Corry's Joke of the Day Thread

Corry · Sep 7, 2005

This is awful!

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man. The man then replies: Yeah, well we were married 35 years.

Corry · Sep 7, 2005

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

Corry · Sep 7, 2005

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: That's not it and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: That's it."

jstuedle · Sep 8, 2005

"When NASA first started sending up astronauts, "

True story, still sadly funny, from a taxpayer point of view.

vixenta · Sep 8, 2005

awww crap, now why couldn't i have noticed this earlier when i posted my joke? :roll: :lol:

jstuedle · Sep 8, 2005

An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him.
He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. "I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.
"Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car."
. . priceless!

Corry · Sep 8, 2005

http://www.emotioneric.com/

I went through every emotion...some of them are hilarious!

Corry · Sep 8, 2005

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/victories.html

Mitica100 · Sep 9, 2005

A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mama," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

Mama answered, "Not yet."

mrsid99 · Sep 9, 2005

A biker stops by the Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They
couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and
would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a
bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock
dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However,
he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.

The owner said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry
the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the
goose in your other hand?"

"Hey, thanks!" the biker said, and out the door he went. But in the
parking lot he was approached by a little old lady who told him she
was lost.

She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird
Lane. Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there
in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a
lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get
in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and
ravish me?"

The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil,
two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up
against the wall and do that?"

The lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the
anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

Corry · Sep 9, 2005

Corry · Sep 9, 2005

The most pointless website ever! :lol:

http://www.muffinfilms.com/tree.html

photogoddess · Sep 10, 2005

You've got that right. :lol:

Mitica100 · Sep 10, 2005

One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five little old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old Indian woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask . . . Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern.

"Oh, they'll be all right, officer. We just got off Route 119."