I'm not sure how to handle this...

Chris of Arabia · Jan 4, 2008

I felt my stomach turn when I read this. I can't begin to imagine what you must be feeling right now. All I can offer is that time does heal all manner of ills, though that's will likely be no consolation to you now. Stay strong and don't be afraid to grieve.

Garbz · Jan 4, 2008

I know what this is like. Believe me it doesn't stop hurting. My condolences go out to you, your family and her family too.

Antarctican · Jan 4, 2008

Such sad, shocking news. I'm truly sorry for your loss.

Alex_B · Jan 4, 2008

This is horrible

Sad to hear!

I can only guess how terrible you must feel now.

:hugs:

I think no one should expect you to handle anything right now. It will hurt, how long the intense pain will last, hard to say, it depends on the person and other circumstances. It will fade, and it wil probably come back from time to time.

Now, you first of all must survive. I personally would probably work very intensely to kill most of the daytime. But this recipe does not work for everyone. You have to try to find your own recipe.

Oh, and talk to other people who were very close to her, talk about her.

My thoughts are with you.

LaFoto · Jan 4, 2008

Oh dear!
Next to Nicole, Corry's cousin, this is the worst news I have read here on TPF in all the time. I am sooo incredibly sorry. This is really, really bad for all. For her parents, siblings, all her family, and you. So hard for you! To know she died younger than my second son is (he was born in April 1989)... oh dear. How to say anything, just ANYTHING soothing is much beyond me. I don't know what to say and how to say it. Oh my God!

photo gal · Jan 4, 2008

:hug:::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hug::

Trenton Romulox · Jan 4, 2008

Her friend just sent me an email Naomi sent her the morning she died, this makes it hurt so much more...
"There's no one to vent to & you're not online or picking up your phone so I'm just going to send you a message because I can't really talk to this about Willa or the person I really should be talking to this about, & I trust you so much, so here goes.

I'm so worried about my boyfriend, Jeremy. Yes, I know you're thinking "The one you vented to me about last time? That you thought wasn't being honest with you?" Yes, that Jeremy. But I've forgiven him, you see, because I love him like no one I've ever loved before. I've never planned my future with anyone before, not even Adam, my first serious boyfriend. But that's because I couldn't really see a future with him, but I can see a future with Jeremy, like, a real one that will really last a lifetime. I love him so much, I just don't know what to do with myself until I see him in March. That's how serious I am about him. & Yeah, he's 16 & I'm 18, but our relationship exceeds so many boundaries: age, distance, so many.

But lately, he's been depressed. & I've been unavailable. & I just feel like we're drifting. & I haven't been really helping the situation because I keep breaking up with him & really putting him through the ringer. I don't know why I do it, because I know in the end, when I'm 80 & dying, his ring is gonna be the one that's still on my finger. His heart is still gonna be the one that mine beats in unison with. His eyes will be the ones that still make me melt. I know I'm being gay, but that's how he makes me feel, unlike anyone else. & It's so weird, because I've never been with him physically, but I imagine that's even greater than how he makes me feel from a thousand miles away.

But yeah, what do I do? Because he needs me, but I'm not there. I don't make myself available to him. I blow off what he needs from me, & I feel so horrible. Why does he put up with me? Because I'm cute? Cute can only take someone so far, & I'm afraid that my run is slowly coming to an end. I used to feel like I was his everything, but now I don't. He talks about this girl, Courtney, & he's very vague about her, but I can tell that they're good friends, you know? & That he tells her things that he doesn't tell me, & that hurts so much. I want to be the first person he comes to with anything, & because of how I've been acting, I'm not anymore. I feel like he's trying to pull me near but I keep pushing away, & now he's slowly letting his grip loose. ****. I'm crying typing this to you because I'm so afraid of losing him. & I know I should be telling him this, but I can't, because I'm afraid he's found someone else. ):

Help me. What do I do? Say? I've never been this lost in our relationship before. I'm so scared I'm gonna lose him. & If that happens, I don't know what I'll do."

I hope that she knew deep down how much I loved her, and that she was everything to me. All the times I could have made her know, and didn't. All the times I could have told her I loved her, and didn't. Death is an epiphany I didn't ask for. If only she knew that there was never gonna be anyone to replace her, there will never be anyone that can replace her. She saved me from hating myself. She saved me from hurting myself, and ruining my own life. The last thing I ever said to her, "I'm just gonna go eat lunch. Bye." That was the only time in the last six months that I can remember not telling her I loved her before leaving. And it had to be that time. It's cruel. I guess the last she told her friend about me, on the phone, was that she was worried about me. This hurts so much.

spiffybeth · Jan 4, 2008

you should be happy to know that she loved you as much as you love her.

...that letter made me cry. im so sorry.

jstuedle · Jan 4, 2008

I am so very sorry for your loss TR. As others have said, find a soul you trust and talk, you need to grieve but not alone. If you are a church goer, talk to someone at your place of worship. But talk with someone you must, just to vent and keep you on an even keel. Our thoughts and prayers are with you my brother. Keep your chin up, and don't be afraid to vent a little here. God be with you.

chente922 · Jan 4, 2008

at first I wasn't going to write because I couldn't find the words but now that I read that e-mail I must say that it maked me cry... I'm 19 and have been with my gf since 15, my first serious relationship... and believe me, I understand how you're feeling, it's hard to loose someone which you have planned all your life with, a year ago I'd an accident in which I almost died, the world seemed to break around me and her... sometimes it's so unbelievable how life works and why things happen but you should be happy for having her friend send you that e-mail, half an hour before I'd the car accident I send a txt message to my gf telling her how much I loved her...

anyways, it will sound stupid but listen to me, of course you're in pain and suffering but time heals everything and you'll find someone, the thing is, be sure of keeping her alive in you always since that's all we've after we pass away, physically we leave and the only that's left of us is what our friends and family store of us in their hearts, I know you love her like nothing else and thanks to that e-mail u know she did too, and also she knew how much you love her... the pain will go away but never let her go away, that's the best way of honoring her...

talk to your closest friends about how you feel, talk with her friends too, find courage in others... that will help you a lot and remember we're here for you too...

take care!

Chiller · Jan 4, 2008

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and Naomi s family. Stay strong my friend.

Trenton Romulox · Jan 5, 2008

I've decided that I need to see her body. No matter how painful it'll be to see, and no matter how much that image will torture me, I need the closure. I just, I can't believe that she's gone. I need to see it, even though I know it's true. I'll spend my life looking for and waiting for her if I don't get that finality through my head. I'm not sure if I'll be able to see her body. It's really up to the family and when I can get to California. It's a long ways from Maine. But I need to see her...I need to say my final goodbyes and I need to see her. I just have to. I hope I'll be able to.

[JR] · Jan 5, 2008

I wish you can, I thought 2008 was treating me horribly (relationship...) and... well, I read this thread. I don't know what to tell you except hang in there... Good luck man, you'll need it.

chente922 · Jan 5, 2008

I've decided that I need to see her body. No matter how painful it'll be to see, and no matter how much that image will torture me, I need the closure. I just, I can't believe that she's gone. I need to see it, even though I know it's true. I'll spend my life looking for and waiting for her if I don't get that finality through my head. I'm not sure if I'll be able to see her body. It's really up to the family and when I can get to California. It's a long ways from Maine. But I need to see her...I need to say my final goodbyes and I need to see her. I just have to. I hope I'll be able to.

I think this is a good idea, I understand what you mean by saying you need to do this... talk about this with your parents or her family, or some close adult who could understand how you feel and help you with the flight... good luck and my best wishes to you.