Battou - there is understandings ones limitations - certainly we all need to understand our own limits, but if you take it too far then you get into a rut. You can easily get to the point where you see yourself as not worth a damn and then you get into the slippery slope of going further down - you put in less effort and get worse results out and that reinforces the negative self view - then it snowballs!
You do sound like you have been through a lot of hard times and are still living through times which are not so easy - but determined to make an improvement - your view now looks more posetive then your initial post which seemed to me to be very negative.
I think I would be right in saying that your right on the boarderline - I would like to see you a little more self confident, it won't lead to what you fear because your not that sort of person and if you feel better about yourself and what you CAN do then that can help carry you through bad times - rather than just dwelling on the negative side. No matter how good it is to face ones problems if you only dwell upon them then they will drag you down.
Out of interest what goals have you set (just with photography)? Have you set any in stone or just in writing?
Yes, I am on the boarderline, this is by design. Confidence? I have no lack when it comes to
confidence. I know how to
stroke my ego when needed. I have people lining up asking me for advise or to take photos for them. I have one woman asking me to take insurance photos of her grandmothers china, I have man asking me to photograph his kids laccross games, another woman asking me to do her sons seinor protriats, one of the managers behind the photo counter asking me what camera she should buy and so many more. This boosts my ego further, but an ego is something I have limited use for.
There are two things that will cause the self detruction you are getting at. One is a complete lack of confidence like that you are refferring to where people truly believe they are not worth a damn and don't have what it takes that snowballs straight into depression. The other is an over developed ego. Believing that one is better than they are leads only to repeted dissapointment. As time goes by the accumulated dissapointment takes it's toll, they put in less effort and get worse results out and that reinforces the negative self view, then it snowballs, straight into depression, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
A little trick I have learned over the years, Find a happy middle ground. I create a delicate balence by controling my ego with self doubt and visa versa. I have the confidence to know I can overcome any rut I find myself in, I am also not so arrogent to believe I am impervious to setback. It's this balence that keeps me from going back to the mental facility. If it can work on somthing as complex as life, then it will without a doubt work for something as simple as a hobby. Control my setbacks, control my success and don't let either of them go to my head. I started to get cockey with that super telephoto lens and I need to put my self in check pretty quick as I am negotiating a session requested by my GF's aunt with some subjects I have wanted to photograph since before I got into wildlife photography as well as my upcomming first truly capable zoo session. I just do not want to walk into these next two major sessions to me with a cockey "I can do this" attitude, I want an attitude of "if I keep my head on my shoulders, I'll be fine". This way, regardless of how they turn out, I'll be pleased with the results.
As for my goals in photography, trickey question. In truth, I just want to be good enough to say I can do it and hold my own, what ever "it" maybe. A jack of all trades and a master of none. My goals in photography took a violent turn a couple years ago when I accepted an administrative position on the website who's banner displays prominately in my signature. Prior to that all I wanted out of a camera was to be able to photograph damage to vehicles, I took photography classes just so I could do that. Despite being certified in autobody repair and refinishing, I am not in that field. Wile I sit and baby sit two very well behaived and intellegent children I am left with time to kill, so when I was asked to fill the staff position on the website I jumped on it. It did not take long for me to come to the conclution that if I am to serve that website for any and all forms of photography to the best of my ability, then I should be a general photographer, with a gallery that is loaded with imagery that shows I know what a camera is and how it works, Something I feel one should expect from an administrator. Make no mistake, I do enjoy the work I do, compounding hobbies is an interesting challenge to say the least. Even if that website should be dismantled tomorrow I am still not going to put down my camera because the interest was there before the website came along, that's why I aws offered the position, I just lacked the motivation to find a goal and expand on it. At the risk of sounding redundant, if I think I am already there, I will go no where. My photography has come a long way for it so I have no regrets, and look forward to where it's going.
On an unrelated note, Overread, I should be getting some photos back later today that might interest you. Not sure yet if they worked or not but some goofin around shots I mentioned to you forever ago and you called insane but interesting to see if memory serves me correctly. :mrgreen: