That's easy solution.

You lose the cost of the cd but not what could turn into over 100 bucks worth of prints.

Ritz camera makes decent albums its like 30 bucks for 30 pictures. I'm sure you'll take at least 30 keepers.

 

[*Mike*]

Ever hear of believing in yourself?

I don't think this is the issue... The situation is taking a professional relationship and crossing it with family relationship. That's rarely a good idea. Add in all the emotional weight of a wedding, and even the best personal relationship can be strained.

Of course, the fact that the OP doesn't enjoy shooting weddings, doesn't feel equipped to be shooting weddings, and/or doesn't feel fully capable of shooting a wedding should also be respected. Right now the industry is saturated with people that have an utterly false sense of confidence... When someone honestly appraises their abilities, offers to help, and simply wants to set the right expectations ahead of time, well, will that should be lauded and respected.

 

[kundalini]

Kelly,

Can you give us TPF's a *safe* word that you will use before one of us really starts to pi$$ you off? I don't to be in your line of fire. :lmao:

 

[asfixiate]

Mike
I agree with basically what everyone is saying as well as what you are saying. I was just approaching the response from a different angle since it appeared a decision wasn't made yet.

If the expectations are similar to the expectations of the wedding shot with disposable cameras than she' produce better results in my opinion.

Looking at her site I felt she can produce some very artistic as well as candid shots. There is ability there.

"Can you give us TPF's a *safe* word that you will use before one of us really starts to pi$$ you off? I don't to be in your line of fire. :lmao:"

LMAO!!

 

[elsaspet]

WOW!!!!!!!!!!! My mom just emailed me back, I wrote to her what I quoted above, word for word. This is what she had to say:
screw you asshole


Nice!!!!!

Oh. My. God.

Stay home. It's not that I think you can't do it, but you are seeing only the beginning of what "free family photography" amounts to. If you like your family, don't attend the wedding at all.