Its Over.

Soul Rebel

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I just found out that my relationship, which was supposed to turn into marriage....is over. And now its being said that the marks on our youngest are from me. And that I spanked our oldest too much, with his pants down. She used to use the belt 11-12 times. I cant believe this.

How do you get over this? I dont see a reason to live right now.
 

Calliope

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:hug:: I'm sorry you're going through this... it's always tough when a relationship (with children) end. Things are going to be said just to hurt so don't take anything she says seriously right now. Just remember how much you love your kids and focus on them right now! :hugs:
 

Corry

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Soul Rebel said:
I just found out that my relationship, which was supposed to turn into marriage....is over. And now its being said that the marks on our youngest are from me. And that I spanked our oldest too much, with his pants down. She used to use the belt 11-12 times. I cant believe this.

How do you get over this? I dont see a reason to live right now.

DON'T EVER SAY THAT!

You ALWAYS have a reson to live!

I'm sorry to hear all that...but you'll get through this. :hug:: Things might seem like they'll never get better, but THEY DO. You just have to have the strenght to be patient...eventually, in hindsight, you'll realize that you were wrong to think things couldn't get better. :hug::

My thoughts are with you...I hope things get better soon.
 

MommyOf4Boys

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Whoa, I do not know what to say to something like this. Being a mother of 4 children myself, I am not against spanking. I use to hate the saying "it hurts me more than it does you" but I have found how true that is.
Are the children your biological children? I do know that I become overly protective of my oldest son when it comes to my husband spanking or scolding him, because he is not his real father and I get very defensive thinking he does not like him as much because he is not his own.
As far as getting over something like this...give yourself and her some time to cool off before you really think it is over or call it quits. She may just be angry and taking out the wrong way right now. And also as far as not having a reason to live..YOU HAVE TWO REASONS TO LIVE: Your children!
 

Chiller

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Never let yourself get down. It is gonna be a long hard road, but try to stay positive. I know a lot of people right now going through splits...me included, and there are days, I just want to run as far away from it all, but I always want to live.
Ya gotta stay strong during this time and focus the best you can. Tomorrow is another day. Take it one day at a time.

All the best my friend.
 

photogoddess

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You have two reasons to live - your kids. Even though things look bleak now, things do get better. As Chiller said, there are many of us that are or have gone through this and have come out of the trauma of a breakup just fine. One thing that I personally keep in mind daily is that no matter how things look today, they will look differently tomorrow. Unless there is a bonafide crisis going on, try to sleep on things before reacting to them. You'll be glad that you did. Try to keep your chin up and remember that you have a great support system here. :hugs:
 

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if you begin to start blaming yourself, nip it in the bud! constantly remind yourself of the truth and your good qualities, and if you can't think of them because your broken heart is clouding your view, get your friends to remind you. try to focus on doing the things you normally do to keep your mind off of the negative and keep yourself busy.

it takes time for sadness to go away. almost everyone thinks they won't feel normal again, but the human spirit is amazing (trust me)...and the heartbreak almost always heals after a while. it's gonna be tough, but hang in there. like Tammy said...lean on us whenever you feel the need. you've just taken your first step in the right direction towards dealing with this. :thumbup:

take care and eat well...these situations tend to take a huge toll on your body. in the interest of your children and your sanity, be strong and keep your head up!
 
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They arent my biological kids. She can leave now and not let me see them and that would be legal. I consider them my own and stopped saying they were my fiance's children.

I love them just as much as I could my own. I dont have my own and we were planning on having a kid or two in the future.

I just dont know what to do. I am so totally lost. I havent eaten and I cant do anything to take my mind off of it because nothing sounds interesting. Everything is just....stupid and insignificant right now.

We were having problems and there were a few times we considered taking a break but there was never a time that I doubted my love for her and my want to be with her.

One thing that we are dealing with, or were in my case, was our youngest biting. He is 2 years old. Anyway, when he has bitten somebody Michelle has bitten him back. Not hard but enough for him to get the point. I know some might not agree but it was getting the point across and doing its job. Well anyway I did the same thing and he ended up with a bruise. That was just the day before yesterday. That might be what is starting this. I dont know. I was wrong. I did what Michelle had told me to do but I guess I either did it too hard or he moved. I dont know.

I just know that I would not intentionally hurt them. Never.

Thank you for allowing me to vent. I am likely going to do that more often and also be around more to chat.
 

Mitica100

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Soul Rebel said:
Thank you for allowing me to vent. I am likely going to do that more often and also be around more to chat.


You need to vent and to be with your TPF virtual family more often. All of us want what's best for you and all the advices above prove that. Especially JonMikal's ones.

Hang tough and take care of the one person that needs it most right now, yourself.

:hug::
 

Oldfireguy

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Justin every day the sun comes up, sometimes it's hard to see but it is there.

Venting is a good thing. Keep venting, write your thoughts down, get enough sleep, eat, stay away from anything stronger than coke, stay with friends and people you know and trust, get out and walk, talk, chat, whatever it takes.

Life throws us all walls, sometimes they seem impossible to climb but when you do, you will be ready for the next one.

You can do it!
 
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I just dont know what to think. Its starting to sink in that its over. I havent talked directly to Michelle and I am torn between admitting its over and wondering what happens when we talk.

Things that have happened do not point to wanting to end things like that. They point to wanting to fix things. We talked about it. We talked about trying to fix this relationship. And now to find out she has been thinking about this for awhile?

I just dont know. I feel so empty and I am starting to feel sick.

I really appreciate you guys being there. Especially since before now I never realized that I might actually have friends on here. Or at least people who might care. Thank you.
 
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core_17 said:
DON'T EVER SAY THAT!

You ALWAYS have a reson to live!

I'm sorry to hear all that...but you'll get through this. :hug:: Things might seem like they'll never get better, but THEY DO. You just have to have the strenght to be patient...eventually, in hindsight, you'll realize that you were wrong to think things couldn't get better. :hug::

My thoughts are with you...I hope things get better soon.

Everybody keeps saying this but I find it hard to believe. At least right now. For the first time ever I have actually felt like there may not be a tomorrow. That there is no reason to keep going. She was my life. Those two kids were my life. And its all being taken away from me.

I know that a lot of this is my fault and I understand. I take full blame. Its still hard though.
 

LaFoto

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Your own life is your life. You live for yourself, selfish as that may sound, but that is how it is, and you are not defined though someone else. I find that important to point out.

But I am sure you hurt far too much these days, considering how very raw your wound still is, to really see this. Per part you may have begun to define yourself through your relationship with Michelle and her children and you have very happily taken up the role as partner and (step-)father. Which is good and shows me that you are strong and mature and willing to take responsibilities.

Things are turning a wrong way now. Something has been going on underneath the surface that is now erupting. You are being blamed (which, by the way, often comes out of the defensive of the other...) ... but show that same strength, maturity and responsibility towards yourself now, too. You are who you are. And you have all these strengthes. They are inside you. They are hidden underneath that landslide of shock, grief, hurt, disappointment, and I understand that perfectly. But they are still there.

It will be work.
But give yourself the time and chance to dig all your strengths out again.
You will walk through a deep and dark hollow for quite some time to come.
You will be hurt again.
And again.
But go that path and you will find out (you will!) that you come out stronger on the other end. Give it the time it needs, though, for you to walk through that hollow. You are hurting and grieving the lost relationship to three persons. Allow for your feelings. Come here and cry.
But never lose hope in your strengths and abilities, right?
 
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Im not going to get to watch our kids grow up. I cant stand that feeling.
 

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