how to politely decline shooting a wedding

[JerryPH]

WOW!!!!!!!!!!! My mom just emailed me back, I wrote to her what I quoted above, word for word. This is what she had to say:
screw you asshole


Nice!!!!!

I would print it out and show it to her. Ask her if this was really her. If she says it was, tell her that you wanted to thank-her personally. You were going to try to do your best even though you did not feel qualified, but you did not have a reason to refuse... until this moment.

Tell her in no uncertain terms that you will not only not be taking any pictures, you will be attending the wedding without so much as a pad and pencil to hand draw scenes with... lol.

Enjoy yourself at the wedding, find a far seat away from your mom to sit at, if she is there, and if you are still invited.

At this point, I think its time you seriously considered talking to the people that matter, the bride and groom and explain things very clearly.

 

[peterbj7]

I'm going to a big family wedding in a few months' time and I shall certainly take my camera, but there's no way I'd agree to be the official photographer. I don't like taking posed shots - I prefer wandering around with something like a 135mm lens (on a FF) or a zoom covering that, and taking pictures when people don't know I'm taking them. I have to make a nuisance of myself first so that eventually people ignore me, so it's fairly anti-social, but then I can get some amazing shots. When my niece was married a couple of years ago I did that, and the whole family preferred my pictures to the official ones. You need the official ones to record the event, but there's much more fun looking at informal shots.

 

[JerryPH]

A pro doesn't make a nuisance of themselves, and still manage to get some amazing candid shots... if not, they need to learn how, if they want to stay in the field.

There are 5 very general aspects to any wedding:

- The pre-ceremony
- The ceremony formals
- The location shoot formals
- The reception formals
- The candids at any given location

A pro should know how to do it pretty much all and in the process remain a pro.

 

[The_Traveler]

It seems clear that your mom - and everyone else in the wedding - for that matter doesn't hear what you are saying and doesn't want to.

If the shots come out poorly, no one will remember that you said you didn't have the skills/equipment.

If the shots are good, you've just become the designated no cost photographer for the family.

Forget this as practice stuff, practice on someone who values your efforts and appreciates your contribution.
No one in the wedding group seems to appreciate what you will have to do.

In your situation, I would skip the entire thing.

 

[JerryPH]

Exactly my sentiments Elsaspet.

As for what I'm going to do, I just don't even know yet. I'm facing similar issues w/my moms group wanting free work from me. I have to figure out a way to politely stand my ground.

Seems like your mom wants to rule your professional carreer. You need to set some things straight with her and her "screw you a$$h*le" attitude.

At this point, I would simply decline to even go to the event, thats the best and fastest way to handle this situation. Then go talk to your mom's group face to face and set the rules concerning you and your PROFESSIONAL carreer.

Rule #1... no freebies to anyone, especially family unless YOU YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE decide to do so.
Rule #2... refer to rule #1.

Time to get strong and take a firm stance. Firm, but polite and low key. Do not bend.

 

[kellylindseyphotography]

Well as teh day drawss closer I am still undecided. My mom is my ride up there. I have my own car but gas, tolls etc will financially kill me as I just payed my rent 2 days ago.

I messaged my mom and asked her if we were still going to ride with her, if not then I was just not going to go and will go to work instead. She hasn't messaged me back yet. The first sign of a ****ty attitude about it, I will just not go and send my cousin a card and wash my hands of the whole thing. I know my family will be SUPER pissed if we don't go though, so I'm feeling frustrated. I WANT TO GO. I just don't want to discuss business with my family or spend my whole day running in my heels after my 2 year old and a bride at the same time.

 

[HailttRedskins]

WOW, can't believe your mother would say that, though I've heard close to it from mine before too.

As far as I'm concerned, I would bring the camera, but "forget" the battery on the charger at home.

Or you could always take the pictures out of focus.

