WAY off topic, then trying to pull it back!

SnappingShark · Jul 16, 2014

This may be read by some as a depressing post - although it is not. It is uplifting and hopeful from my part.
It is not intended to be a pity party either - just some thoughts, sharings, and questions.

So as some of you may, or probably won't recall; a while back I posted a topic about getting a new model to work with - my wife and I were pregnant and we were going to have a child! Woo!

Fast forward almost a year and we have lost 3 pregnancies in just that time frame. We have since determined the root cause, and unfortunately it looks like we won't be able to carry our own child to term.

So we looked into adoption. International to be specific. Why international? Because there are far more children around the world who need stable, loving families than there are in the United States right now.
However, due to regulations and law changes, and international adoption on the decline, we have decided that adoption from far away lands isn't the best move for us - for fear that if the regulations and laws change again, it could be loss number 4.

Sure there are Foster homes, but they're more geared towards older children and being open to them returning home one day. We want our own. At least this time. We may well adopt or foster some older children once our own grows up! How exciting - build a family!

Anyhoo - We have settled on surrogacy. It's a big thing, and something we are excited about. Like, seriously excited about!

Yikes though!

But I was reading a TPF thread earlier about contracts and lawyers and it got me thinking as to the biggest contracts of my life so far.
Marriage and Mortgage. Pretty standard, I guess.

But this is gonna top the freakin' lot.
A contract, for another human being to carry the child of my wife and I. UNREAL!!!

It makes me so grateful that there are people in this world who want to help couples like my wife and I to realize our dreams.

So to say thanks in my own little way, to others who have conversed with me here on TPF, allowing me to have a release mechanism this past year; I'd love to donate a lens that I WAS going to sell (Tokina 12-24mm f/4 for Nikon) to either the next round of Lens Across America, or to somebody new, starting out with a Nikon. It's not the grandest gesture, like our surrogate mom, but ... it's what *I* can do.
I'll put a vote in a separate post in a week or so. Help one vs help the few kinda thing.

So my questions for you would be: What's the biggest contract you've been in, and also how have you helped somebody recently?

JacaRanda · Jul 16, 2014

Kudos to you and your wife for looking at alternatives.

Good luck to you!

D-B-J · Jul 16, 2014

I'm still young (21) so I don't have any big contracts. I am lucky enough to have my parents help. I'm assuming my first "large" or "important" contract will be a new car or apartment, but I don't see that happening for at least a year or so. I'm sorry to hear about your lost pregnancies, but I am excited for you in finding a surrogate and having an adorable baby of your own. I became an uncle recently, and while that's not a parent, it's still really fun. Having a baby around is like nothing else.

Cheers and good luck!
Jake

weepete · Jul 16, 2014

Good luck mate, hope it all works out for both of you.

The biggest contract I've been in was a work one (I work as a utilities contractor) I believe the budget was around £22,500,000. My role in that wasn't big but lots of pressure as any delay in my workload held up construction for the whole project. That was kinda a big deal to me as often I was working to tight deadlines with very little or no notice and there was no slack and for a big part of the project no one else on my end. I could have literally cost the project more in a days delay than I earned in a year. Thankfully I worked with some good people and we eased over the bumps but that to me was huge.

The only bigger one for me that takes precedence over everything else is my unwritten but implied. That's me doing my best to bring up my daughter and teach her some of the life skills she'll need to get by in the world. So today and yesterday I press ganged a teenage girl into disassembling a vintage stool, giving the old joints a new lease of life and reassembling it (which she has now inherited for her room and she is really chuffed with it too). Saturday's lesson was how to put on a concrete skim on some brickwork and tomorrow's will probably be a wee plumbing job.

IzzieK · Jul 16, 2014

Good luck to you and godspeed for what you are trying to achieve...a child is a good thing. Taking care of it is the crux. Whoever you and your wife is going to choose will be lucky.

rexbobcat · Jul 16, 2014

I guess my "biggest" contract to this point seeing as how I'm pretty young (21) would have to be my scholarships. A max of 4 years of keeping grades up so I don't have to cry myself to sleep in a pile of loan statements.

It's not that big, especially when compared to making the decision to create new life via a surrogate. That's a HUGE contract beyond anything I'll probably be signing in the near future.

