Thoughts? Comments?

[KamaKazzy]

Alright, I dabble in a bit of odd poetry. No real rhyme scale typically. Here are a few from a LONG time ago when I was going through a tough time with, well...my first love:

1.)
I hear sirens...are they for me? I can only hope. All I see is darkness...until I look down. There is a puddle there, and in that puddle I see us...it's that day you first told me you loved me...we were riding bikes, and I had to go home. No...that can't be. I can't see this. I run, jumping into the puddle splashing an already shattered memory all over the asphalt. Where do I go now? Look, I see a light. As I get closer...there is a figure. Who is that? Oh, it's you. Why are you here? Why do you haunt my dreams? I guess I can't say haunt. I'm actually happy to see you. Maybe I won't wake, and we can live here forever. You disappear though. Why? Oh, that's right. You know you deserve better than what I have. So I'm here alone. The sirens, they have gone as well, along with that darn puddle. Walls begin to close around me...I should be scared, but I'm not. Maybe they will crush me...turn me into nothing but dust to be blown away with the next gust of wind. I can only hope.

2.) I want to be her...for she has him. I want to be her...for he loves her. I want to be her...for she is who he dreams of. Do I ever appear there...in those clouds above his head while he sleeps? I see the way you talk to her...and this knife only cuts away more of me, more of my hope. I'm disapearing. Maybe that's a good thing? Your silhouette is standing there in front of me...but it is only a shadow. The real you I'll never hold in my arms again, for she is holding you. Can I blame her? You are only perfection...

3.) I'm drowning in those blue eyes of yours. I'm trapped, but that's alright. It's warm in those eyes of yours. I could stay forever. They are beautiful, those eyes of yours. Loosing myself in them was easy. They are captivating, those eyes of yours. They have me in their grip. I'm drowning in those lovely eyes of yours, and I love it. For that is where I wish to be. Those eyes of yours, they feel like home...first time I've felt that I belong somewhere in a long time. But, I cannot be there. I need to be there...

Alas, I am stuck here in my whirlwind of emotions, only to daydream of you, and those eyes of yours.

4.) Your voice is drowning my thoughts, your eyes have me trapped. I'm stuck. Where do I go? It seems that only you can bring that genuine smile to my lips...but I cannot have you. You are a few feet away, yet you are thousands of miles away from my reach. For I cannot have you. I am yours, although you may not be mine. You hold my heart, I am your puppet. I am here at your feet, you could do whatever you would like to me. Spit in my face, slit my wrists...crush my heart all you would like...you would still amaze me. Your smile, it captivates me. It is so beautiful. Your hands, watching your fingers skim across those guitar strings...oh, won't you play that song? You deserve better than me. You deserve happiness, you deserve perfection...I cannot be perfection. She can. You deserve her. If only I could kiss you...so passionately, so deep. If I could dream, it would be of your lips on me. With no sleep, I do not dream. I can't sleep without you by my side. The emptiness in my bed next to me frightens me. I can't cry. I feel as though I need to, and I try...but I cannot. The tears, they burn the back of my eyes...but they just won't come out. I'm almost nothing but an empty body...hopeless...dying slowly. Death...death never sounded so sweet. Can someone take me away from this...put me out of my misery? Your stuck in my head, no matter what I may be doing, where I am...there is only you. Do I ever cross your mind?

5.) (one that actually rhymes...)
Could you do me one favor, one favor is all I ask,
Rip my heart out and please do it fast,
Just reach into my chest so cold,
Find my beating heart and grab a hold,
I do not wish for it to stay,
I want all these feelings to go away.
This play list of mine is out to kill me,
Driving this sharp knife in me deep,
It's playing these songs which only bring back past memories,
I'm stuck to these with this darn emery,
I'm a pathetic mess without you holding my hand,
I can barely walk, I can barely stand,
For it was you that held me up all these years,
For it was you that helped me dry those tears.
All I want to do it kiss you madly,
I want to hold you, hold you so badly,
Only you can fill this empty void,
Only you can fix this heart destroyed,
Yet I am stuck here a vacuous and without hope,
My sanity is out of reach, I cannot cope.

6.) With distractions I can go on like nothing is there, I can push this ghost of mine to the back of my mind and play it off that I'm perfectly happy pretty well. But now that I'm alone, that ghost claws it's way, ripping and bruising, to haunt me once more. I'm stuck in this purgatory, between life and insanity...and here in this purgatory a ghost stalks me...creeping through this emptiness, trying to get to me. I push it away, I shove, I scream...but I just can't seem to rid myself of this loneliness. There is a light, but I can't reach it. I run, and I run towards this light...only to see it slip further and further away. So here I am, stuck in this purgatory, haunted...