 

[Mike_E]

Kelly, Dinner and a movie sound pretty good to me at this point. What I would do is irrelevant as I have a different family but I can tell you that your family is a group of people that you wouldn't otherwise know. You are the choices that you make, don't let happenstance rule your life.

mike

 

[TamiyaGuy]

I would agree with JerryPH unless your mum very quickly changes her attitude towards you and YOUR career/hobby. I get the feeling that you can only lose here:

- If you bring the camera and take good photos, you will become the free professional photographer for not just your family, but everyone your family will tell. That means much less income/more loss.

- If you bring the camera and take bad photos, people will be annoyed at you because you were "supposed to be really good", and they will completely forget about you not having enough skill/stuff. (no offence, though, your pics are great )

- If you leave the camera at home, on puropose or "accidentally", your mum will get REALLY b****y about the whole thing, and go on about how you let your cousin down.


So from where I see it, you would be better off just not going. If other people get annoyed that you didn't go, then tell them about the way your mum is treating you down to the letter, and they'll most likely understand. Of course, if your mum says "never mind, you don't HAVE to be the photog for the wedding", then you can just go, leave your camera at home, and enjoy yourself! Although I somewhat doubt that to happen (no offence).

That said, though, I am generally a pretty negative thinker, so you'll have to choose the £1,000,000 answer.

Still, I wish you the very best of luck dealing with this very sensitive matter.

 

[Mike_E]

"Nikon F301 35mm SLR
-Nikkor 50mm f/1.8 lens
-Sirius 28-200mm f/4 lens

Nikon D40 DSLR
-Nikon 18-55mm f/3.5-f/5.6 lens
-Sigma 55-200mm f/4-5.6 lens

Yes, I know it's all crap. Don't go on about it."

If it's paid for and you like it, it's not crap

 

[kellylindseyphotography]

I spoke with my mother.. briefly, just for her to tell me that yes, we can ride with her.

I *refuse* to put pressure on myself for this. I have a 10 page paper, a 5 page pg paper and a take home statistics final thats due on Tuesday. I will take my camera, but I'm not going to overexert myself in any way shape or fashion.

Thanks for all the help here. I appreciate you all

 

[kellylindseyphotography]

*snort*
Its going to POUR tomorrow. Especially heavy at the time of the ceremony. I don't own an off camera flash! I work in only natural light. Mother nature saves the day for me lol

 

[HailttRedskins]

Nice =]

 

[schumionbike]

Hey I'm glad it work out for you! This is just how I see things, maybe my experiences might have been different from others here so here is my 2 cents.

I would have shot the weddings, I would warned them about the quality of the images and that it wouldn't be professional. But, in my opinion, if you know how to work the camera inside and out, your shots should be way better then any point and shoot on automatic and I think they will realize that. I mean it might not be good enough to charge but you know... So in short, I wouldn't refuse a free wedding base on experiences and lack of equipment, just tell them before hand. Well, unless you know that they are about to spend $30,000 on the wedding, then I would help them pick a wedding photographer. lol.

I'm not a pro by any mean but I had this couple that ask me specifically to give them a copy of a picture that I took of their little baby. The funny thing is I sent it to the husband but he forgot to tell his wife so she asked about it like 2 months later. I mean the couple know that my pictures aren't great but hey, the kid have a cute smile and they know that it is hard for them or anyone else to repeat with any camera on automatic. So given the circumstances that you described, I think your cousin just want some above average pictures.
As far as the amount of work that you have to put into the wedding, well, I never consider taking pictures to be work since I have a lot of fun at it. Perhap that is why you mom think that you're selfish when you did not want to shoot.

So while I understand where you are coming from, I would have taken the other route under these circumstances.

 

[kellylindseyphotography]

well, I never consider taking pictures to be work since I have a lot of fun at it. Perhap that is why you mom think that you're selfish when you did not want to shoot..

Have you tryed having fun shooting with a 2 yr old wrapped around your leg? One that will have been riding in a car for 4 hours and missed his nap that day too? When you have done that and done it all for free, tell me how much fun it was