Congrats on this exciting new journey as well. I wish you luck and hope everything works out for y'all!

JustJazzie · Jul 16, 2014

Thanks so much for sharing your story. What a roller coaster of emotions for your family. Good luck on your journey, I will be keeping you in in my thoughts, and sending lots of good vibes your way!

As for contracts- I'll be honest, I suppose marriage is it. I guess I'm petty boring.

limr · Jul 16, 2014

I'm sorry for your troubles, Bright, but I hope this works out for you and your wife! :hug::

My biggest contract? Probably when I accepted a teaching job in Istanbul and went abroad.

mmaria · Jul 17, 2014

I am very sorry for your experience and I'm sending big :hug:: to your wife.

I wish you all the best trough your path (whatever that path may be) of getting your own child!

my biggest contract- marriage/ and I hope I helped someone recently

yes I did

sm4him · Jul 17, 2014

Bright, really sorry for your losses. That you two have been on such a journey and are still choosing this path of surrogacy speaks of your commitment and desire to be parents, and with that kind of commitment to parenthood and to each other, you are going to make awesome parents!

I guess the biggest actual written contract was my mortgage. There was the marriage contract, but one party didn't quite hold up on that one.

But there are two far bigger, unwritten but understood contracts I've agreed to. One, I can't talk about here because it would move us into a banned topic--the other is parenthood. That moment you become parent to another human being is--or SHOULD be--a life-changing event. For the first 29 years of my life, my decisions were so often about me, me, me. As a mom, the vast majority of the decisions I've made in the last 23+ years has been about what was best for my kids (who aren't kids anymore, but are still MY kids...). To me, the most heartbreaking thing in the world is seeing someone blessed with a child who refuses to do what is necessary to care for, nurture and provide for that child.

How have I helped someone recently? Well, I've probably helped a few people by staying away from them. :lmao:
I did give Raj that lens, but I may have "handicapped" him with that lens more than helping him.

I guess right now my "help" is focused on my friend who lost her husband so suddenly and tragically on Memorial Day. Since I'm single and an empty nester, I've just decided to spend the bulk of my "spare" time with her, so we spend a lot of evenings together, having dinner and then just sitting and talking until she's tired enough that I think she'll go to bed and get at least a few hours of sleep. I wish I could do more for her, but I can only hope that being there will be enough to help her find her way through the pain.

Have you already chosen the surrogate? You and your wife have my prayers for a successful, joyous journey to parenthood this time.

runnah · Jul 17, 2014

Sorry to hear. Hope it all works out for you in the end.

Contract... well do mortgage and marriage count?

SnappingShark · Jul 17, 2014

Thanks for the responses! Made me smile!
It seems a lot of you are in pretty large contracts too! Yes, marriage and mortgage counts, Runnah!

We believe we have met our surrogate mom - it's exciting, I believe we are meeting her this weekend!! Nervous, but my wife is in daily contact and already loves her, her passion and energy so much!

sm4him - I Loved that everybody donated to the Raj photography bundle!! Seeing his pictures posted since have been inspirational in what others can do to help out.

Since all of this happened, my mentality has shifted more into trying to help others myself. I'm not 100% there yet, but I'm getting there. I need an ass kick from time to time

MichaelHenson · Jul 17, 2014

I feel ya! My wife and I are unable to have children of our own and went the adoption route. Ran into all the regulations and whatnot when looking international and had a private adoption from within the U.S. fall into our laps. The whole journey has been a roller coaster of emotions but, now, with our little princess entering kindergarten, losing teeth, and finding her attitude, we wouldn't change it for the world! Best of luck, vibes, and prayers to you and your wife as you move into this time of your life!

Vince.1551 · Jul 17, 2014

Wishing you the best of what to come and may God shower his blessings on you

DarkShadow · Jul 17, 2014

Sorry for your losses and can't even imagine how hard that is or has been.I almost lost my first born son when he was deprived from oxygen when he was not breathing after birth and turned completely blue. The Docs worked quickly and quietly and not a word to me or my wife,until we herd the first cries.They saved our babies life just in time and probably mine to.I broke down in tears and literally was shaking.After all that, I thought instead of David Jr it became Justin as in Just in time and the wife agreed.Best of luck to you and the wife,You guys sound like Awesome people.