The Coffee House

[KenC]

I know we've covered this territory before, but it bears repeating. I detest the cold. Truly despise it and have this deep sense of impending doom and gloom and despair about it.
And by cold, I mean under 60F.

What you need is to live in Chicago for a few years as I did - I don't think I've complained about the cold or the wind since I came back to the Northeast.

Ironically, the first year we were there, there were several days where the high was no more than 5 deg F, and then the next summer there was a heat wave where one day it hit 102 (an all-time record as I remember, not just for that day). I remember thinking: "where the f*** am I and how do I get out of here?"

 

[bribrius]

then maybe you should sleep with him and get it out of the way.

could you do it instead of me?

because I clearly can't do that

LOL!
I don't go that way. And besides that I am married to a woman with a temper. Last time I jumped the fence I thought she would kill me and my fling had to put a restraining order on her. I been a good boy for eight years now I need positive encouragement!

 

[limr37 6]

What you need is to live in Chicago for a few years as I did - I don't think I've complained about the cold or the wind since I came back to the Northeast.

Ironically, the first year we were there, there were several days where the high was no more than 5 deg F, and then the next summer there was a heat wave where one day it hit 102 (an all-time record as I remember, not just for that day). I remember thinking: "where the f*** am I and how do I get out of here?"

I have been to Chicago several times and always during the summer. It is not a pleasant place int he summer.

Too bad, because I liked it there.

 

[bribrius]

only time I have been to Chicago is on connector flights. And walking all the way through the airport back and forth to go out for a cigarette is about all I remember about it.

 

[mishele]

Maria...

You know, it's time to get down to business. You need to be as straight forward as possible. I would write him an e-mail giving examples of how he is making you uncomfortable. This does 2 things, 1. You tell him exactly how you feel and you don't have to be face to face. 2. It gives you a documented conversation. He is going to have to be very careful on the way he replies. He'll need to address the issue in a professional way. If he doesn't you'll have the proof of it.
(Just remember to keep emotions out the e-mail (anger). Be friendly but to the point.)

I know you keep turning down all the ideas being thrown at you but it's time to really do something if you want it to stop. <hugs>

 

[KenC]

What you need is to live in Chicago for a few years as I did - I don't think I've complained about the cold or the wind since I came back to the Northeast.

Ironically, the first year we were there, there were several days where the high was no more than 5 deg F, and then the next summer there was a heat wave where one day it hit 102 (an all-time record as I remember, not just for that day). I remember thinking: "where the f*** am I and how do I get out of here?"

I have been to Chicago several times and always during the summer. It is not a pleasant place int he summer.

Too bad, because I liked it there.

It's a great city, and the summers are on average a little more temperate than they are here (Philly or NYC), but the winter is awful. Once I could not get a sharp hand-held close-up on a city street because the wind off the lake actually made me rock back and forth.

 

[limr37 6]

I lived in Pittsburgh for 4 years and I think the winters there are rougher than they are here. Pittsburgh sits in that 3 rivers bowl and weather systems seem to camp right over that bowl for a while, so there was a lot of snow, a lot of cold temperatures, and a lot of heat and humidity in the summer.

Coldest temperature I ever encountered was in Pittsburgh: -22F. That was the day after a blizzard. If I remember correctly, school was still open during the storm, but they sent everyone home halfway through that really cold day because the city ordered public buildings to close to institute a 'brown-out.'

Of course I walked to school that day

 

[sm4him]

Maria...

You know, it's time to get down to business. You need to be as straight forward as possible. I would write him an e-mail giving examples of how he is making you uncomfortable. This does 2 things, 1. You tell him exactly how you feel and you don't have to be face to face. 2. It gives you a documented conversation. He is going to have to be very careful on the way he replies. He'll need to address the issue in a professional way. If he doesn't you'll have the proof of it.
(Just remember to keep emotions out the e-mail (anger). Be friendly but to the point.)

I know you keep turning down all the ideas being thrown at you but it's time to really do something if you want it to stop. <hugs>

^THIS. Lots of so much THIS.

This guy's actions are going to HAVE to come out into the light before anything happens. So you can either just continue to try to deal with it alone and be absolutely miserable for a very long time--because, as you've already discovered, NOTHING you say orally or do is going to dissuade him, OR you can decide it is bad enough to amp it up and make this an OFFICIAL complaint. Mish's idea is a good first step to that. Send an email; be polite and professional, but do NOT beat around the bush. State what is actually bothering you about his behavior. If he is making sexual advances, don't gloss over that. Call it sexual advances. Make it clear that you will not continue to tolerate it and he WILL STOP unless he wants you to "go public" with this problem.

 

[sm4him]

I know we've covered this territory before, but it bears repeating. I detest the cold. Truly despise it and have this deep sense of impending doom and gloom and despair about it.
And by cold, I mean under 60F.

What you need is to live in Chicago for a few years as I did - I don't think I've complained about the cold or the wind since I came back to the Northeast.

Ironically, the first year we were there, there were several days where the high was no more than 5 deg F, and then the next summer there was a heat wave where one day it hit 102 (an all-time record as I remember, not just for that day). I remember thinking: "where the f*** am I and how do I get out of here?"

I could not physically survive a Chicago winter. I would either bail and go somewhere else, or I would…well, I just wouldn't make it through that kind of winter. It is truly often ALL I can do to make it through the comparatively mild winters we have here. I get so depressed in the cold and gray and gloom that I just don't want to keep facing it.

My father always said the same thing about having been stationed in Alaska during WWII though, that he was never cold again after that. And he wasn't either--he'd go out in the middle of an ice storm in his shorts and bare feet to get more wood for the fireplace so the rest of us would stay warm!
That changed in the last few years of his life though, when he had Parkinson's and dementia; it was really odd to see my dad sitting wrapped up in a blanket and still cold!

 

[Rick50]

I would never slap you, don't worry

Thank you dear.

Rick, thank you for carefully choosing your words but you're wrong in terms of my behaving towards him
I don't see any way I could change my behavior/personality or anything towards him. I'm pretty unpleasant around him but it seems like he just doesn't care.

Well, the situation appears a bit more involved than I presumed. I was hoping maybe you wouldn't lock horns but it doesn't appear he will not allow that. I can't go any further into this on a public forum. Is there a way to get help from higher authorities? There are ways in the States to get restraining orders and such. Wish I could help more. In the meantime.....

This is a great song but even for me it would get old after a while.

 

[sm4him]

I lived in Pittsburgh for 4 years and I think the winters there are rougher than they are here. Pittsburgh sits in that 3 rivers bowl and weather systems seem to camp right over that bowl for a while, so there was a lot of snow, a lot of cold temperatures, and a lot of heat and humidity in the summer.

Coldest temperature I ever encountered was in Pittsburgh: -22F. That was the day after a blizzard. If I remember correctly, school was still open during the storm, but they sent everyone home halfway through that really cold day because the city ordered public buildings to close to institute a 'brown-out.'

Of course I walked to school that day

The winter after I moved back here from Atlanta (this is my hometown, but we lived in Atlanta through my high school years and until I got married in my early 20s), it was the coldest winter on record. We had a record snowfall and the temperature dropped to -24F.
If it EVER gets that cold here again, I will pack everything that I can fit into my little convertible, and I will simply disappear. Go hop on a ship to the Caribbean and make a living selling photos to tourists.

 

[Rick50]

This is where you want to get to:

 

[mishele]

Maria...

You know, it's time to get down to business. You need to be as straight forward as possible. I would write him an e-mail giving examples of how he is making you uncomfortable. This does 2 things, 1. You tell him exactly how you feel and you don't have to be face to face. 2. It gives you a documented conversation. He is going to have to be very careful on the way he replies. He'll need to address the issue in a professional way. If he doesn't you'll have the proof of it.
(Just remember to keep emotions out the e-mail (anger). Be friendly but to the point.)

I know you keep turning down all the ideas being thrown at you but it's time to really do something if you want it to stop. <hugs>

^THIS. Lots of so much THIS.

This guy's actions are going to HAVE to come out into the light before anything happens. So you can either just continue to try to deal with it alone and be absolutely miserable for a very long time--because, as you've already discovered, NOTHING you say orally or do is going to dissuade him, OR you can decide it is bad enough to amp it up and make this an OFFICIAL complaint. Mish's idea is a good first step to that. Send an email; be polite and professional, but do NOT beat around the bush. State what is actually bothering you about his behavior. If he is making sexual advances, don't gloss over that. Call it sexual advances. Make it clear that you will not continue to tolerate it and he WILL STOP unless he wants you to "go public" with this problem.

Yep. It's nice because everything is still private. No one needs to know anything. He has a choice at this point to change his behavior and it's all over. If he doesn't, you have proof that you tried to take a high road and communicate with him about the issue. This is a win, win option for you. It also helps if things get messy. You have something documented on the issue. He can't make **** up 2 months from now if it goes bad.

 

[bribrius]

 

[Gary A.]

Buenos Dias Coffee (postwhore)Housers.