7.) I'm lost...this damned heart of mine still dreams of him. I hate it. I don't want to feel for him. I don't want him. He isn't good for me, I know this...but why does my heart believe otherwise. I'm trying to move on...I thought I did. I don't get it...why do I feel this way? I hate it...wow, I don't think I've said that enough. Then this damned song has to play. Why??? Maybe I'm broken, there has to be something wrong with me...someone needs to fix me. Because I don't think I'm supposed to feel this way...am I? I mean, why would I? I guess it's time again for that fake smile...

8.) I'm dreaming...I'm back on that street again. Those sirens, they're back. I know they aren't for me, sadly. Suddenly you appear. Why have you invaded my dreams once again? I thought I was rid of you. Why are you here? I don't want you here, darn it. You keep trying to get closer to me, and I back away. You are like poison, a drug, and I don't need you. I know this. Yet...there you are? You finally grab my hand, pulling me close to you. No...stop. I don't want you. Not anymore. Go away! You're brushing the back of your hand across my cheek now. Why? You don't love me, you never did. Why the fireplace are you here? I'm lost. Why does them damned heart of mine want what hurts it the most? You can only bring bad into my life, I don't need you here. Why must I want you?
All I have are questions, for I am lost. I'm stuck here once again, lonely...empty. I don't want to be here anymore, I'm tired of it. I don't want you in my dreams anymore, I'm sick of you.
I miss you...




Alright...those are old...pretty old. Also, I was never good at writing anything even remotely 'happy' until recently. These are my newest ones. You have to read the others to fully understand these. But, here ya go:

1.) Those sirens, I hear them once again. I smile, knowing they are not for me. He walks up behind me, my world, and hugs me close. I look down and see the face of my past love, the one who broke me down to nothing, then I look up into the face of the man holding me, the one who rescued me from the dark void consuming my soul, my heart. I was stuck, trapped in a state where my vision was tunneled. I saw only what I had loved, not what he did to me. The man holding me know, he's opened my eyes to happiness, to color, to so much more than the boy in the puddle could have ever given me.
We walk, the old buildings, the decay and sadness around us crumbles away. Trees, big and beautiful, grow from the remains, spreading their limbs to soak up the sun, casting a cool shade over us. Woodland creatures start peaking around the trees, investigating us, and their new world. A sparkling lake forms in front of us, the sunset reflecting in the rippling waters. We stood their, admiring the beauty of this new world, this beautiful untouched place of wonders. This place, our place, our world to share together. There are no more monsters lurking in the shadows, no more sadness to crawl up between my feet to consume me. There is just you and me, and our new world.
I'm your baby, and that's all that matters anymore. You've saved me from the shadows, seeping through my veins into my heart, blackening it. Casting it's darkness to eat away at me, no more. For I am your babe now.

2.) This wall of mine, it's melting away. I never thought it would, not for anyone. Yet, here I am, my heart is opening for you. I do not resist it, I do not fear it. I welcome it, with tears of joy streaming from my eyes, I welcome it. You've changed my world, you've opened my eyes. I figured one day I'd find someone to make me happy, but I never thought I'd find someone to make me melt the way you do. You needed not tear away my wall, for it is falling away for you. My sorrows, my agony, they fade away. All that is left is this glorious beatitude. This wondrous bliss. I sit here, and you are there in my mind, in my heart, and I smile. I have never felt the need to cry tears of joy, until you held me tight against you, until your lips met my hand, until words softly poured from your lips telling me you cared. I have never felt that before. It does not scare me. I am yours, and I am gracious.


K, sorry there were so many. I tend to get pretty poetic. lol! Thanks for any comments. Be brutal if you must, won't hurt my feelings!!!

 

[KamaKazzy]

And...another one:

Sleep escapes me tonight, wrenching it's way out of my wide opened eyes to seep through the cracks in the walls and windows. Why? Well, I guess I am glad. Dreams, horrific dreams that startle me awake at hours that should not exist to the typical diurnal human. I can't remember any of them, only that there is only death in the end...only sadness, loneliness. He's torn away from me every time. That I know, I can feel it in the restlessness, the anxiety when I wake up. Where is he? Is he ok? Did something bad happen? All of these questions run through my tired mind after the initial shock, and the realization that is what just a dream, a terrible nightmare, that is racking my mind as I sleep. What's that noise? Is someone there lurking beneath my bed? No, that's impossible. The doors are locked, and the windows. My bedroom door, especially. Barricaded by that flimsy lock, and that large rock I place in front of it to keep intruders away. I need him there, I need to feel his warmth next to me...not the cold emptiness beside me. This weekend maybe...hopefully. 4:51 am. No sleep yet. Don't plan on it now. Maybe I'll open that energy drink I bought. Yeah, I think I will. Hopefully I'll be alright, hopefully I can keep my eyes open. Maybe, this time...I can escape those dreams that torment my sleep. Maybe.