Please forgive me for trying to bring the thread slightly more back on topic...
1. 20 years of experience and you didnt bring an external flash?
The photographer I hired for my wedding didn't bring an external flash, and her shots turned out incredible. I'll take a great, noisy (which can be fixed in post!) shot taken in ambient/natural light, over almost any shot taken with attached strobe. That said, maybe she has enough experience to know when she needs it or not? High ISO's, especially with the camera's made lately can be amazing...
2. You did not mount your lens hood correctly (she was using a large zoom range and it could go pretty wide.. 18mm-100+mm? Not sure). She had the long curved side on the side of the frame (landscape)
Is it at all possible that she had a large body SLR (1d, D3, etc.) or using a gripped smaller body camera and she was carrying it/holding it in portrait orientation? I've seen several photographers do this, and I've actually seen what you saw, until I actually looked closer and realized what was going on. Not saying this is what happened, just putting it out there as a possibility.
Then in the middle of photoshoot she said something really stupid. She said that my flash is messing up her focus. ??
There are many definitions of the word 'focus.' Only one of them refers to what you are thinking. It's entirely possible she meant one of the other 6 definitions (according to Websters). It's also entirely possible she misspoke and meant concentration, exposure, etc. It happens to people. I suppose it's a stretch to give her the benefit of the doubt, eh?
All in all, you're picking nits as far as I can see. You're trying to show everyone why you're a better photographer than a (supposed) 20 year veteran. I'm guessing she rubbed you the wrong way in your first encounter, and from then on you were looking for anything to show why she's not as good as she should be. Maybe instead of looking at the (potentially) 3 things she did bad and thinking she's not great, you could look at this as an opportunity to learn something and make yourself a better photographer.